


Winter Is The New Summer

by Nellblazer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Prison, Blackmail, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, F/M, Guards, Love Triangles, Manipulation, Military Training, Modern Era, Murder, Prison, Prison Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rivalry, Violence, dark bucky, dark bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22975648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellblazer/pseuds/Nellblazer
Summary: Thrown into a maximum security prison for a crime you didn’t commit, you run afoul of the prison guards on your first day.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 268
Kudos: 630





	1. Our Discontent

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Excessive language, Non-Con touching, Abuse of Authority
> 
> (Possible proof reading/grammar errors)
> 
> \- TLP xx

The jumpsuit is itchy and stiff, I want to tear it off my body but I get a not so gentle shove in the back to keep walking and I nearly fall over.

My legs are chained together, only giving me a little bit of room to meekly shuffle forward as I enter Bedford Hills. The only maximum security prison for women in the state and here I am.

And I was completely innocent.

Ever trust the wrong person? Well I sure did. I put my faith in someone I thought was my boyfriend, only to discover I was one of _many_ girls he had on the go.

That sure was embarrassing having to get an STD test after figuring that out.

It wasn't the only way he screwed me over though. I had no idea he was some big time drug baron and his way of spiting me after I smashed his favourite unicorn ornament, due to said cheating, was to slip a bunch of heroin in my suitcase.

Now picture me going through airport security out of New York and suddenly getting surrounded by sniffer dogs. They didn't exactly believe me when I said it wasn't mine.

One shit show of a lawyer with the meagre amount of savings I had and here I was, serving a year's sentence due to my previously clean sheet.

Another shove in my back reminds me I'm dawdling and I'm assaulted by the smell of cleaning agents and body odour. I try not to gag but fuck, did they not issue soap in here?!

“This the fresh meat?” an overweight guard who's sweating buckets asks.

I think the original colour of his uniform was light blue at one point but now it's stained navy under his arms, under his flabby pecs and probably across most of his back too.

“Fresh meat has a name,” I snap.

Not my wisest move. The key to prison life was to shut up and be invisible but I was still bitter and angry about being here in the first place.

“Yeah she does,” the other guard, the one standing next to him....the tall, dark and handsome one. “But she should keep it to herself if she doesn't want to go to the hole on her first day.”

I keep silent as the overweight guard, whose name tag says Gordon approaches me and looks me up and down, licking his thin cracked lips. I want to puke about now.

“Keep quiet little baby,” he's towering over me and I'm trying to lean away so he doesn't drip sweat on me. “And move along.”

“Baby, I like that,” the pretty guard smiles. “Come on, Baby, I'll take you to your new home.”

He takes over from the guard behind me, taking my elbow and leading me away. It's a light touch and maybe he's not so much of an asshole as Gordon is.

“I'm Barnes,” he says as you're walking down the corridor to the main mess hall. “Welcome to Bedford Hills. Try to keep on our good side and this will go smoothly for you.”

“Try not to call me Baby then. I'm not a trust fund college girl with daddy issues.”

He stops dead and I know I've fucked up. I'm just waiting for the blow but it doesn't come. Instead I feel a hand stroking down my spine and I'm on edge, wondering what he's going to do.

“I'll call you what I fucking like and I like calling you Baby, _Baby_ ,” his voice is so close, like he's right next to my ear. “Got a problem with that?”

I have to keep my mouth shut because I'm on thin ice right now. I'm not even into the prison properly yet and I'm already drawing attention to myself.

“Good,” he starts me moving again. “I'll take you to your cell. I think we'll skip the mess hall. You don't deserve food right now.”

“I think you'll find it's a legal requirement and-”

I'm thrown into another corridor and pinned face first into the cold, rough wall with the cheap smelling paint that's flaking into my mouth right now.

“You're under the impression this is gonna be a cakewalk,” he growls at me. “Let me break that illusion for you. What I say in here goes, alright? All the other guards are my deputies. I am the sun, the moon and the stars in this place. Don't you ever sass me, don't you ever get smart with me or you'll find out I can be real nasty. Got it?”

I don't answer and that's a damn mistake. I've wildly misjudged Barnes. Pretty doesn't mean nice.

“Fine, you wanna be stubborn? I like breaking in stubborn girls,” he leans more weight against me.

“Breaking in?!” I try to push back.

“Be good for me, Baby.”

His hand is exploring my body and I lose it. We end up fighting but he's much bigger than I am and I have no chance in hell but I'm not gonna make this easier for him. Fuck him.

He grabs me by the throat and keeps me in place, “See, I could put you in Seg right now and nobody would question it. Away from everyone else and no one would see what happens to you. Do you want that or do you want to get into Gen Pop now?”

“Gen Pop,” I rasp out.

“Good. That's what I wanted to hear.”

For a moment he lowers his head like he's going to kiss me but then his hand cups my breast and squeezes. I try not to react but that doesn't seem to be what he wants me to do. In fact, his hand skips lower and grasps between my legs.

“What a sweet body you got,” he groans obscenely as he moves his palm, trying to stimulate me. “Bet your pussy is sweeter though. You don't look like a girl that's been around the block. Not worn out like most of the women in this place.”

I look past him. I don't want to meet his eyes.

“Save it for me,” he kisses my cheek. “Don't let one of those girls ruin it in there. I can make your sentence real nice if you're good to me. Understand?”

He shakes me to get me to make eye contact, “Yes.”

“Do we have an agreement?”

“Yes.”

Whore myself out to the handsome but vile prison guard and get favourable treatment or piss him off and have a nightmare of a year? No brainer. Sex is sex. He's nice to look at. Much easier to fuck him than Gordon.

Don't judge me. A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do to survive.

“Good, then say 'thank you Bucky'. You only use that name when we're alone, got it?”

“Thank you, Bucky,” it comes out mechanically.

“There we go. You're learning, Baby. Let's get you to your new room.”

He finally lets me go and we start walking again. He's whistling merrily as he undoes my leg chain and my arm chain before waltzing into Gen Pop and directing me to a cell.

“Preacher, here's your new sheep. She's called Baby. Take care of this one this time or I'll find some way to cut off your commissary,” Barnes addresses the silver haired woman sat on the bottom bunk.

“Yes sirree,” the woman called Preacher croaks, her voice sounding like a lifetime of cigarettes and dime store whisky with the heavy twang of Texas in there.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” Barnes whispers in your ear. “Don't wear panties. I don't need to say 'or else', do I?”

“No,” I whisper back.

“Good girl. Play nice now.”

He leaves and as soon as the door clinks, there's an army of women flooding to me and Preacher throws her arms around me.

“Oh Lor', he's chosen this one. You poor child,” Preacher almost crushes me with surprising strength for an old broad. “Alright you vultures, fuck off n' leave this lamb alone. She got enough on her plate.”

Preacher pulls me into the bottom bunk and takes my hands, “He's already taken liberties, hasn't he?”

“Yeah,” I nod ashamedly. “Does this a lot, huh?”

“No, only with the innocent and dumb ones,” a woman with grown out hair, the ends still clinging to bleach blonde, says.

“Get lost, Arlene,” Preacher snarls. “I'm giving Baby a pep talk. Nobody needs your skinny ass opinion.”

“You a mean bitch, Preacher,” Arlene points, her eyes narrowed before skulking off.

“Yeah sweetheart, he's done this before but he only goes for a certain type,” Preacher sighs. “He likes them relatively fiery and clean lookin'. Get what I'm sayin'? Last girl...oh sweet Jesus, Marian, God rest her soul, she couldn't take it no more. Hung herself about two months ago.”

“Hung....hung herself?”

Shit. What the fuck had I gotten into? What exactly was Barnes capable of that he could drive a girl to kill herself?

“I'll look after ya, darlin',” Preacher held me to her frail chest. “Best I can. We all gotta look out for one another here.”

I didn't even know what to say. My life two days ago was nights at the theater, champagne in restaurants and the occasional vacation. Now I was the voluntary plaything of a psychopathic guard and the only defence I had was my own spirit and a woman who looked like she'd blow over in a snowstorm.

I am so fucked.


	2. First A Chill, Then A Stupor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first full day in the prison and Barnes won’t leave you alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Non con, Dub con, Grooming
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- TLP xx

I spent most of my first day meeting people in some sort of haze. Y'all know that feeling when someone tells you their name and the instant you move onto someone else, it flies outta your head?

Preacher, for her part, seemed to be one of the top matriarchal figures of the prison along with a woman nicknamed Trucker. From what I could tell, she used to murder hitchhikers who got into her truck. Only men though, which was apparently alright with everyone else in this place.

Trucker was a near six foot beast of a woman with thick shoulders, wiry grey hair tossed carelessly in a ponytail and no eyebrows to speak of. Her actual name was Diane but god forbid anybody use it because I saw later what she did to some white trash recovering meth addict who dared to speak it.

Everyone was nice to me though, understanding.

The guard, Barnes, was reviled in this place. They all hated him. Some had tried to offer themselves as sex dolls to gain favours but he was picky in who he chose. I just happened to be unlucky enough to catch his eye.

“He gave me this scar because I tried to suck his dick once for cigarettes,” Arlene pulls up her shirt and I saw a long ragged line down her ribcage. “Used his keys to get me away. Bastard. I'm real good at doing it too. His loss.”

“Now, Arlene,” Preacher croaks. “You don't wanna be tellin' me you'd rather suck the cock a' Satan himself just for smokes? It would never be worth it, honey.”

“Frankie smuggles me some in anyway now,” Arlene shrugs, tossing her damaged hair back over her shoulder. “She can get you anything you want...even personal toys if you're not inclined to the female persuasion.”

“I'm not having you press the devil's call button above my bunk,” Preacher warns me. “Speakin' a which, it's time for bed. We're on gardenin' duty tomorrow.”

The first night I spent in prison, I was silently crying to myself. I guess it was better than it could've been but I felt like less than dirt right now. At least it was much friendlier in here than I'd anticipated.

**

“Come on, Baby, we're gonna be late!” Preacher's bony fingers jab in my side and I jerk awake. “Lor' you sleep like the dead.”

I was groggy, dried tear tracks on my face and I felt like I hadn't slept at all. What I wouldn't give for another couple of hours.

Instead I had to haul my ass to the yard outside. We didn't get breakfast or a shower until we were done because we had laundry rotation after that. The idea of washing some of the small clothes of these women here made me want to gag a little but, as Arlene told me, it was better than being on construction or clean up.

Barnes was there to greet us and I saw his eyes flicker with interest as I got into a line with the others.

“Ladies,” he smiles brightly, looking as charming as ever. “Today we're doing weed work along the line of the building. I want pristine lines, understood? An orderly home is a happy home. Get to it now.”

Everyone broke off to go to a separate section of the perimeter whilst I just stood there not knowing what to do. Preacher stuck by me, trying to silently steer me in a good direction before I drew attention to myself but it was too late.

“Baby, are we unclear about what we have to do?” Barnes' eyebrow raises.

“I just don't know where to go.”

“Let me show you,” he gets in between me and Preacher, who gives Barnes a sour look behind his back. “It's your first day doing labour so I'll take you around. That'll be all Preacher.”

My frail protector has to back away before Barnes mows her over with his long strides as he takes me out of sight of the rest of the women. I knew at that point he was isolating me for a reason and not a good one.

“Let's start here,” he says, pointing to a patch of dandelions that were growing over the path. “Just earth 'em up and put them in the bag. Not hard work. These are the good duties. There are much much worse ones to be assigned to.”

The threat in his voice was clear. Keep him sweet or else.

“Why don't you pull one up?” his hand on my shoulder is heavy, pushing me down to my knees. “Bend over and put your back into it.”

I don't like not being able to see him. I feel like he's going to do something but I have no choice but to lean forward with the plastic trowel and wedge up the weeds, my ass stuck out like this was supposed to be enticing.

“Good girl,” he praises and I feel the ground vibrate as he kneels down behind me. “Keep going, alright?”

When I feel his fingers over the hem of my pants, I start shaking. Look, I know I said I was willing to do anything for the sake of an easy life but that doesn't mean I enjoy it, okay? It just means I can bear it.

“Oh no, Baby,” his voice is trying to be soothing but it makes my skin crawl. “Don't tremble like that. I'm not gonna do anything bad. Such a sweet little thing, aren't you?”

No, I'm not but I keep that to myself. No need to blurt out some of the kinky shit I used to do with my ex because then that becomes an expectation. I need to play off this innocence/submissive fetish he clearly has.

“Yes Bucky,” I'm concentrating on the yellow of the dandelions.

“You remembered!” he praises. “We are gonna get along just fine now, huh?”

My pants and underwear are over my ass now and around my knees. It's fucking cold and I can feel the early spring wind against my bare pussy.

“Now would you look at that,” he tsks. “That's quite a view, doll. Bend over some more.”

And I did. Now I looked like I was intensely inspecting the grass whilst he was studying in between my legs.

“Seems like you were used to the good things,” his fingers trail either side of my folds. “Waxed and neatly done. It's not gonna be like that in here, not that I mind. I prefer a little hair if I'm honest. But as you are now, I get to have a good look at what is mine, because this pussy belongs to me, right?”

He's expecting an answer so I give him one, “Yes.”

I nearly fall forward when something warm and wet licks up from my clit and then wriggles into me before lathing back down. He makes this obscene groan which I hope is not going to attract any attention.

“You taste _so good_ ,” he allows himself the indulgence of another lick. “I'm gonna explore that more when we have time because you're being so sweet but for now, I have an ache I need to get rid of. Makes it hard to concentrate on my work when I'm thinking about you, understand?”

He doesn't need an answer this time. I'm bracing myself for him shoving his cock into me or something equally as dehumanising but what he says next is worse. It makes me feel dirty.

“I'm not gonna fuck you just yet. Need to get you tested out first. Who knows if you may have brought something in with you. For now, stay still.”

He spits in between my legs and I feel his cock slide through the mess before coming to nestle in between my ass cheeks. He holds them tight around his shaft, thrusting forward and back,using them to get himself off.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even pretend this wasn't happening by doing the yard work because if I stopped bracing myself on my forearms, I would be face first into the grass and somehow that just felt like a step too far.

He lasted a long while, sometimes gripping my cheeks hard and massaging them, sometimes slapping them just to hear me yelp. Barnes said all sorts of things to me that I don't care to repeat because I might have to be sick if I listen to it again coming out of my mouth.

“Say my name, Baby,” he groans and it sounds like he's nearly done.

“Bucky.”

“Like you mean it, sweetheart.”

Time to pull the acting out. In my breathiest moan, I said his name again, “Bucky!”

“Oh that's it, that's fucking _it_ ,” he rasps before I feel hot liquid up my back, soaking into the prison issue shirt.

He wipes his cock on the inside of my panties before pulling them back up into their rightful place. Then he pulls me back up to a kneeling position and grips my chin, turning me to face him.

“You did really well,” he says softly and maybe I could rationalise all of this by the gentle expression in his eyes, pretend that it was okay and I wanted this. “Tell me one thing you want and I'll get it for you tomorrow.”

What _did_ I want? What was worth the humiliation I had just gone through and would still go through when people saw the back of my clothes?

“I used to watch a lot of movies,” I venture. “Anyway I can get something I can watch movies on? Privately?”

“You're adorable,” he smirks. “Most girls would've asked for booze and cigarettes, maybe even drugs and you want movies? I'll get you movies, Baby, don't you worry. Now, give me a kiss before I go.”

It's confusingly nice when he kisses me and I can't quite figure out his game. He leaves me on the floor and walks away, whistling merrily.

Not two minutes after, Preacher comes hobbling around the corner with Trucker in tow. They spot me on the grass and I see a look exchanged between them before they reach me.

“He put hands on ya?” Trucker narrows her eyes.

“More than hands,” I shiver involuntarily.

“You dumb child,” Preacher shakes her head. “I was tryna steer ya away. Come here, poor thing.”

“I don't want to,” I get up, legs wobbling a little. “I don't want you to touch this.”

I show them my back and I hear the sucked in air of disapproval.

“It's in my underwear too,” I'm trying not to cry.

“See, Diane? This one needs help,” Preacher nudges her companion, who seems to let her get away with saying her Christian name. “I know y'aint my biggest fan but we don't want another Marian situation.”

“Come on,” Trucker holds out a meaty hand. “I'll get you down to the showers. Might have to skip breakfast but at least you'll be clean.”

I don't care about eating. I'd rather wash away the evidence of Barnes on my skin.

As I walked with Trucker, she did her best to shield my ruined state from the other girls, keeping a close proximity. We ran into Barnes just outside the shower room.

“It's not time yet,” his arms are folded.

“She gone and got herself all dewed up,” Trucker stands her ground. “Needs cleaning.”

“Not until the scheduled time,” Barnes shakes his head. “You know the rules. Back out in the yard and if I catch you here again or back in your cells, I'll give you a strike on your record.”

“I killed bigger men than you, you know,” Trucker snarls, her yellowed teeth bared.

“I'm sure you have,” he shrugs, nonplussed. “Don't mean shit in here though. Now move along. You backchat me again and I'll put you in Seg.”

“Come on,” I tug at Trucker's arm. “Let's go back.”

“I think that's a very good idea, Baby,” Barnes smiles at you. “See you at breakfast.”

I'm having to almost drag Trucker away because she's muttering some dark shit about carving him up and playing skipping rope with his intestines. It's hard work, she's a lot stockier than I am.

“That piece a' shit,” she spits on the floor when she gets back out towards the yard. “He was waiting for us. He knew you'd want to wash it off. Sick fuck.”

Before I knew what was happening, she'd stopped me walking, grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, using the material to wipe me down before taking her own shirt off and jamming it back over me.

“You'll look drowned but at least you'll be better,. I'm not letting that dumbfuck win,” she rips the fabric, throwing it in the dirt and putting it back on herself, with some difficulty because it was far too small. The rips help some. “They'll have to give me a new shirt now. Better I get in trouble than you, shortstack. I been here years, can't scare me much any more with threats.”

“Thank you,” I nod.

Even though the shirt smells like sweat, it's better than having Barnes' cum very evident to anyone who looked at me.

We met back up with Preacher who looked at our swapped attire curiously, “He was waitin', huh? Devious ratbag. We'll keep a closer eye on ya from now on, won't we Diane?”

“Call me Diane one more time and we'll have a problem, _Priscilla_.”

Preacher visibly cringes at her name, “I ain't heard that in years. Suits a country schoolma'am better. Anyways, laundry duty? You stick by me, follow where I'm goin', okay? Don't let Barnes get a chance to separate ya from us.”

“I understand. Thank you, for taking care of me.”

“Anything to get one over on Barnes, smug fuck,” Trucker snorts inelegantly.

“You ain't here with us for very long,” Preacher nods her head. “We'll make sure you're okay in that time.”

“GET BACK TO WORK!” Gordon shouts from the perimeter and we all scatter to the corners.

I started pruning the edges of the grass, thankful at least that I was away from Barnes and that I had more friends now....well....protectors. But how was I going to avoid the guard when he was bringing me a reward? Maybe I couldn't. Maybe this was my life now but I could bear it if I had people like Preacher and Trucker around me.

At least...I think I could. I still didn't know what he was capable of and that thought scared me to death.


	3. A Hazy Shade of Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought you had a cushy ride, prison bites back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Non-con, dub-con, homophobic allusions (old attitudes)
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- TLP xx

I think prison kitchens would receive zero stars on Yelp.

The service is shitty, the presentation is gauche and the food....I wouldn't feed this to a dog. I might actually lose weight being in here.

“You don't want that?” Preacher points to my stale cornbread.

“Have at it,” I shove the tray towards her, retaining my pudding cup.

The pudding cup is the only nice thing in here.

“Bless ya, darlin',” she nods at me, smiling her toothy smile. “Old bones need a bit more paddin'.”

“Y'already bustin' outta the jumpsuit,” Trucker snorts.

“I'm ancient. What the fuck do I care for lookin' attractive?” Preacher shrugs.

I seemed to have hit the prison jackpot with these two. They mothered me something fierce but they were respected and by extension, so was I.

On my way into the mess hall, I bumped into someone I now knew to be Laurie, the resident drug pusher. I heard a lot of gasps and everyone gave a wide birth like they were expecting a fight to break out but with Preacher and Trucker behind me, Laurie just tsked me before walking on.

“Maybe I _should_ eat the cornbread. Might make Barnes like me less if I got fatter,” I sigh, stirring the pudding like a witches' cauldron.

“Honey, Marian was bigger than you. He just likes them feisty n' well groomed. Don't think he right particular about sizes,” Preacher gnaws on the cornbread.

“Well shit,” I lose my appetite and shove the rest of the pudding cup to Trucker.

“Thanks sweetheart,” Trucker accepts it happily. “You and I are gonna get along just peachy.”

“So we're on laundry next?”

“Piss easy job, uh huh,” she nods. “Sort the clothes, you get gloves, chuck 'em in the drums. After that we got lunch and then free Rec time. Pretty sure Barnes put you on the cushy jobs. Newbies usually get sanitation.”

“I'm pretty sure too,” I mumble, thinking that I sold my dignity for this. “At least we get showers next.”

“Stick close in them showers, Baby,” Preacher warns me. “We don't want Barnes gettin' a look at the goods...nor any a' them aggressive lesbians in this place. Ya don't strike me as a pillow princess.”

I would've challenged the casual homophobia but Trucker steps in and cuffs Preacher around the back of the head.

“She can fuck who she wants, Preacher. Take your bible-bashing shit elsewhere. This is New York.”

“Sorry,” Preacher rubs the back of her head. “Still getting used to liberalism. Been here since 1984, goddamnit.”

“Ignore her,” Trucker scrapes the last of the pudding out. “But there will be girls in here who want to try and make a move on ya so be prepared for that. You're real pretty and everyone is yesterdays news in here.”

“Barnes said he wouldn't be happy if I shacked up with someone in here.”

“'Course not. He's possessive. Don't get too close to anyone in here, 'sides us. He won't dare to touch us. We got cult followings online. If we disappear it looks suspicious.”

“Cult followings?”

“I'll show ya my blog sometime in Rec,” Trucker grins, the chocolate staining her teeth. “Sure is big with the feminists.”

With lunch over, we traipse to the shower area and I cling to the two older woman like a lifeline. Barnes is outside the female wash area but not directly in it. When he sees me, there's a smirk and a nod of his head.

Asshole.

When I get into the showers, I'm immediately struck by how comfortable everyone is with getting naked. Women are wandering around with everything on display, tits and ass jiggling everywhere. I don't know where to look.

“Oh just get used to it, honey,” Preacher laughs her croaky laugh. “Not much time for shyness in prison.”

I strip off with everyone else, holding my arms tightly across my chest. Funny how _that_ is the area I protect and not the exposed v-line to my pussy but in that moment, I didn't want anyone to see my bare breasts.

The shower facilities were at least clean and the water pressure was enough that I could actually get my hair washed thoroughly. I was half expecting some freezing cold water given the shows I used to watch about prison but it was pleasantly warm.

I feel a hand on my ass and I jump a little, moving forward into the stream and getting water sprayed onto my face as I splutter.

“Hey!” I call, whirling around to see Laurie behind me.

“You workout?” she leans back against the partition wall, dragging her eyes over me like I was a juicy steak.

“Used to. Something I can help you with?”

“I'm gonna make you an offer, sweetie. I don't usually let things like walking into me slide so easily but you're my type. I know Barnes is sniffing around you so why don't you come be with me and I can keep him away from you?”

“I'm already getting help for that,” I motion to Trucker and Preacher who are two showers down from me.

“But I can also get you things for a good time. I heard what you're in for,” she winks.

“Yeah, I didn't actually do it. I was framed by my ex. I don't do drugs.”

She's getting more annoyed by the second and I can see that. I'm going to make an enemy of her if I don't comply but whoring myself out to two people is a step too far when Barnes is so overwhelming already.

“One last chance,” Laurie wags a finger. “I'll never make this offer again.”

“Sorry, I have to decline but thank you.”

I try to be polite at least. No reason to be uncivil.

She, in turn, smacks me in the face and all hell breaks loose. Trucker dogpiles onto her, fists flying and Laurie's lackies go for me. I'm beating them off, punches and jabs barely connecting because they're used to this and I'm not. I take a solid pow to the gut and nearly hack up my meagre food earlier.

I get one good lick in on a girl with meth teeth and manage to punch some of the crumbling ruins out. She scratches me with her nails, catching me on the lip and tearing a ragged line across them which starts bleeding.

A whistle blows and the water shuts off as the female guards pour into the shower area, separating everyone. The meth girl is dragged off me and I'm hustled into the corner as they try to pull Trucker off Laurie.

Trucker's done a lot of damage from what I can see. Laurie's bleeding pretty badly and has a shiner already forming.

“Ya don't touch her,” Trucker growls. “Baby is off limits.”

“For now,” Laurie spits bloodied phlegm onto Trucker's feet before she allows herself to be carted back into the corners.

“Alright, who the hell started this?!” the dark haired female guard shouts.

“She did,” Laurie points to me.

“No I didn't, she did!” I protest.

The guard just rolls her eyes before going back out and I can hear low talking outside before she returns.

“Laurie, you're going in Seg for two weeks.”

“What the fuck?!” Laurie shrieks as she's dragged away. She gives me a death glare before hissing, “Oh I'm coming back for you, peaches. Make no mistake about that. Sleep with one eye open!”

“Everyone out!” the guard hurries folks along but stops me from leaving.

Preacher has my arm and is refusing to go but when the guard's baton is extended she gives a sour look and whispers in my ear, “It's _him_. He's getting ya alone. We'll be here for ya after. Sorry but I can't do nothin' without gettin' put in Seg myself right now.”

“You're better to me out of solitary than in it,” I whisper back. “Go on, I can handle this. Thank Trucker for me.”

“Told ya,” Preacher sighs, patting my arm. “Aggressive lesbians ev'rywhere.”

I'm left alone in the shower room and I cover as much of myself as I can with the towel I had on the rack. The sound of heavy boots echoes as they come into the area.

“Shit, Baby. What happened to you? Janey tells me you started a fight?”

“I didn't start a fight. Laurie did,” I look at the floor, wiping the blood clear from my mouth.

“Nuh uh,” Barnes approaches, backing me up into the wall. “ _You_ did. Tell me what went on.”

“Laurie offered me....offered me protection in exchange for being her playtoy.”

“Protection from what...or should I say who?” his eyes just bore into me, searching my very being.

“You.”

“And what did you say, huh? Are you gonna whore out your pussy some more for treats? Did I misread what a nice girl you are?” Barnes tugs gently at the towel in warning.

“I said no. That's why she attacked me.”

“That's the truth?” he bends his head down, mouth nearly skating over my cheek. “You wouldn't ever lie to me, would you Baby? You don't want protection from me?”

“I'm not lying. She wouldn't have hit me if I'd said yes.”

“Still my good girl then,” he purrs. “Good girls get rewards for being loyal to me. I've sent everyone away. Take off the towel and show me what I own.”

I have no choice. I'm cornered and I have no hope of another intervention from Trucker.

I drop the towel and his eyes blow wide. He bites his lip as he looks me up and down and whistles in a catcall.

“I see why Laurie wanted this,” his voice drops an octave, hindered by lust. “Fuck, you hide a lot beneath the jumpsuit, huh?”

His hand cups my breast, kneading gently and the pad of his thumb flicks over my nipple making me jerk a little at the sensation. I don't need to see him to know he's grinning.

“Baby, oh Baby, look at me. Don't look away.”

I flick my gaze up and his brow is furrowed in concentration as he trails his fingers down my damp body. I know he wants to see my reactions and I'm determined not to give him any.

When his touch is delving down and down across my pussy, I just glare at him and he actually laughs.

“You're so adorable. You've already submitted to me, sweetheart. No use being all defiant now...unless that's how you like it. Yeah...yeah I bet you do. I bet you like being put in your place. Try this then,” he smirks.

His hand grips around my throat, pinning me to the wall and my own shoot up to try and pull him off. Whilst I'm distracted with that, he shoves two fingers roughly into me.

“So fucking wet,” he groans. “Is that all for me? Goddamn, you really _do_ like being treated rough. I'm so glad you came into my prison.”

The more I try to fight him, the tighter he presses on my neck and I'm gasping for air as he thrusts his fingers in and out of me, the sounds seeming shameful to me. He pulls them out, using the slick to coat my clit, rubbing delicate circles there. For a guy who's throttling me against a prison shower wall, he's remarkably gentle and practised at playing with a girl.

If this were another situation, I could've enjoyed this. He knew when to rub harder, when to back off and when to go faster. I kept feeling the spikes of pleasure striking deeper and deeper into my core and it was becoming harder to concentrate on fighting back.

“That's it, doll,” he licks up the shell of my ear. “Give in, accept your reward. Let me see you cum. I've been looking forward to it.”

My legs were shaking and I could barely breathe, I was so lightheaded. When I came, I came so hard that even around his constricting hand the moan was so loud it reverberated around the room.

“Oh shit, Baby,” Barnes laughs. “That was a thing a' beauty. You look so good like that. I can't wait to see how you'll look on my cock. First thing's first, what do you say?”

Is he really going to make me do this when I just want to slide onto the floor and pass out?

“Thank you....Bucky,” I pant.

“Such a good girl for me,” he kisses my forehead. “After laundry you'll go to medical and get your STD tests done. I can put a rush on them. Once I know you're clean, we'll have some real fun. I'll get your movies tomorrow and I'm also putting you on library duty then. It's quiet so you can watch them there and it's only what you deserve, sweetheart. It can be taken away easily though, understand?”

I nod mutely. I don't want to say anything right now. My lower half still feels heavy and sated.

“Well alright, I'll let you have ten more minutes in the shower but I'll have to watch you. Rules and all,” his mouth quirks up. “God, my cock is so hard hearing you moan. You drive me wild, Baby.”

He moves back to the valve and starts the water up again and I'm assaulted by warm water, just when I was beginning to dry off.

As I'm soaping up my hair and body again, I can hear noises behind me, slick noises and I don't want to turn around. Barnes is probably jacking off to me showering.

When I eventually have to turn to get the suds out, I keep my eyes closed, even when I use the shitty dime store conditioner.

“Open your eyes, sweetheart. Look at me,” his voice commands and I can't ignore him any longer.

I finally look at him and see the sizeable cock that he ground against my ass cheeks earlier that day. He must have caught the expression of surprise because he grins, hand pumping up and down his shaft lazily.

“You like it, huh? Don't worry, it'll be in you soon enough. Look what you do to me, doll. Look how hard I am. I can't wait to fill your tight little pussy and cum hard in it. I'm gonna cum now, watch me, watch what's gonna fill you up soon.”

I watch with morbid fascination as his cock twitches and thick streams of cum start coating his hand. As his groans die away, he approaches me, staying out of the shower stream but wiping his covered fingers across my chest, marking me, claiming me.

“You're mine, Baby. Don't you forget that any time soon.”

“Are you really gonna cum in me?” I ask, fearful of the outcome.

“Oh I'm not gonna knock you up, don't be silly,” he laughs. “We'll get you on birth control. I've just never liked using condoms. Five more minutes and we'll get you all dry.”

He leaves my side and I wait until he's rounded the corner before furiously scrubbing myself across the breasts so hard that my skin starts darkening. After this morning, I refuse to let anything of Barnes remain on me.

He can steal my pride but I won't be treated like an inferior creature to humiliate.

“Time's up, Baby,” he calls and throws me in a dry towel.

But if this is the worst he can do to me so far, I can deal with this. It's not always gonna be take with him.

Laurie is gonna remember what happened here today when she gets out of Seg after two weeks so I'm gonna need Barnes to protect me when that time comes. Trucker and Preacher can't keep me safe forever, they're not spring chickens. Barnes, on the other hand, he owns this prison and he can make life very uncomfortable for people who threaten me.

I need to keep on his good side, no matter the cost.


	4. Trapped Under Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to take back control in your own way from Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Abuse of authority
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- TLP xx

Laundry was a pretty easy task but I'll never look at some ladies in the same way again.

I had this image of girls being nice and clean but after seeing some of the stains in the underwear....I think I've well and truly dispelled that notion. Good God.

After that I had to go to Medical and suffer having something else shoved into my pussy that wasn't as nice as Barnes' hand. The speculum and swab were pretty invasive and only after that, peeing in a cup and giving a blood sample was I allowed to get on my way.

Barnes was outside the door waiting for me and he put out his arm to stop my progress back to Gen Pop.

“I'll get those results back as soon as I can, doll,” he cuffs under my chin before handing me a pack of M&Ms. “That's for being such a good girl. I know needles aren't nice.”

“Neither is getting a cold piece of metal shoved up you,” I mutter without thinking.

“Not as nice as my fingers, huh?”

I say nothing but when he corners me into the wall, I can tell he's angling for something. I just don't want to give it to him.

“Say it, Baby. Say you want to cum on my hand again.”

I know I have to keep him on side but I still want to have this on my terms. All of this is wildly out of my control and I hate being this helpless and reliant.

“No, Bucky, I don't wanna cum on your hand,” I say firmly and watch his expression drop into a glare. “I wanna cum on that mouth.”

He blinks like he wasn't expecting it, open mouthed before his brain kicks back in and he starts laughing. Before I know what's happening, he's kissing me so hard my skull bounces off the exposed brickwork.

“That's a taste of what it can do,” Barnes purrs. “Fuck, I didn't think you'd say that _at all_. Now it's all I'm gonna think about until your tests come back.”

“Well when they do, come find me and you can show me what you're thinking about.”

I thought the forward stance might have put the ball back in my court but he grabs the back of my hair and pulls me close to him, extending his baton and pressing it to my cheek.

“Don't play this game with me, Baby. You're not the one in the uniform here. When I want you, I'll take you. That's the agreement. I appreciate your enthusiasm but don't think you're in charge for one second. Am I clear?”

“Yes Bucky,” I gasp, pain as my hairs start separating from my head.

“That's my girl,” he grins smugly. “I'll let this go on this occasion. You can keep the candy but if you ever try to top from the bottom again, I'll fuck that defiance right outta you, I'll keep you on the edge so long you'll be begging to lick my boots to cum.”

The way he said it, I believed he'd actually make me do that. Guess I wouldn't have any autonomy over myself in this place whenever Barnes was around.

“Turn around,” his eyes glitter with dark intent.

I do as he says, a little bit stunned into silence by his vicious declaration. It's only when I feel the baton come down over my ass that I almost shriek. His hand comes over my mouth to deaden the sound before he softly kisses my cheek.

“And now you won't ever forget that lesson,” he whispers in my ear. “Fuck off back to Gen Pop now, Baby. I don't wanna give you a shot for tardiness. They stay on your record after all.”

I hared down the corridor the second he released me, stuffing the M&Ms into my jumpsuit and not daring to look back.

I'd lost that particular fight and badly.

**

“Why ya walkin' like a penguin with a stick up its ass?” Preacher asks me when I eventually get back into the common area.

“Barnes,” I hiss the word out.

“He fuck you already?” Arlene is hanging out in our cell.

“No, just beat on me,” I stand, not daring to sit down yet.

“Shoulda taken Laurie's offer,” Arlene shakes her head at me. “I hear she knows how to treat her girls well.”

“ _You_ go fuck her then,” I snarl, my pride severely dented.

“Arlene, get your ass outta my house,” Preacher shoos her out. “I don't know why I letcha even come in here sometimes.”

“Because I give you meds for your arthritis that ya don't want anyone knowing about,” Arlene counters.

I've never seen an old woman move so fast but in one stroke she'd grabbed Arlene by the seat of her pants and thrown her like a bowling ball out into the main hall. Arlene skidded before bringing down a group of the 'rich bitch' prisoners who wailed and shrieked before scattering.

“ _That_ was amazing,” I point.

“Coulda been in the Olympics but...ya know,” she shrugs. “And don't go tellin' nobody about my illness. Ain't after sympathy n' ain't after folks knowin' I aint strong. Zip it, sweetie, okay?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Now, drop ya drawers n' let's see the damage.”

My dignity was already in tatters and everybody in the radius had seen me buck naked by now so I just dropped 'em and listened to Preacher suck in air between her teeth. Must have been bad.

“Welllllll, y'aint gonna sit down right for a little while. He gotcha good, Baby. What happened? Thought he was sweet on ya?”

“I tried to take the lead and do things my way.”

“Well that was fuckin' dumb,” she snorts before pulling my pants back up and helping me lie down on her bunk. “Barnes gets off on being in control. Always has.”

“Was Marian docile? Did she let him do whatever he wanted?”

“Lor' no,” Preacher shakes her head. “By the end she was. He broke her. She used to spit fire like no one's business at the start though.”

Is that what I had to look forward to? Never having a say over my own body for the next year in case I become a beaten shell of a woman?

“He can only take as much of ya as ya let him, Baby,” Preacher takes my hand in her frail one and I'm noticing the tiny tremors now I'm looking for them. “I'm here for ya.”

“Thank you. Oh, I got these for having his stupid STD test,” I grab the M&Ms from my jumpsuit. “You want them?”

It was a small gesture but I didn't want to just bank on Preacher's good will forever. She'd helped me a lot already and people were starting to refer to her as my momma. Thinking about it, I'd rather have Preacher than my witch of a biological mother who'd just left me to rot in here without putting up a fight.

It hurt that my mom thought I was actually responsible. I'd never done drugs in my life but the start of the end of the relationship with my parents came after dating Danny. They hated Danny but I was an idiot and thought he was awesome.

Well now I hate Danny too. What kind of guy ruins a girl's life like this over a ceramic unicorn?!

Preacher accepted the M&Ms graciously, “The Lord put us together ya know, to take care a' one another. Between you n' me, Baby, I ain't got long left. Arthritis yeah but I got a tumour the size a' pygmy pumpkin in my lungs. Smoking kills, well ain't they right.”

“Shit,” I squeeze her hand. “I'm sorry.”

“My own fault,” she waves her other hand dismissively. “Smoked twenty a' day for years. God says it's my time, it's my time but comforts like these in my final days are 'preciated. N' 'fore ya say it, no treatin' me any different. My choice not to do chemo, I'm goin' out the way I came in, kickin' n' screamin'.”

I resolved then and there to do as much as I could for Preacher. If I could manipulate Barnes somehow to make her last days comfortable then it gave me a goal to work towards.

“I have no doubt. You're a rattlesnake of a lady,” I smile and she grins back at me. “Now I'll get outta your bunk and we can quietly read.”

“Thank God I got a reasonable cellie,” she croakily chuckles.

I got up, wincing at the fire on my ass cheeks before climbing up to my bunk and spreading out as gingerly as I could.

“He's got me on library duty tomorrow, Preacher.”

“Shiiiiit,” she huffs, passing me a book. “He's really pullin' out all the stops to getcha alone here.”

“Fucking is just fucking,” I sigh. “I can take that. It's the words that are the worst part.”

“Honey, just say whatever he wants. You don't have to mean it,” Preacher pats my head. “And like I say, only give him as much a' ya as ya want to. In my day, I would just lie back n' think a' recipes when my ex-husband went at it with me. Ain't the hardship ya think it is. Block out the words, leave 'em at the door when ya come back because I'm here n' so is Diane, wherever she is. You can do this. It's only a year, less if your appeal is all good.”

The appeal.

I'd forgotten about that. I had the chance to get out of here early with good behaviour but that'd mean I'd have to be Barnes' perfect sex doll until that time.

“Yeah, I _can_ do this,” I stare at the ceiling.

**

Three days of library duty go by and I actually enjoy it a lot.

Janey the guard dropped off a mini tablet for me with the top one hundred movies out now. I sat there watching them with covert earbuds in and the days kinda flew by.

No one came into the library much, only the older generation and a couple of the younger crew but it was quiet and it was peaceful. It even had a window to the outside so I got sunlight without any of the cold air chilling me on the yard detail.

I hadn't seen Barnes in a while but I suspect he was busy tormenting some other poor soul.

Then on the fourth day, he appeared in the library during the most silent hour and sat on my little desk.

“Miss me, doll?” he strokes my cheek.

Now I'm not going to take the tough road, or the overly sexual road but I'll settle for polite and sweet because he responds to that best.

“Thank you for the movies, they've been great.”

“Anything for my girl,” he smiles in that charming way that almost makes me forget he's an asshole. “I got your results back, Baby. All squeaky clean. You know what that means?”

“What does it mean, Bucky?”

There's an honest to god growl in the back of his throat when I say his first name and he immediately gets up and goes to lock the door, pulling down the blinds so no one can look in.

“It means, Baby, it means you've got the opportunity for another reward or two. Wouldn't you like that?”

“I would.”

“That's what I like to hear,” he chuckles, coming over.

I know what's coming next and I've made my peace with it. If it keeps me safe and Preacher comfortable then let's do this.

“What do you want from me?” I ask when he's towering over my chair.

“Everything,” he leans in close, some wisps of hair escaping from his bun. “But why don't we start with you on your knees?”


	5. I Felt The Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnes collects his on side of the arrangement but you discover his even nastier side after a mishap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, Non-Con, Humiliation, Derogatory Name Calling  
> Please consume dark fics responsibly.
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- TLP xx

He's leaning over me, hands either side and waiting.

I slip out of the chair and onto the ground, knowing what he wants and knowing he won't leave me alone until he gets it. He starts petting my hair making me feel more like a lap dog than anything before he sits his ass down on the edge of the desk and gestures for me to come to him.

“Get to it then,” he smirks.

Won't even undo his damn belt for me. I have to do all the work it seems. Fuck he likes to make it difficult.

I'm fumbling with the catch at this awkward angle but finally manage it before unzipping his fly. The only concession he makes is to lift his hips up so I can yank his pants and underwear down. I'm almost slapped in the face by his cock springing free, although I imagine he would've found that

amusing given the way he's looking at me.

“I wonder if you'll be able to fit it all in there,” his fingers come and trace over my lips before pressing for access.

I so want to bite down but that won't go well for me so I just have to accept his fingers invading my mouth as he lets them wander over my tongue before pulling back out.

“I wanna see you try,” he grabs the back of my hair, yanking me forward.

Now or never.

Ever try to fit so much food in your mouth that your jaw sticks open and locks? That's what taking Barnes' cock was like. He was far too big to do much with other than pray and hope that breakfast doesn't come back up when he hits your throat.

He was enjoying it at least. His head lolled back as he groaned heavily. At least he was pretty to look at like this. I could distract myself with that.

“As much as you can,” his voice is guttural, demanding.

I try my best, trying that old trick of digging my nails into my palms to lessen the gag reflex. There's a lot of swearing when I almost make it to the bottom.

“Fuck, Baby...oh fuck...just like that. God, you have no idea how amazing you look right now,” he bites his bottom lip.

I finally pull back, using techniques I'm more familiar with, letting my tongue lathe on the underside of his cock and feeling it twitch in response. As much as I hated to admit it, there was a perverse pleasure that I took in being able to wreck him like this.

He bucked forward unexpectedly and I clutched onto his gloved hands to steady myself but something was off. One hand was soft and malleable, the other was rigid. Was it a prosthetic? It definitely moved like a regular hand but it didn't feel quite right.

He catches my expression and pulls away from me completely, throwing my hands off in disgust almost.

“What?” the tone is hostile, daring me to ask.

“What nothing,” I remain there. “Did you want to switch it up?”

I wouldn't in a million years ask what had happened to his hand...possibly his arm, I didn't know. I could see the simmering anger under the surface just waiting to explode if I pried too much.

“Don't fucking lie,” he grips my jaw painfully. “You're not very good at it. Go on, ask me why it feels different. Ask me what a freak I am.”

“Look I don't care if you've got no hand, no arm, no limbs whatsoever,” I hold my hands up. “I'm here because we have an arrangement and I'm trying to fulfil it.”

“I know it's there, the pity look, the disgusted look,” he continues and his expression is becoming uglier, a mesh of shame, pain and rage.

“Bucky, let me-”

But I'm dragged to my feet before I have a chance to finish my sentence. He whirls me around to sit on the desk before he takes his shirt off and I can see the extent of the damage. The whole arm is a prosthetic, a sort of rubbery skin over what seems to be robotics. They've tried their best to make it look as realistic as possible but the join where it attaches is marred by heavy scar tissue, in fact his body is littered with scars.

His gaze is almost challenging as he watches me take in the sight, looking for signs of revulsion but all I feel is a mixture of commiseration and understanding. I can see now why he acts the way he does, or at least my arm chair psychology might come into play here. He's humiliated by his body and takes it out on others. Can't be easy being a handsome guy and seeing a girl's face fall when you get undressed.

I can go one of two ways with this, the sympathy route or the sexual aggression route and neither might be a good option right now but I need to break this silence before he does something drastic.

“So what's next?” I prompt.

Shit, that was the wrong thing to say. His eyes cloud a little and I can see the thick cords in his neck tensing.

He pounces on me, ripping my clothes to shreds as his desperation to get me naked takes over. I keep fairly still during all of this. Once he's decided he's got enough access to me, he pauses, looking at my confused expression.

“Don't you dare fucking look at me,” he hisses, grabbing my legs and flipping me over, slamming my head on the desk.

His bodyweight is keeping me pinned and I have no warning when his cock is suddenly forced into me. I made a noise that, if I were in a nicer circumstance, I would've been embarrassed by but fuck, I'd never felt more stuffed full in my life. Danny's cock was like a fucking pencil by Barnes' standards.

“You be fucking grateful for me, Baby,” Barnes snarls, rutting so hard that my hips are banging against the wood with every thrust, deepening the burgeoning bruise each time. “I'm your fucking lifeline in here. You don't get to look at me like you feel sorry for me. You're nothing. You're just another delinquent bitch who thought she was above the law.”

Okay, I can take a lot, I can endure name calling but something about the word 'bitch' always sets me off.

“Don't speak to me like that, you bastard!” I yell. “I didn't even commit the fucking crime, you demented piece of shit!”

He grabs my hair, dragging me upright so fiercely that I'm sure he's pulled a clump out. He doesn't stop fucking me the entire time.

“Because a girl like you is so fucking innocent? I bet you used to wrap boys around your pinky finger when you were growing up. You seem like the type. Doesn't matter if you did the crime or not. You're here now and you're mine and you'll do what I fucking tell you to if you wanna survive in here. Understand?”

“It _does_ matter, I was set up,” I growl, trying to hit him behind me but not managing to connect any blows. “I'm not supposed to be here.”

“But you are, so stop whining,” he forces me back down on the desk. “Stop whining and thank me. Thank me for protecting you.”

I don't want to. I really don't want to but when he spanks my ass over the still tender bruise from the baton a few days back, I almost start crying

“Thank you,” I choke out.

“Thank you _what_?”

“Thank you, Bucky!”

“And don't you forget my generosity,” he snarls, rutting even harder into me and snaking his hand around to toy with my clit.

I'll fully admit the adrenalin, the hatred, the fucking....they all melded together into something I didn't want. An orgasm. It felt like I was giving him a victory when my pussy started clenching around him and I made a strangled high pitched moan. His fingers didn't let up, even when I started flailing to get away, too oversensitive from his stimulations.

“Fuck!” he cries from behind me before pulling out and dragging me onto the floor.

I have about ten seconds warning before his cock twitches and his hot cum lands over my face. If I ever thought he was getting some with the other prisoners, I had that notion sorely dispelled. It was clear he hadn't cum since the shower incident. Probably saving it up so he could do this.

Fucking asshole.

“If you ever ask me about this,” he points to his arm. “This arrangement is done. Got it?”

“Got it,” I get up.

“Stay there while I get you new clothes,” his tone is dismissive, no longer playful as he redresses. “Don't wipe yourself clean or I'll throw you in Seg.”

I was forced to stand there, warm cum tracking down my cheeks, my neck, down my chest. Can't say the sensation was pleasant. I just had to hope no one came into the unlocked library between now and him returning.

It was an anxious waiting game and I almost fled behind a bookcase several times when I thought a fellow inmate was coming in. Eventually Barnes returned though.

He set the new clothes down on the desk before presenting me with a towel but not before he swiped his fingers through his mess and held it against my lips until I licked it clean. Barnes really liked to humiliate people.

His fingers ghosted over the obvious purpling bruises on my hips, “Didn't mean to get so rough, Baby. You did really well, best at cock sucking I've ever known. I'll give you _three_ things for what you did. What do you want?”

Three material items to make up for being degraded, hurt and belittled. Well go me.

“I want Laurie to never come near me again,” that was a top priority for my own safety. “and I want a candy supply for Preacher. That's all I thought of so far.”

“You want me to give your reward to someone else?” he blinks.

“She's looking after me, I want to look after her.”

“Fine, easily done. As for Laurie, I'll look into some bullshit reason to get her transferred to another prison. She's been a pain in my ass for a while now, too cocky. If I do though, that means you gotta take over where she let off.”

I got a sinking feeling, “What do you mean?”

“How do you think she gets drugs into the prison?” he snorts, the arrogant attitude coming back, replacing the primal anger. “The guards supply her for a large cut of the profits. You'll have to take her place.”

“I'm not dealing,” I say flatly.

“Then I can't help you,” he shrugs. “So you decide what's more important to you and come back to me, okay? I need to get back to the Warden before lunch time but I'll be back tomorrow. You got one hell of a tight pussy, Baby and I can't wait to be in it again.”

He leaves me in the library buck naked and messy like he doesn't have a care in the world.

**

“You're a darlin',” Preacher wrings my hands as I tell her she'll be getting extra rations soon. “But I don't give two hoots 'bout that if you're not okay. Did he hurt you?”

“Yes,” I pull away, clinging onto my cup of juice like it's a lifevest.

“What did that slimy fuck do?” Trucker nudges me and I end up spilling liquid all over the table with the force of it.

“Made me suck his cock and then got really angry when I found out about-”

“-the arm?” Preacher ventures.

“Yeah how did you know?”

“Marian told us,” Preacher stabs at her potatoes. “Really good prosthetic. Hates people gawking at it, nearly knocked her teeth out when she wrinkled her nose at it.”

So I'd had a lucky escape it seems. My determination to be blasé had worked in my favour.

“Do you know how it happened?”

“He used to be a soldier,” Trucker sprays food everywhere as she talks and I have to shield my lunch tray from getting splattered.

“So he lost it during the war?”

“Oh yeah, IED blew it right off,” she mimes an explosion. “Marian found a lot out about it. She wanted the leverage. Dumb broad. She used his nickname against him n' boy did she pay for it.”

“Do I wanna know?” I pick at the anaemic looking peas.

“Don't ever call him the Winter Soldier or Winter full stop,” Preacher sighs. “That was what got Marian beaten so black n' blue that I thought he'd killed her.”

I drop my fork, “Shit, he nearly killed her?!”

“Nearly,” Trucker's thick jaw sets. “Ya see after the explosion, the shock n' the trauma turned his hair white. He dyes it regularly, ya'd never tell but fellow soldiers started bullyin' him 'bout it and calling him The Winter Soldier. Keep that quiet though, Baby. You're more fragile than Marian was. Hate to see ya take a lickin' like she did.”

I wanted to take exception to being called fragile but Barnes had already shown me his nastier side today and I didn't care to see any more of it.

“Oh I got bruises from the roughest fuck of my life already,” I subconsciously shift. “Don't want more.”

“Stay on his good side then, honey. We seen him be cruel n' vindictive n' he can turn on a dime. Don't ever feel like ya comfortable 'round him. That's how he gets ya,” Preacher shoves her empty tray to the side. “Come on, we got Rec now n' Dia- sorry Trucker wants to show ya the blogs.”

I put my tray in the little shelving unit, pondering over what my prison mommas had said. Never get comfortable and he can turn on a dime. If that was the case then I needed to really consider my stance on Laurie. She was halfway through her time in Seg and no doubt would try to come for me once she was back in Gen Pop. If I didn't keep Barnes' favour, I had no protection against her whereas if I took his offer to become the top drug dealer in the place, there was no chance Laurie could ever be near me again but it meant I had to live on the edge and wonder if the guards would ever throw me under the bus should the dealing operation come to light.

Basically I was doubly fucked and I didn't like it one bit.


	6. Out In the Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laurie's Seg time is nearly up and you need to make a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dubcon, manipulation, grooming, violence
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> _ NB

Barnes didn't fuck me again for the rest of the week.

He definitely made his presence known, however. Whenever I was working in the library he'd covertly sneak up on me as I was placing books back in the shelves before cupping between my legs and making some crude comment before slinking off.

I was beginning to thing he was toying with me.

By the end of the week, I _knew_ he was toying with me. I was so hyped up and so aroused from his constant teases and there was no way I could relieve that itch anywhere in this place....I mean, Preacher would beat my ass if she caught me at it in our cell.

“Did you need something, Baby?” Barnes corners me by the reference text books, a shit eating smirk on his face. “Something you want from me?”

I keep silent because I'm not about to blurt out that I need a room shaking fuck right now.

“Tell me what you want and I'll make it happen,” he's pressed himself against me, leaning down so close that I could just tip my head up and I'd be kissing him. “I can see it in your eyes, just tell me.”

By any means, I had to keep remembering that. It didn't matter if I fucked him of my own accord rather than from the deal. I have needs too and if I didn't cum soon, I was going to lose my temper for the first time in this place and I didn't think he'd take kindly to that.

“I want you,” I hate myself for saying it.

“Want me to.... _what_?” he pets the back of my head.

“Make me cum.”

“You think you've been good enough for me? Think you deserve it?”

“Yes.”

“Say it properly then.”

Oh fuck, this guy. If he wanted me to humiliate myself then fine. I didn't care any more.

“I need you to make me cum, Bucky. Please.”

I could see his pupils dilate and his tongue dart out to lick his dry lips. I'd said the right thing then.

“Pants off and hop up on the window ledge,” he instructs. “I'll lock the door.”

I do what he says because I'm fucking desperate at this point. He's back quicker than I realise before dropping to his knees and yanking my legs open.

“Fuck, you really _do_ need me,” he laughs, swiping a finger across my soaked pussy. “I picked a winner with you then, huh? Pretty little girl who just loves to fuck.”

Degrade me all you want, asshole. You're gonna get me off and then I can go back to ignoring you.

He leans forward, letting his tongue lathe up towards my clit and the moan I've been repressing just peals out. He lets out something of a growl and dives on me, lapping hard, so hard that I scrabble at the window behind me for some stability. I don't even realise I'm crooking my legs over his shoulders so he can get closer access

“You taste so sweet, Baby,” he purrs, slipping two fingers into me. “When you wanna cum, tell me.”

“Uh huh,” is all I can manage as he suckles at me.

I make some truly shameful noises that I never usually do. Barnes is good at this, _very_ good at this. What a shame he has the personality of a rabid possum. He might have been a nice dating prospect otherwise.

“I'm close,” I pant and I can feel the sweat trickling down my back with the exertion.

He moves off me quickly, undoing his belt buckle and taking out his hard cock before slamming it into me with such ferocity that I manage to cum from the friction, squeezing around him as he thrusts and clutching at his arms that were braced against the window.

He doesn't even care that I'm touching his prosthetic as he chases his own release inside me.

“Such a good fucking girl for me,” he grunts. “Want me to fill you up, huh? Or do you want it over you?”

“In me,” I half cry.

I had the birth control implant and I didn't want a repeat of standing there with his cum dripping off of me. I had standards.

“Think you're special enough for that?” Barnes' thrusts are slower now, more paced.

“Yes, I do,” I stare at him. “I think you love the idea of watching your cum spill outta me.”

“What a dirty fuckin' mouth you got,” he chuckles, grabbing my jaw. “And I wanna watch it _all_ come out. I like seeing that shit. Gonna do that for me, Baby?”

I nod and he picks up the speed before driving so deep into me that he nearly makes me cum again. He slips out of me, crouching on the floor and spreading my pussy lips apart.

“Come on now, gimme a show doll.”

The way he looks at me as I do what he asks. I've never had someone look at me that hungrily before.

Sure Danny liked sex and all but apparently I wasn't enough given the reams of mistresses he had....or was _I_ the mistress? I couldn't tell.

Evidently I was that fucked up by my experiences that Barnes' rapturous attention on me felt flattering in a weird way but I had to remind myself of what he did earlier that week, of what happened to Marian. I shouldn't be reliant on him too much, I couldn't give too much of my soul away.

“I needed that too,” Barnes redressed himself. “The Warden's been on my ass so much lately about the Duma twins that I wanted to punch the wall. I got so much requisitioning to do for the Thanksgiving meal and shit....I need a vacation...but that'd mean I'd be away from you, Baby and you're about the only thing keeping me from losing it lately.”

Well fuck, I wasn't expecting that much of an outpouring from him. Was he trying to humanise himself to me? I didn't want to hear it. This was just sex, I didn't want the emotion too. I couldn't cope if he wanted me to be his full time prison girlfriend.

“Can't the other guards help you?” I ask.

“Those morons?” he snorts. “They're just here for a pay check. They don't care about you girls in here. I'm the only one keeping the lights on.”

I found it very hard to believe that he cared.

“Don't gimme that look,” he purses his lips. “I give a shit. You may think I'm a fuckin' monster but I'm not. I'm better than if Gordon got his hands on you or Delaney. At least I give something back when I take.”

“So what was all that about earlier in the week then?”

“Didn't say I was perfect,” his mouth quirks. “But you still came back for more. Can't have hurt you that much.”

I want to spit in his face about now but I keep myself calm. How magnanimous to make sure all the other girls in this hellhole were okay and to harm and violate the shit outta me to keep his temper even. That made it soooooo much better.

Egotistical fuck.

At least the fear that he wanted intimacy had gone.

“Thought about your third request?” he asks, breaking me out of my daydream where I was beating him to death with the law encyclopaedia.

“Anywhere I can shower privately? I hate doing it around other women.”

“I'll take you to the guards shower,” he nods. “I will watch you sometimes though. Deal?”

I'd rather it be just Barnes, to be honest. I wasn't very comfortable being naked around everyone else and I don't think I'd ever get used to it.

“Deal.”

“And as for the first request about Laurie, today is the last day I can make the transfer paperwork. What do you want me to do?”  
“I can't deal drugs,” I shake my head. “I can't.”

“Then I can't help you with Laurie. If you change your mind, you know how to find me,” he shrugs. “I gotta go. Clean yourself up and get back to work. See you soon, Baby.”

He surprises the fuck out of me when he leans down and kisses my forehead before traipsing off to the door. I hurriedly pull my pants up before going back to shoving books onto the shelves.

I wish he didn't just treat this like a husband going off to work in the morning. The familiarity was disgusting.

**

The next day we all got Rec time because of problems with the plumbing and we hung around our cells with nothing to do.

I was reading on the top bunk with Preacher below me, munching on Red Vines as she was flipping through a magazine and making general commentary.

“Do these models actually fuckin' eat anythin' or do they just pretend they do?” she huffs, reading out an article about some Victoria's Secret models having burgers post show. “I bet they take one bite n' spit it in the trash.”

“Hmmm,” I'm not really paying attention.

“What the fuck is with that fashion anyhow? Ain't much use havin' panties if they ain't gonna cover the lady garden.”

Amidst her general prattling, I heard an almighty yell from out in the main concourse and sat up straight.

“What was that?” I ask.

“Nothin' good,” Preacher murmurs.

We both get out of the bunks and poke our heads around the wall. I can see girls crowding around something and cheering. Guess a fight must have broken out.

It's not until I hear that familiar swearing that I know my other prison momma is in trouble.

“YOU SHIT FUCKIN' METH JUNKIE WHORE BITCH!” Trucker roars over the encouraging screams.

I turn to Preacher who gives me a startled look and we both race over, trying to push our way through the tightly packed circle. Arlene helps pull me through to the front and my stomach flips to see Laurie with a sharpened toothbrush end trying to stab Trucker as the two brawled.

To her credit, even though we're not the best of friends, Arlene hides me from view.

“Lemme have that cunt fuck newbie and I'll back off,” Laurie snarls. “I got no beef with you, Trucker.”

“You think you're touchin' a hair on my baby's head, you got another thing comin',” Trucker socks her in the face.

If I had the time to be sentimental I'd think that what Trucker said was super sweet. I was too busy being scared for her though. She may be big and bulky but Laurie was fast and wiry. All the dealer had to do was to dance out of her reach and keep chipping away at her.

There was a moment where Trucker spots me and motions for me to get back but she took her eyes off her opponent for too long and I actually scream as Laurie shoves the toothbrush into Trucker's stomach over and over again. It's not long until the green skivs are staining dark and I'm running at Laurie like a mad woman.

She doesn't see me coming as I launch on her, knocking the makeshift weapon free and punching her hard in the face over and over until I sock one of her teeth out. I have to be dragged off by guards that pour in, the Duma twins, Tomek and Marcin grabbing my arms to fling me backwards.

“That's time in Seg,” Tomek snarls at me.

“I was stopping her killing Trucker!” I yell indignantly. “Get her a doctor, PLEASE!”

I'm so beside myself that they have trouble restraining me and Janey needs to get involved to cart me out of Gen Pop. I can see as they carry me off that Trucker is on the floor with a guard radioing for help whilst Laurie is out cold on the floor with her flunkies trying to wake her up.

My feet are dragging as they pull me down to Seg where I'm met with Barnes who looks wholly confused to see me there.

“What did she do?” he asks.  
“Gave that methhead Laurie a good pasting,” Janey says.

“Is that true?” Barnes looks at me, at the fact there's tears on my face.

“She stabbed Trucker!” I cry. “I was stopping her murdering her!”

“How is Diane?”

“Not good,” Marcin shakes his head. “Nicky is getting medical down. Was ugly.”

“Leave her with me. Get Diane out of there and restore order. I want Laurie in Seg too but put her at the far end of the hall.”

“Got it boss,” the Duma twins say in synchronisation and Janey follows as they rush back up the hall.

“Baby, what the hell went on? You said you would be good,” Barnes tuts as he brings me into his chest.

“Trucker's been so good to me and she wouldn't let Laurie get near me. It's _my_ fault she was stabbed. I couldn't let her die.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“That's something. I can't do shit about your Seg time. The Warden will string me up by the balls if I don't follow procedure here but I'll make it okay for you.”

“It's not fair though, I was trying to help!” I look up, crestfallen.

“I know, doll, I know. I told you how you could get rid of Laurie but you didn't take me up on it,” he sighs. “Now come on, I need to put you in the cell and explain the rules.”

He opens the door next to him and all I see is a simple bunk, a toilet and a sink. That's it.

“You don't get yard time in here, you don't get Rec, you don't get your cushy job. Meals will still come and you'll get shower time but that's it. You'll need to be in here for a week before I can apply to get you out on good behaviour. Do you understand me when I say good behaviour?”

Be his perfect little sex doll.

“Yes,” I nod but upon seeing him start to leave, I panic. “Please don't go, Bucky!”

I don't like being on my own. I hate being left with my own thoughts and I'll hate not knowing what's happened to Trucker.

“Baby, you did a bad thing. You gotta do your punishment,” he taps me on the nose patronisingly. “I'll be back in the evening.”

And he leaves me here in this windowless shithole. Four blank walls and only my own racing negative fantasies to keep me occupied.

What if Trucker were dead? Had it made it worse by attacking Laurie? Would Barnes need to take me off library duty now so I had more chances to come into contact with her?

I paced and I paced. I didn't even know how long I'd been here.

This was driving me crazy already and I had six more days to go.

Fuck.

Would I even make it that long?


	7. Frost And Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 days of Seg...will you go insane before the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Dub Con, Violence, Manipulation, Grooming
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- NB xx

How long had I been here for? Time was bleeding into one when all I had were grey walls to stare at.

I'd tried pacing, I'd tried running up and down the length to get some exercise, I'd sung until my voice had given out. Then I'd tried to sleep but the bright lights above made it impossible.

Left alone with my biggest mistakes running on repeat in my head, I really didn't think I'd last the full time in Seg without doing something drastic.

When the door started to open I bolted upright. Barnes walked in with a tray of food and set it on the bed before stepping back to shake his head at me.

“My poor baby girl. Look at the mess you got yourself into,” he sighs, hands on his hips.

I could cry just about now. This was the lowest I'd ever felt in my life. My freedom stripped away piece by piece until I was stuck in a windowless, cold cell entirely on my own and now to make matters worse, Barnes' disappointed look made me feel ashamed of my own actions, even though I knew I was in the right.

“Oh honey, don't cry,” he notices my wobbling lip and that set me off until I was a sobbing wreck. “Come here.”

It was a testament to how broken I felt right now that I flung myself into his arms, looking for any kind of comfort I could. He squeezed me tightly, swaying with me on the spot to calm me down.

“The warden will look at your case in a week. He understands you were trying to stop a murder.”

“Can I see him? Can I explain more?” I choke out. “Please, Bucky, I can't stay here for a week.”

“Best I can do is three days before I try again. You can make it three days, Baby. You're my fiery little convict after all.”

“I can't, I can't do it,” I babble and he shushes me.

“You can and you will. Now I got some time so your choice whether I give you a distraction or-”

I'm on my knees quicker than I know, scrambling at his belt buckle as he shouts in surprise. I'm already dragging down his pants and boxers and launching myself at his semi-hard cock.

“Shit!” he cries, hands in my hair already. “You really _are_ sorry, aren't you?”

I don't answer, I just get to work. All my best moves, anything that could convince him to get me out of here quicker. He's already groaning and the deeper I take him, the more his thighs shake.

“Are you determined to make me cum as soon as possible?” he laughs, head lolling back. “Fuck, get up and get against the wall. I wanna claim that pretty pussy again.”

I get up, leaning back against the cold concrete. Barnes doesn't even speak to me, he just puts up one finger and twirls it in a circle and I know he wants me from behind. On a normal day I would've told him he was a patronising fuck but today, I whirled around so fast that he started chuckling.

“Eager, huh? You are a peach.”

He's got my pants down and he's in me within seconds, no foreplay but apparently he didn't need it. Guess my body was getting used to him.

He uses me in a maddeningly slow way. I want him to be done, I want him to fight my case, I want to know if Trucker is okay. He won't speed up though, he's doing languid thrusts that get so deep that I can't help but moan.

“Let me hear it,” he growls, kneading my clit hard and biting down on my shoulder. “Say my fuckin' name. Tell me who you belong to, Baby? _Scream it_ , I can feel you getting close.”

“BUCKY!” my wails bounce around the tiny cell as I cum.

“That's fuckin' right,” he snarls, his cock twitching in me, flooding me. “Oh shit, I needed that.”

He pulls out, rezipping himself back up before turning me around and kissing me with flair before patting my cheek, “I'll see you just before bed.”

“Wait, what?!” I yank my pants back up. “You're leaving?!”

“I only get a short break, doll. I need to get back.”

“But....but....what about getting me out?”

“I told you, three days. You've nearly done one. Not long to go,” he strokes my hair back.

“Please!”

“Sweetheart, you're killing me here,” he shakes his head. “You know I can't let you out now but you're being such a good girl for me I can at least get the punishment halved. I really gotta go.”

“Bucky!” I'm grabbing his arm.

“Come on now, don't spoil it,” he gives me a chiding look.

“Can you at least tell me how Trucker is?”

“She'll live.”

I let go of his arm and go back to sink onto the bed. That was one load off of my mind at least. If Trucker had died to protect me....I think I would've lost my mind outright.

Prison life was hitting me much harder than I expected it to.

“You've got a big heart, Baby. Full a' surprises, huh? I thought you were just some fiery cuntsure girl used to the finer things but you're sweet, aren't you? You're sweet and you care. That ex of yours was an idiot.”

“That ex of mine was a vile piece of shit,” you spit.

“There's the spark,” he grins. “I don't know how he could've cheated on you at all. You put out so much.”

“I don't want to talk about this.”

It's still pretty raw. Seeing Danny's phone with six women on the go where he'd copy and paste his texts to each of us....certainly a way to rip my ego apart.

“Hey,” Barnes catches my eye. “Better you end up in here with me than with his ring on your finger and his kid in you, right? Catch.”

He takes something out of his jacket and throws it at me. It's a book but it's not closing properly and I look inside to see candy.

“Sweet things for my sweet girl,” he smiles at his own joke. “I'll see you tonight.”

He leaves me sat on the bed, the paltry reward for my debasement being a Snickers bar, a bag of Red Vines and a Barbara Cartland novel. The sick fucking thing is, I was happy for it.

At least I'd have something to do now.

**

Barnes insisted on sex before it was lights out. The man was insatiable.

My pussy was gonna be sore if he didn't quit it.

The worst part was that he decided he wanted affection afterwards. So far it'd just been a quick peck on the lips or a ruffle of the hair but he full on got into bed with me and spooned me for a while. I could feel his cock softening against my ass and his breath on the back of my neck.

It was like now he had me in solitary, he could play house.

“Bucky?” I ask after what feels like five minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you not gonna get caught like this?”

“No. I run the joint, remember? The warden goes home at five and I call him if he's needed back. Just you and me here. If I trusted you enough, I'd say we could go to sleep but I think you might try and escape if I nod off. I'm not dumb.”

“You'd want to sleep next to me?”

“You think I just wanted a fuck?” he snorts. “No, Baby, I want everything that you got. Give _everything_ to me. I need release, I'll find you. I need to cuddle you, I'll find you. I need to pour my fucking guts out emotionally, I'll find you too.”

“I'm not your girlfriend.”

He rolls me over, prosthetic hand gripping me tightly on the jawline, “I didn't ask you to be and you wouldn't deserve me asking anyway with a mouth like that.”

I just can't stop myself now. The intimacy is too much and I'm freaking out already at being in this tiny cell and Barnes was making it feel even smaller.

“Is that what happened to Marian? She didn't want to be your little prison wife?”

I'm glad I'm lying down because the backhander I get would've knocked me on my ass.

“Marian was a fucking _lunatic_ ,” he hisses. “She stopped taking birth control and got pregnant. Thought it would be an easy way outta the rest of her sentence. I made an appointment for her to get an abortion but she opened her wrists up. Then she gave me this scar for trying to get her a therapist.”

He drags my hand to his stomach and the scar I thought was part of his war collection suddenly took on a different meaning. It was jagged, looked like she'd tried to open him up from his hip to his navel.

“She stabbed you?” my voice is a lot quieter now.

“Yeah she stabbed me, with the sharpened lid of a tin can. I nearly died from the infection. _That's_ why she hung herself, she was afraid of the repercussions. She would've been here for life.”

“I......”

But I can't even find the words. If what Barnes said was true.....but I couldn't confirm that until I was back with Preacher again.

“Disappointing,” he gets off me and goes to the door before turning and grabbing my book from the floor. “Privileges are revoked until you can learn some manners again. You were doing so well.......shame.”

He leaves me on the bed where I'm plunged into total darkness the second he leaves.

The only contact I get the next day is a tray and some water shoved through the door at morning, noon and night.

**

By day five, I think I'm losing my mind.

The lights have stayed on at night so I have no idea what time of day it is any more. Nobody is responding when I shout and they move too quickly for me to catch them when food is brought.

I'm watching the hatch like a hawk for the next time it opens and the second I see it twitch, I shamelessly start crying.

“Please! Please I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!”

The hand hesitates after the meal is pushed through.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be good, I promise,” I beg.

The door opens and Barnes is standing on the other side of it. He looks tired and resolute but upon seeing me as a fucking heap on the floor, his expression softens.

“Learned your lesson?” he folds his arms.

“Yes,” I nod fervently.

“Shit,” he looks to the ceiling. “Oh Baby, I hate seeing you this way. I didn't want to do this, you know. I wanted to be nice to you because you've been so good lately.”

“I'm sorry, Bucky,” you repeat until he gets into the cell, closes the door and drops down to his knees, holding you tightly.

“Show me how sorry you are,” he whispers. “Bend over for me. My cock's missed you. If you do this-”

I don't even need an end to that sentence. I'm so desperate for anything other than these fucking grey fucking bastard fucking boring walls.

I strip completely, much to his surprise and bend over, legs parted so he's got a good view. I can hear his buckle clanking behind me. He seats himself in me, stretching me out after days without him.

“Still so tight,” he purrs and I'm so happy for any kind of contact that I start sobbing with happiness. “That's it, doll, let it out. I feel it too.”

He's rough, fingers digging into the flesh of my ass as he bucks against me, fucking hard. There's nothing sensual this time, just a driving need as he takes what he wants from me and I accept it gratefully.

“Please,” I don't even know what I'm pleading for, it's just coming out like a prayer.

“You wanna cum? Not yet, Baby,” he grunts. “Not until after me. That's your punishment.”

I back myself up as much as I can go, arching my back to get him deeper. He responds with a low rumble and even fiercer thrusts.

He cums with a shout, bruising my skin with how hard he grips before pulling out and flipping me over. His fingers are circling my clit, slipping into the mess of juices in my pussy before starting a rhythmical movement that has me mewling.

“Missed that sound,” he grins. “And how wet you are for me.”

I don't care, I'm bucking back on his fingers, fucking myself on them, chasing my own release. It's building so quickly, heightened by my desperate state and before long I'm screaming, thrashing wildly with the aftershocks.

“Are you gonna be good now?” Barnes hovers over me.

“Yeah, yeah,” I pant.

“I'm taking you to the shower and then to the warden, okay? We can get you out if you're polite enough.”

I nod emphatically, dressing whilst he takes me to get cleaned up. It's been days and I relish the warm water, the soap, the detangling of my hair. I feel about ten pounds lighter by the time I get out.

“Pretty,” Barnes hands me some new clothes and a hair tie. “Come on, time to see the warden.”

Groomed and fresh, he leads me to a wing of the prison I've never been in. It looks much more maintained than the rest of it.

When we get to the warden's office, Barnes takes my shoulders and speaks quietly, “Be polite, don't get worked up and don't disclose what we get up to. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“That's my girl,” he knocks on the door.

“Come in,” says an authoritative voice.

I walk in first with Barnes behind me and I'm expecting some crochety old guy but instead, he's not even middle aged. He's got a stern looking face behind the dirty blond beard and gelled back hair and looks more like he should be running some Fortune 500 company.

“I've been expecting you. Please sit down,” he gestures to the seat in front of him. “I'm the Warden, Steve Rogers and I hear you'd like to plead your case to leave Seg.”


	8. Snowbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Warden hears your plea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Abusive behaviour, non-con, PTSD mentions
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- NB xx

The warden regards me with curious eyes as I sit there, squirming a little.

“Yes that's correct,” I try for polite.

“We put you in Seg for assaulting Laurie DeMatto. You did quite a bit of damage, young lady. Her front teeth are gone and she has fractures on her cheekbone. I'm lead to understand you have a reason for it though?”

“Yes, sir. She was stabbing Trucker...sorry, Diane and I was trying to stop her. Laurie would've killed her if I did nothing.”

“Barnes, got the CCTV?”

“Right here, boss,” Barnes pulls a flash drive from his pocket and hands it over.

I just wait, feeling my nerves twist more and more as Warden Rogers watches the footage and his face gets sterner and sterner. By the end of it, his hands are so tightly closed into fists that his knuckles are white.

“You did step in, it seems,” he nods. “I'm not gonna lie, if this facility had another death on its hands so soon....our funding would go down and I'm trying to keep the lights on for you ladies. You saved me a lot of grovelling. I'll approve your release from Seg and I'll get Laurie transferred as soon as she's fit to leave.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You're very well mannered,” his tone changes to something a little warmer and he smiles at his desk as he shuffles some paperwork around. “Keep up that attitude and you won't serve very much of your sentence. I understand you had a clean record before coming here and it's not a long period of time. Keep your nose outta trouble and you'll be out by Christmas. Deal?”

Out by Christmas? I'd only have to serve sixth months? Well fuck, I'd do just about anything for that.

There's an odd noise behind me and I look around to see Barnes doesn't look happy at all. My hopeful bubble bursts as I get a sinking feeling instead that the head guard might not want me to get released. I wasn't exactly going to play happy families with him on the outside.

“Barnes, get on your rounds. I want to speak to the young lady in private,” Warden Rogers tents his fingers.

“Uh...sure thing, boss,” Barnes startles a little before giving me an even weirder look and leaving the room.

Rogers waits a long while before finally addressing me, “So there's something I need to ask.”

I straighten up a little. Fuck, he wasn't going to want a deal too, was he?

“I'm aware of what happened with Marian and how that situation came about. I let it go at the time because of the injury she inflicted upon Barnes and his mental state at the time but I told Barnes he would be fired if I got wind of any evidence of him doing the same again. Now....has he ever touched you inappropriately? Has he tried to blackmail you?”

“Mental state?” I blink, trying not to give the game away.

It's not like I wasn't tempted to rat Barnes out. _Believe me_ , I was tempted. I just didn't trust that he wouldn't make life especially hellish if I did that. I'd already got the inkling he wanted to ruin my appeal and I didn't want to make that a definite.

“I'm not at liberty to discuss his private medical record,” Rogers leans back in the chair. “Suffice it to say, I could overlook one incident as an extreme lapse of judgment. Marian had troubles herself. I will not allow it again though. So I ask once more, has he touched you?”

“No sir,” I hope my face is normal. “He's just been very understanding. I've had a hard time adjusting.”

For a second I didn't think he'd buy it. He gave me a hard stare before sighing, “Alright then. Just trying to look out for you girls. If anything does happen, I expect you to report to me, understand?”

“I understand, sir.”

He looks at me for a while and I'm wondering if I'm allowed to go yet. I just wanted to get back to Gen Pop.

“You used to work in PR?” he asks unexpectedly.

“Uh, yeah, about five years.”

“How would you like to do a project for the prison with a view to getting a reduction in your sentence?”

“Really?” I probably sounded like an idiot with how surprised I was.

“Yeah,” he smiles and I'm wondering just how many goddamn charming smiles are in this place. “This prison has an image problem. I need to turn it around if I want to secure arts funding for the old girls and a tutor program. I want my ladies to be ready for when they leave this place and I want my elderly long-stays to keep their minds active. Think you can help me?”

“I'd love to!”

Oh god, could I sound less like a brown noser here? I think I was just excited to do something I was good at rather than trying to fit into a prison bitch mould I'd never quite attain.

“Well that's excellent,” Rogers laughs. “I'll meet you once a week and we'll get whatever food you're missing from the outside as treat, yeah?”

“Deal, sir.”

“You can call me Rogers, you know. Maybe we'll get to the point that you can call me Steve sometime. I can see you're not the average girl I get in my prison here. I think you're very polite and ambitious. I'll get Barnes to collect you when we'll have the meeting, okay? Come on, I'll walk you back to Gen Pop.”

He stands up at the same time as I do and I blanch a little at how tall he is. He comes around the desk and waves me through the door, locking it behind him before walking down the pristine corridors with me.

“Well, here we are,” Rogers says at the entrance to the common area.

I spot Barnes in there but he doesn't appear to have seen me yet. He's yelling at Arlene for making make-up out of Crayola.

“Keep out of trouble,” Rogers nods at me, patting my shoulder before I walk through the gate. “What do you want for your first meal by the way?”

“Good pizza?”

The pizza in this place tasted like cardboard with what someone's fever dream impression of a tomato was and questionable cheese. I couldn't stomach the thing.

“You got it. See you soon,” Rogers waves at me.

When I turn back, Barnes looks livid and I make to scuttle off to my cell but he catches up to me, shoving me against the wall.

“What the hell was that?” he hisses in a whisper. “You're not trying it on with the warden, are you?”

“No, he's just inviting me to a meeting.”

“Did you tell him...about us?”

“No I didn't,” I try to yank my arm away because he's making bruises with how tightly he's gripping. “He asked but I lied.”

“He...asked?” Barnes blinks.

He mustn't of been expecting that.

“Yeah, asked if you'd touched me.”

“Shit,” he hangs his head. “You did good, Baby. We'll have to be more careful from now on. You'll start back on library duty tomorrow and your movies are still hidden in the desk. I'll visit you after shower time. Not a word of this to anyone else.”

His eyes seemed to pierce into me and I just nodded mutely. I was tired and I wanted to get away from the pathetic creature I became in Seg.

“Good girl,” he pats my face like a child and walks off..... _stalks_ off.

I was just going to add jealous to the list of things Bucky Barnes was. It was getting exhausting.

I rushed to my cell and the second Preacher spots me, she hops up from the bunk, running over and getting me in such a tight bear hug that I wondered just how much she played on looking frail in daily life. The second I got in her embrace though, I broke down, sobbing like a scared little girl. All of the bottled emotion, the neglect, the debasing treatment got to me at once and it wasn't long before girls I didn't even really interact with that much were coming in and joining the hug.

There was a comforting sense of solidarity there. They'd all been through Seg themselves and they could understand but most of them also knew I was Barnes' plaything to boot.

“You let it out, honey,” Preacher croaks. “Lor' I have missed you, darlin'.”

“I missed you too,” I get out in between rib wrenching gasps for breath, my face streaked with tears. “Oh god it was awful.”

“Did that bastard do something in there?” Arlene is somewhere in the group hug.

“He...he...broke me. He used me. He....”

“Don't say any more. We're here,” Marisol, one of the cooks pipes up. “Barnes is a pinche pendejo and oh boy would I like to poison his-”

“Shut the hell up!” Carmela, one of those girls always on electrical duty hisses. “He could be still in Gen Pop! He'll throw you in Seg just for saying that! He's in a goddamn foul ass mood today.”

“I think that's because the warden asked me about him,” I pull away to wipe my cheeks. “He got very angry.”

“You didn't rat him out, did ya?” Preacher asks.

“No. I'm not dumb.”

“Good. I taught ya somethin' at least.”

“Does anyone know how Trucker is?”

“I saw her when I was fixing stuff in Medical,” Carmela nods, shoving her hands into the waistband of her uniform. “She's upright n' talkin' n' shit. She'll be 'aight. That woman took down some big men on her murder spree. She's tougher than ya think.”

“Shit, the time,” Marisol looks at the clock outside, clicking her tongue impatiently. “Don't worry conejito, we got your back. Going against Laurie like that? Shit. We're _all_ grateful for that. We'll look out for you.”

“We were all waiting for somebody to slap that bitch down a peg or two,” Carmela laughs and I can see the jewel drilled into her front tooth now. “You're a hero to most of us.”

“But not to those she was dealing to,” I look outside to see the tweakers across the way looking mutinous.

“They won't do much. Comedown will happen soon enough and they won't be good for shit other than puking their lungs out,” Arlene squeezes my shoulder. “Hell of a way to get thin though.”

“You thin enough,” Preacher huffs. “I feel like I'm gonna snap ya in two every time I hug ya.”

Marisol, Arlene and Carmela leave my cell as Preacher directs me to the bottom bunk and I just half crawl into her lap whilst she strokes my hair and reads me her magazine, complete with her colourful judgemental commentary.

I felt like every time I solved one problem it created another. I'd solved the Laurie issue but I'd have most of the junkies around this place out for my blood. Perhaps that's what I should ask Barnes for the next time he gives me a reward, some more protection.

**

I'm waiting for Barnes the next day I'm in the library, watching some dumb comedy on the tablet he'd given me.

When the door crashes open with a bang, I drop it onto the floor in fright. Barnes is silhouetted in the doorway, looking furious as he comes in, locking the door behind him.

“You've got some fucking explaining to do,” he growls as he advances upon on me and I scramble back in the chair, trying to wheel out of his grasp but I'm not quick enough.

He lifts me up by the shirt and pins me across the desk, his face inches from mine so I can see the storming sea of blue threatening to overload.

“What did I do?!” I squeak.

“The warden wants you to do PR? _Really_? He's never told me about it before. Why now? I'll tell you why, because you're parading yourself and being all polite and shy for him and he laps that shit up. That's why. Think you can get his attention? Fuck the warden? _I'm_ the authority here, not him. He doesn't know dick about what goes on in this place.”

“I didn't want his attention!” I twist in his grip. “He just asked me! I did nothing! I fucking lied for you, you idiot piece of shit! Why would I do that if I wanted to fuck the warden?!”

“Oh I'm a piece of shit, huh?” he snarls. “Guess I'll just have to live up to that.”

He's wrenching down my pants, tearing my underwear away from my body before spitting onto his hand and using that to slick my pussy lips. At least he wasn't going to fuck me dry. Small mercies.

His thick hard cock is already in me before I can say another word and I bolt upright, hissing at the invasion. He takes that opportunity to cage my face in his hands.

“You were my good little girl and you had to ruin it. Maybe I should've kept you in Seg.”

“No!” I blurt out, feeling my breath start to come in spurts as he rutted into me. “No I did nothing wrong, don't put me back there, please don't put me back!”

When I started hysterically crying, he stopped immediately, looking dumbfounded and concerned.

“Oh no no no, Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Don't cry,” he pulls out quickly from my shuddering body and brushes my hair back. “Breathe with me, okay? In for four, out for four.”

I try to match my breathing with his, eventually getting a rhythm. For his part, his whole expression has changed to something I could interpret as caring and I could latch onto that to calm me down. Eventually I get control of myself.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers again, pressing his forehead to mine. “I shouldn't have.....shit. I was just so mad that the warden's taken an interest in you. Of course you're not provoking it. You're my little sweetheart and you'd never do that to me. I know you wouldn't.”

Something about the way his voice cracked on the last sentence spoke of a different kind of trauma other than his military service. That was the voice of someone who'd been betrayed by someone he had loved dearly once.

“Who was she?” I ask, desperate not to focus on the ache in my pussy or the fact I was two seconds away from another panic attack.

“What?”

“The person who hurt you before.”

“You're so smart, doll,” he smiles sadly. “You see right through me. Natasha. She was my fiancée. When I left for the Middle East and came back half a man, she couldn't deal with my depression. She used to flirt with my friends, trying to provoke me to have a reaction and when that didn't work, she cheated on me repeatedly. Relationships have ups and downs and she only wanted the ups. She couldn't even look at my body when I had my good days and that got me down even more. She cleaned out my bank account and moved somewhere else. That's why I had to get this job.”

Was I seriously feeling pity for the man who'd just forced himself on me out of petty jealousy? Yes, yes I was. Knowing where that anger was coming from, it was easier to understand. Barnes was severely broken from war and personal circumstance but he hid it well, he was high functioning.

I was the person behind his walls, seeing him at his worst and I wondered if I would ever see him at his best.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks quietly after I'm silent for a time.

“A little. That wasn't nice of her to do that to you when you needed help.”

“No, no it wasn't. It wasn't like I was sat on my ass refusing a kind hand, I _wanted_ to get better, I _wanted_ support but she had no patience. She wanted the perfect life we had before with minimal effort. Fuck, I should not be telling you this much.”

“It's alright. I like it. Makes you less of an asshole,” I try a joke, not knowing how it will land.

To my relief, he chuckles, “I guess. I'm trusting you, Baby. Don't go telling everyone my darkest secrets like Marian used to, okay?”

“I won't,” I nod, because I'd be too afraid to.

“I know you won't. You're my good girl. Now come here, I want to show you I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise. I don't want to be that asshole guy for you. God, I'm such a goddamn mess. I want to make you happy, Baby. Come here.”

Before I can protest, I'm pulled up off the desk and I'm in his arms as he starts stroking my back and kissing the top of my head. I hate how fucking nice it feels. I hate how much I catch his scent and it calms me down even further and I'm curling my fingers into his fucking shirt. I hate that he's whispering nice things to me and my mouth is curling in a slight smile.

I fucking hate him. _I hate him_.

I hate that he makes me feel things for him.

Maybe he _had_ broken me after all. This is what he wanted all along. Not a benefits kind of deal with a random inmate, not even a bit of comfort and a warm body to tick his days over.

He wanted a replacement for the fiancée who ripped his heart out and he wanted to be loved....but I couldn't give that to him and I refused to.

I refuse.


	9. The Warmth of the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnes gives you clumsy comfort and you have your first PR meeting with the Warden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Manipulation, abusive behaviour, possessiveness
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> \- NB xx

Barnes didn't leave me alone after that. He made up some bullshit excuse to stay in the library but he blocked the door and we ended up watching a movie together on the tablet he'd given me.

It was entirely too domestic and it was spinning my head.

I still hadn't quite recovered from his outburst but the more time I was spending cuddled up with this malodorous piece of shit, the more I was trying to make excuses for him. I was thinking that maybe he was like this outside of the prison and it's just his PTSD acting up in here. He also has severe trust issues too.

On and on it went like that, me trying to rationalise the monster within him like I didn't know he was beyond repair already. If the only way I could get through to him was to become something helpless and dependant, then there was no way this could ever be normal.

As the movie ended, he kissed the top of my head and held me tightly.

“I'm so sorry, Baby. I never mean to hurt you, y'know,” he whispers.

“Yes you do. You told me the first day I was here you'd have fun breaking me.”

“That was shit talk. I don't actually want you to be a crying mess. I like you as you are. I like the power struggle but most of all I like the sass you give me because it feels real, not like the spiteful insults the rest of the girls throw at me. You challenge me and you push me to be better. D'ya know, I've not had one nightmare since the first time we had sex? Years of them and then....gone.”

“Bucky?” I look up at him.

“Yeah, Baby?”

“You know this is wrong, right? A guard and an inmate?”

“Very wrong,” he sighs. “And I'd lose my job if anyone found out. I'm sure the warden told you I was on thin ice already.”

“So why do you keep doing it? Why Marian? Why me? Was there anyone before her too?”

“I don't know why I keep doing it,” he stares somewhere south of my eyes, not wanting to make contact. “And there was one more before Marian. Before that....before that I was the model guard. Girls tried to exchange sex for favours all the time but I never took them up on it. Always stuck to rigid morals. Then Xiomara came in and I...I fell for her, hard. By the time I realised what she was doing, using me to get a shorter prison sentence, she'd already got out on appeal. I guess Marian took the brunt of my anger there after that.”

“Tell me about her, Xiomara.”

“Fiesty but with a soft edge. Always saw her helping the seniors out, looking after the younger girls. You know, what guys on the outside would call 'wife material'.”

“Is that what you wanted? A prison wife?”

“It's hard to explain,” he plays with my hair. “She kept promising when she was on the outside we would be a real couple and then she just disappeared when her appeal was granted. I did get a visit from her _actual_ boyfriend though who tried to kill me for being with her.”

Oh shit. There was another stab of pity. This guy couldn't catch a break and was just the unluckiest son of a bitch I'd ever come across.

None of that excused his behaviour with me and Marian though.

“I take it you were fine.”

“He never tried it again, let's say that. There's a reason you don't mess with vets. Come here, I'm not much for talking about the sad things. Best left for therapy right? I just wanna kiss you right now.”

And I let him. When it becomes clear that this is making out rather than anything with sexual intent behind it and it's actually pretty gentle, I have to fight from wanting to scream, to push him away. I'm not used to being treated this way and I'm too suspicious to take it as presented.

“I'm not gonna hurt you, Baby. You don't need to tense up,” he susses me out anyway.

_Just concentrate that the handsome guard is kissing you. Just concentrate. On the outside you'd be all over a guy who looks like him._

But it was hard to separate what he'd done to me and I don't think I was making a very convincing performance. Pity doesn't translate to passion very well without the old hatred I used to have.

“We'll work on that,” he draws back. “I'm really not here to be your enemy, sweetheart. I guess I'd better get you to the warden. Promise me you'll be my good girl while you're with him.”

“Sure,” I nod as he helps me to my feet.

“I know I can rely on you,” he places an affectionate peck on my forehead. “Follow me.”

He leads me down the corridors again as I smooth out my hair, my clothes, everything about me so I'm more presentable.

When we're outside the door, Barnes raps smartly before calling in, “She's here for you, warden.”

“Come in,” I hear Steve's voice and I walk through, sparing one last quick glance at Barnes who's looking at me in an unreadable way before I close the door on him.

“Good afternoon,” Steve smiles in that dazzling way. “Are you ready to get creative today?”

“God yes,” I blurt out which makes him laugh.

“Excellent, that's what I like to hear. I have pizza ready and waiting,” he pulls boxes onto the table and I'm assaulted by the smell of genuine dough and cheese.

My stomach growls loudly in appreciation and Steve laughs again.

“I'm so sorry,” I clutch my abdomen, embarrassed.

“It's okay. Food quality is something I would like to improve in here too. Now, let's talk and eat, I'm not precious. Would you like some music before we get started?”

“Yes please.”

Fuck it had been so long so I'd listened to _anything_.

“I'm afraid I'm not really much of a modern kind of guy so all I have in here is vinyls. Do you mind swing music? Big band?”

“I used to listen to it with my grandma. It's kinda nostalgic for me.”

“Same for me too,” he beams as he sets a record running. “I don't believe in dehumanising my girls here so I try and give as many comforts as the state will allow. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else though in Gen Pop. We don't need anyone getting jealous.”

“I completely understand, warden.”

“Steve, please.”

I sit cross legged on the chair which I think he finds endearing from the way his eyes crease a little before he puts reams of paperwork on the desk. In turn, I grab a slice of pizza as I'm looking over things.

“So, how do we get extra funding? Previously I've gotten a flat no from the governor but she's never visited this prison.”

“Okay,” I shuffle a little to get comfy. “So what hits hardest in marketing? Usually it's sex but that's not gonna work in this case.”

I swear Steve flushes a little.

“No I don't think it will.”

“The next best thing is humour. Everyone remembers funny presentations, advertisements, commercials etc but that won't work here either. People believe inmates are here for a reason and being a funny inmate doesn't excuse criminality.”

“Uh huh,” Steve encourages me, leaning forward over the desk with his hands tracing across some of the paperwork.

“So the next best thing after _that_ is sob stories. People tend to excuse bad behaviour if there's reasoning. It's stuff like hard childhoods, abuse, domestic violence, disadvantaged early stage learning. What I'd suggest is getting some colour interviews with some inmates _and_ some recently released ones that also show what life is like after prison. If we can make a correlation between a lack of facilities in the prison and habitual reoffending or homelessness or returning to bad partners then we can make a case to the governor.”

“What if we already tried that?”

“You didn't do it well enough then,” I say without thinking and he blinks at me like he wasn't expecting the bluntness. “You want craft shops for the old stayers right? Some of them are in here for crimes that would barely be considered crimes today. Use the modern lens angle for that. For the teaching program, you'd need the aforementioned prison graduates testimonies of how they might be struggling on the outside. Imagine it, Steve, if your prison turns out girls who are, not only more educated but also better prepared for life afterwards. Have mortgage classes, tax classes, social interaction classes. If you can attain the highest offender hire rate, the governor would give you anything you want. This would be the poster prison for the state.”

It's only then I notice, in my fervour to finally use my brain for something other than reading, that my hand is touching his ever so slightly across the papers. I pull back immediately, fearing he might say something but he looks genuinely pleased.

“I knew I was onto a winner with you. I can take care of those girls who've already moved on but could you find me some inmates willing to talk who fit this criteria? If you think they're worth it, they can get privileges for helping out if you need the incentive.”

“Yeah an incentive will help.”

“Well alright,” he leans back in the chair grinning from ear to ear. “This is the most progress I've made on a project in a good couple of years.”

“How long have you been the warden here?”

“About four years now.”

“Sorry if this seems invasive but, why a prison?”

“I guess I've always tried to see the good in people, even those people who others don't think are worth the effort. I want to make a difference, I want to help and if I can rehabilitate just one person, that's a win in my book.”

“That's really nice.”

“So why PR?” he turns the question back on me.

“I don't know. I kind of fell into it. Presenting the best out of the worst probably because I knew my life was far from perfect. It's easy to promote a face to the world.”

“Is that what you wanted to do as a kid?”

“No, I wanted to be an astronaut but I get sick on roller-coasters.”

Steve's laugh is really comforting to listen to. I can almost pretend I'm not in a prison jumpsuit and I'm just having a normal conversation.

We both reach for the same slice of pizza at the same time and our fingers brush again. This was becoming a bad habit that I immediately apologised for.

“It's fine,” he reassures me. “I would be ravenous too if I only had the cafeteria food. Take as much as you want. Can I ask you something though?”

“Sure.”

“Drugs? You don't seem the type but maybe I'm just too optimistic.”

My shoulders sag a little as the pizza flops limply in my hands, “I'm not. You probably hear this all the time but I'm innocent. My ex stuffed a bunch of heroin in my suitcase as revenge.”

“Revenge? For what?”

“Breaking his stuff,” I wasn't about to say the unicorn because that just sounds fucking ridiculous.

“Why did you break his stuff?”

“Because I found out I was girlfriend number seven and I'm not much into open relationships.”

“Wow,” Steve blinks. “I barely have the energy for one girl at a time never mind one for every day of the week.”

“I hope I was Friday. Fridays are awesome.”

I was reverting back to my old self in Steve's office, that dry sense of humour, the quick wit. Barnes might have tried to squash it out of me but it was still there.

“I've always liked Sunday mornings myself. Something peaceful about them,” Steve smiles brightly. “Well I'm sorry to hear that. I note your appeal is coming up soon. I don't see any reason based on your behaviour, I've scrubbed the Laurie incident from your record by the way, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't win it.”

“I don't like to get my hopes up, sir.”

“Steve, please. I'm really tired of being called sir or warden all day. I sometimes forget I have a name.”

“You not got someone at home to use it?”

I see him touch his ring finger reflexively where there's a whiter band of skin. Sore subject I think.

“Divorced,” his smile becomes a little more fake. “She thought I would be better in the military and I disagreed. Didn't last long beyond my appointment here.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to drag it up.”

“You didn't know. Looks like we're both unlucky.”

“I guess we are.”

“Look,” he sighs, stroking his jawline. “Are you really sure Barnes isn't inappropriate with you? I couldn't help but get the feeling you seemed a little blindsided by the question last time.”

“I'm sure but he _is_ kinda mean,” I hope the comment on his personality will throw Steve off.

“I've heard stories from some of the other guards but that's a hang over from his service. Don't pay it any mind.”

I didn't know what to say, I just ate more pizza and inwardly prayed he wouldn't ask me any more questions. That was until one of my grandma's favourite songs came on.

“Oh I love this one!” I say without remembering where I am, _what_ I am.

I half expect him to turn it off but he reaches over and turns it up instead.

“Normally I would ask a lady to dance in this situation but well....you understand,” he gives a wry smile. “Nice to appreciate the music with someone though. I have no idea who half these singers are that the girls talk about these days.”

“I bet your house is so old fashioned.”

“Last week I just upgraded from a crank phone to a cordless,” he quips. “Mind blown.”

I laughed. I honest to god laughed my ass off. This is probably because I've had nothing to laugh about in god knows however long I've been here now. It just wouldn't stop and that made Steve catch the fit of giggles as well.

I finally managed to calm down when my stomach ached and I was tearing up, “I'm so sorry, I don't know why that got me so much.”

“You were a really happy person before this, weren't you?” his eyes are sparkling from his own sheen of laughter tears.

“I guess? I don't know.”

“I think you were. This is not really a place for someone like you. I may be being a bad judge of character here but I'm gonna do all I can to help your appeal. Okay?”

“Really?!”

“Really,” Steve nods, pretty seriously. “Your future isn't being in a correctional facility. I can tell you that now.”

My mind raced. If I got out early, would Barnes come looking for me? Would I have to move to start a fresh new life? I had no doubt he could find me if he really wanted to.

“Anyway, look at the time,” Steve glances at the clock. “Take the last slice and you have your first visitation.”

“Can't imagine anyone would want to see me,” I ruefully savoured my last remnant of a good meal. “It's just my dad and he practically disowned me on the spot when I got convicted.”

“People surprise you,” Steve tries to be kind before grabbing a walkie. “Barnes, it's Rogers. I need you to take her to visitation now.”

“Got it, boss,” comes Barnes' voice through the crackling line.

“Thank you for the food and the nice chat,” I automatically start baleing down the cardboard so it can fit in the trash can.

“Yep. You really don't belong in max,” Steve shakes his head. “And thank you for the ideas and the company. I'll ask for you again in a couple of days. Try and have a candidate ready.”

“You got it.”

“And....what food do you want next time?”

“I don't know how you'd get it but good ol' fashioned country food would be something else.”

“I know just the ticket,” he smiles.

There's a knock at the door and Barnes comes in.

“You may go,” Steve adopts a much more chilly demeanour when his head guard is in immediate view.

I wondered all the way to visitation why that was. Was it a power thing because Barnes gets outta line or did I just bring something more friendly out of him?

“Was it cosy?” the jealousy in Barnes' voice is barely contained.

“It was business.”

I'm flung face first into the nearest wall, pinned there by his heavy bulk as he seems to inhale the scent of my hair. The abrupt change undoes all the joy I've clawed back in Steve's office.

“Awful lot of laughing for just business, Baby.”

Enough was enough.

“Since you were listening at the door, apparently, you'dve been able to hear if I was fucking him. That's what you're so afraid of, right? That I'm gonna sleep around? And you know what else? You said you wouldn't hurt me any more.”

“Who said anything about hurt?” he licks up the shell of my ear. “I'm gonna remind you whose girl you are.”

“Bucky, please. I'm not right from earlier. You of all people should know where the line is not to overstep and push someone.”

I can feel him stiffen behind me. I'm not sure whether I've gotten through to him or I've just made him incredibly mad. It's terrifying not knowing which outcome I'm gonna get.

“You're right,” his voice is softer. “I crossed that line this morning. I'm just...I wanna show you how much I want you.”

“Not now, please,” my voice is barely a whisper.

“Just a kiss then, Baby. Okay?” he turns me around, stroking my cheek and I try not to flinch.

“Okay.”

A kiss I could handle and at least he was making it easy for me. If his tongue had gone down my throat I might've ended up getting violent out of panic. He'd already shattered the good mood I'd cultivated this afternoon.

“It's just here,” he leads me down another corridor. “First visitation. You excited, sweetheart?”

“Depends who's there.”

“Want me to peek for you? If there's nobody there, I'll just take you back to the library. If someone's sat there, I'll describe them for you. How about that?”

Was Barnes trying to be nice to me now? I wasn't sure what to make of it. The considerate stance was alien to me.

“Please.”

“Such a polite girl,” he ruins it by infantilising me.

True to his word, he looks around the door before addressing me again, “There's someone there.”

“There is?!” my voice rises an octave out of sheer surprise.

“Early to mid 30s, brown hair, good tan, snappy dresser.”

“Did he have a signet ring on?”

“Yeah, yeah he did and a diamond stud in one ear?”

“Fuck!” I collapse on the floor, my legs just giving out completely.

“What's wrong, Baby?!” Barnes drops to his knees beside me in alarm.

“I can't go in there.”

“Why not?”

“Because that's Danny. That's my ex. That's the fuckwad who framed me.”


	10. Burning For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What exactly is Danny doing at the prison?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Domestic violence, manipulation, coercion, death
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> Happy reading!  
> \- NB xx

“ _That's_ him?!” Barnes sounds disgusted. “No offence, Baby but were you _blind_ throughout the relationship? He doesn't look like a guy you would date.”

“He was very charming in the beginning. It was kinda easy to get swept away with it and all the fancy dinners.”

“Oh he's _that_ kind of guy,” Barnes' expression hardens. “Oh sweetheart, he did a number on you, huh?”

“He was just very loose with the term monogamy.”

Barnes gives me a look before helping me to my feet, “I'm willing to bet my paycheck that he was abusive too.”

“No he wasn't.”

“Sure. Listen, do you want me to take you back or do you wanna see him?”

“I don't know. I might hit him and that won't be good for me but I want to know why he's here.”

“Tell you what, I'll take you to the private visitation room and I'll be right outside. If I hear it getting rowdy in there, I'll step in.”

“Okay,” I nod, taking a deep breath and I notice Barnes is doing that breathing technique with me again so I feel calmer. “Shit, okay, let's do this.”

I'm led out into the room and placed near a door as Barnes gets Danny and shepherds him to an offshoot room before I follow. I'm left in there with only a desk between me and my ex as Barnes is outside with the door half open.

“Well hey princess. Long time no see,” Danny cracks a grin.

“What do you want?” I fold my arms, leaning back in the chair.

“Still as spicy as ever,” he laughs. “Prison's a good look for you. You've lost some weight. Maybe I shouldn't have taken you out so much, huh?”

“Are you serious right now?!” I sit up in anger.

“Could put you in one of those burlesque outfits and...goddamn...”

“Sure you have other girls you could have that fantasy with.”

“But they're not you. Oh princess, you really were my favourite you know. So chirpy, so eager to be a career woman but still a housewife at the same time. Such a wild fuck too. You were gonna be the one I proposed to.”

“Don't bullshit me. I'm not gonna hear it any more.”

“It's not bullshit, babe. I had the ring ready. Booked the Empire State for Christmas. Whole works. I remember you like Art Deco stuff.”

“Why are you here, Danny? Haven't you done enough?”

Danny leans forward after shrugging his jacket off and lowers his voice, “I'm here to get you out.”

“Why?”

“I think you've learned your lesson now, huh? You won't damage my shit again, will you princess? So I can pin this on a guy who's pissed me off and get your conviction turned over.”

“Again, why?”

“Such a smart cookie, my girl,” Danny grins, perfect teeth gleaming. “I need you back, babe. I miss you.”

“I don't miss you,” I reply acidly.

“Oh come on. Don't you miss being taken care of? Don't you miss all the nice clothes and the apartment? Don't you miss that thing I used to do with my tongue? Oh my god, I still jerk off over the videos we made.”

“Do you really think I want anything to do with you after what I found out? I don't deserve to be cheated on, least of all that many times Danny.”

When he reaches across to grab my hand, I resist the urge to punch him in the face. He just takes it softly, kissing the back of it like he used to do in the first few months of dating.

“Princess, being apart from you made me realise you're number one. You come back, I never look at another girl again.”

“You really are full of shit,” I scowl, yanking my hand back.

His charm drops from his face and it becomes that cold calculating thing I saw when I confronted him about the messages. Maybe Barnes had been right. Danny had manipulated me for a long time.

Thinking back, it was a subtle thing. Odd comments about some porn he'd seen that was really good and I'd end up emulating it, comments about my weight where I'd start restricting calories, comments about me being too forward in public and then I never spoke unless he did first at functions.

Oh shit.

I thought I was strong, that I made my own decisions but _really_ thinking back....who the hell was I when I was with Danny?

“Is that how we're gonna go with this?” Danny stands up, hands on the table. “You're really gonna give me attitude when I'm offering you help?”

“Help is not me getting an STD test every week or starving to look good in couture. Help is not giving me trust issues for the rest of my life.”

“You ungrateful fucking bitch,” he hisses. “You really wanna stay in here for another few months? Is that really preferable to me? You'd rather have pussy than dick now?”

“Just go, Danny,” I go back to folding my arms, trying to telegraph I was done with this.

Danny comes around the table, dragging me out of the chair and slamming me into the wall. With his hand around my throat, I'm scrabbling for air, desperately trying to yank his fingers away.

“You don't say fucking no to me, princess. You really wanna play it this way? How about I plant some more drugs in your dad's place and say you were stashing them there, huh? Intent to sell has a higher term than possession. Your life belongs to _me_ and all I want is for you to be a kept married woman who overlooks the occasional business trip, alright? Plenty of women do it. We had three good years, babe, didn't we? Don't be an idiot.”

I have to say, in that moment I was more afraid of Danny than I've ever been of Barnes. Barnes may have had the violence to back up his darker moods but Danny had money and resources and I truly believed he would keep me in here as long as he could if I didn't cave in. I was also rapidly losing air and I could feel the pressure in my face building.

“HE-!” I'm cut off by another hand over my mouth.

“Say yes, like my sweet little princess,” Danny nods my head for me. “There we go. Isn't that better? God I've missed you and that tight little cunt.”

I go to knee him in the balls but he anticipates it, clamping his thighs to stop my progress before punching me hard in the cheek, opening my skin where the signet ring drags along and I go down hard. I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a second because the next thing I knew, Danny was in cuffs with a bunch of guards around him and a cop was reading him his rights.

Barnes was scraping me up off of the floor and placing me on a chair, checking my eyes with a pen light before getting on his radio, “I need medical assistance here in visitation. Get him outta here.”

Danny is dragged away, finally shutting up for once. Guess he doesn't want to incriminate himself any more.

“Stay with me, Baby. Come on, you can do it. Blink if you understand me,” Barnes' tone is soft, his hands are warm and supportive.

I lazily blink, my head swimming and my ears ringing. I'm vaguely aware of something warm trickling down my cheek.

Then I must've blacked out again because the next thing I knew was Barnes carrying me in a hurry. Then I seemed to blink and I was in a hospital bed.

“Thank fuck, Baby,” comes a familiar voice. “You been out a while.”

“Trucker?” I croak out, turning my head to see her propped up on a bed. “Where am I?”

“You're in Medical. By all accounts ya took a hard dive n' nearly cracked your egg open,” she sits up. “Did Barnes do it? If he did, I'll fuckin' shank him the next time he comes near here. I'm here for life, I don't give a shit.”

“No!” I say quickly. “It was my ex. Came for visitation. Barnes saved me.”

“Then I'll shank your ex if he comes back,” Trucker snarls before hobbling out of her bed and throwing her brawny arms around me. “They told me what ya did, with Laurie? Can't thank you enough, Baby.”

“Anyone would've done it.”

“No, they wouldn'tve,” she snorts. “I ain't somebody that people care about to get Seg time You and me? We're bonded for life now. Your enemies are my enemies.”

“Thank you,” the comfort is well received.

“Diane, get off her. Go get your pudding cups. I need to speak to her alone,” Barnes' voice comes and Trucker detaches with a few choice curse words before stomping off to the day room next door.

Barnes comes and sits in the chair next to my bed, looking frantic as he assesses the damage to me.

“Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry it took me that long. The cop on duty was slacking off in the storeroom and it took me so long to find him. I needed to get your ex in the act. He's gonna go down for this.”

“No he's not,” I mutter darkly. “He's rich. He'll get the best lawyer and get off on a technicality.”

When I started crying, Barnes looked ready to murder someone.

“He was seen assaulting you. There's no way he can get past that.”

“He will,” I take a shuddering gasp. “Did you hear what he said to me?”

“Some of it. You were very strong, Baby.”

“He said he'd plant drugs at my dad's so I'd get extra time and he'd keep doing that if I didn't agree to be his trophy wife. Bucky, I'm really scared.”

I'd gone past the point of trying to salvage my independence here. As much as I had a toxic relationship with Barnes, I just knew he had boundaries, lines that were too much even for him. Right now, what had happened to me was clearly a step beyond even his warped morals.

“I know you are,” he takes my hand. “But I'll do everything I can to make sure he doesn't come near you again. You don't deserve to be here.”

“You won't keep me here, will you?”

He looks surprised at the question, his eyes widening and his mouth falling open, “Why would you think that?”

“I just want my appeal to go well and I wanna get out of here and I just...I just....I can't fucking take this any more!”

“Hey, hey,” Barnes pulls me into a fierce hug as I completely lose it, hitting my own head in frustration.

He pins my arms to my sides until I just crumple into his chest.

“I would never do that. I like you, I do but I'm not that reprehensible. I'm not your ex.”

“But you've done terrible things to me.”

“I know. I know I have. I'm trying to be better.”

“Then help me, please.”

“Nobody harms my girl.”

“But you.”

“But me,” he says darkly. “I ain't gonna pretend this is healthy but it kills me inside to see you like this. I'll do everything I can. Do you believe me?”

“Yes,” I sniffle.

“Okay, you just rest up. I'll get onto that cop.”

He places a much too tender kiss on my forehead before leaving the room. Trucker's still in the day room so I'm left to stare at the ceiling.

Much to my surprise, the warden comes in and takes a seat next to me.

“Barnes told me what happened. Are you alright?”

“No,” I say honestly.

Steve looks very weary, the lines on his forehead wrinkling as he strives for what he wants to say, “On behalf of the prison, I apologise. We should've caught this sooner. Danny wasn't supposed to be on the visitor's list but I guess Gordon didn't process that paperwork when I asked him to. This is our fault. I'm really sorry.”

“I didn't know he was capable of that. Nobody did,” I lay back in the pillows. “Don't blame yourself.”

“You're my inmate, I'm responsible for your welfare. He's barred from ever setting foot in this prison again. I got you a restraining order for your appeal so he can't come then and once you get out if he comes within a hundred feet of you, he'll be arrested. In the mean time, you'll rest up here and then you'll continue to rest for your own mental wellbeing. We'll continue our PR meetings to keep a bit of regularity.”

His jaw sets and he looks so guilty that I end up grabbing his hand without realising what I'm doing, without remembering I'm just a prisoner and squeeze it. None of this is his fault. None of it.

He looks down at my hand in surprise and I try to draw back but he prevents me from doing so, using his hand to squeeze mine back.

“I really am sorry. I'll make this right,” his serious blue eyes find mine and I get the sense he has a ingrained hero complex.

We finally let go of each other and he rakes his hand through his hair before reaching down to grab something he'd brought with him before passing it to me. It was a letter from the governor stating a date for a visit.

“She's agreed to visit on the basis of our premise. Thought you should have some good news for a change,” he tries a weak smile.

“Thank you.”

“I'd better get back. I just wanted to see you in person. I'll check on you tomorrow,” Steve gets up. “I'm-”

“-if you say sorry one more time.”

The half laugh is the most normal I've felt in the past few hours and this time his smile is more genuine.

“Rest up.”

He leaves and Trucker pokes her head around the door before seeing the coast is clear and comes back in. She hops onto the end of my bed, making it bounce with her weight.

“Are you fucking the warden too?”

“No!” I protest, the frown making my face hurt.

“Well that man's giving you the goo goo eyes. Ya got yourself in a bad spot here, Baby. The warden and Barnes start clashin', ain't gonna be good.”

“He doesn't see me that way. He barely knows me.”

“Don't be a dumb cunt, honey,” Trucker shakes her head at me. “You're a pet project to him, a damsel to save. Be careful. I got ya back, okay?”

“Trying to be.”

“I gotcha some puddin'. Pad those bones out a bit,” she thrusts a cup at me and, remembering Danny's words, I spooned the whole damn thing into my mouth.

**

Bucky was up on the balcony of the penthouse apartment within no time.

The old skills hadn't left him as he broke into the place with a practised ease and stole into the living room. It was full of that minimalist kind of furniture that has no soul.

He couldn't believe how quickly Danny had gotten bail. It was exactly like you'd said and he knew he had to take some more proactive action here to keep you safe.

He could hear a tinny voice, like someone on speaker coming from the bedroom and he peered in seeing Danny stroking his cock whilst talking to someone on video call. The noises were obscene and disgusting.

“Oh fuck, princess,” Danny groans. “Oh I'm gonna take you to the Empire State at Christmas. I got something important for you there.”

Rage flooded through Bucky. That was the very same thing Danny had said to you. Fucking bastard. He hadn't had any epiphany at all, he was just keen to have you back under his control.

Danny finishes weakly and clicks off the call before sighing, looking unsatisfied. He cleans up before starting to stroke himself again and he flips on a TV to his right and Bucky can just about see the homemade sex tape that pops up.

It's you.

It's you in some sinfully small lingerie that Bucky would kill to see you in in real life.

“Fuck why is it always the spicy ones who fuck so good?” Danny muses to himself, his cock hardening quickly at the video.

Guess one part of it was true at least. You were the best fuck of all of Danny's girls.

He couldn't watch this spectacle any more.

Bucky burst in, surprising his prey who yelled and tried to cover up as Bucky grabbed him, pinning him to the bed.

“What the fuck do you want?!” Danny yells. “I got money! Take it!”

“I don't want your money. You hurt my girl, you piece of shit. You hurt _my_ girl and had the audacity to try and blackmail her.”

“You're the prison guard?!” Danny tries to turn around. “What, she fucking for treats or something? You addicted to that pussy? I get it man, it's ambrosia but it's not worth this.”

“You know what's not worth my time? Dealing with scum like you,” Bucky hisses. “I just wanna get on with my job but you rich pricks always have to meddle in things at everyone else's expense and you.....”

But the words die in his throat. Danny must be lying on the remote because the video had skipped to a different one and he saw that familiar red hair.

“Natasha.”

“Yeah that's Natasha,” Danny latches onto the change of subject. “You want her? Take her. I can take someone else to the Empire State.”

“You were just talking with her?”

Bucky felt his stomach drop. Not only did Danny fuck _your_ life over but he fucked _his_ life over too. When Natasha had cleaned out his account, she'd run off to be with some other guy. He never in a million years expected that guy to be Danny.

“Yeah. Not as good of a fuck but still great eye candy.”

“She used to be my fiancée until _you_ came along apparently.”

Danny pales as much as he can under the fake tan and starts begging, “Listen man, I'll disappear, I'll head to the Bahamas.”

Bucky breaks his arm like it was nothing and Danny howls, starting to sob underneath him. Bucky just presses his face into the comforter to muffle the sounds.

“You think I'm gonna let you go?” he snarls. “You stole Natasha and now you're threatening my girl?”

“She was mine before you got your dick in her,” Danny growls in defiance before realising his mistake.

The audible pop of Danny's shoulder separating doesn't even phase Bucky. He just leans further down, “She's _mine_ you spoilt sack of shit and you hurt her so now I'm gonna hurt you.”

“I'll have you arrested. You won't get away with this!”

“Can't tell anyone if you're dead, Danny.”

He hauls the struggling brat off the bed and drags him to the balcony.

“No, NO!” Danny tries to yell but Bucky puts a hand over his mouth before grabbing the half drunk wine bottle and ramming the end into Danny's lips until he had no choice but to drink.

Once Bucky was satisfied the ploy would look realistic enough, he put the bottle in Danny's good hand before shoving him over the railing. He would've liked to have seen the moment when he hit the ground but he had to move.

Pulling his cap down and his hood up, he straightened the apartment back up, wiped down any surfaces he'd been near and exited out before taking the service elevator down three levels and then hopping out of the hallway window, moving down the drain pipe on the east side of the building where there were no cameras.

Once the screams hit his ears he knew Danny had been discovered.

He felt no remorse, only a sense of victory and a swell of pride. He'd gotten his revenge in more ways than one. The sting of Natasha's betrayal was very far in the background though compared to his satisfaction at having defended you.

Danny would never come after you again. You were free to get your appeal without fear and maybe this would make you see that he was the man for you after you got out. That he could be better than the beast that hurt you after Seg.

He'd do anything for you after all. His sweet little doll.

Even murder.


	11. Play With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tells you the news about Danny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, grief, smut
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> \- NB xx

Barnes didn't come to visit me the next day.

I had to wrestle with the unwelcome feeling of disappointment at that fact. I should be thankful for the reprieve but I just remember being cradled in his arms after Danny and knowing he wouldn't let anyone hurt me. I just wanted that safe feeling.

I had to lean on the warden for that instead and, although Trucker's words were still in my mind, I couldn't help but seek some comfort on some level. Steve let me have sodas and takeout, trying to pep me up but it was difficult to swallow when my throat was so bruised.

“Do you need any help?” Steve looks at me concerned as I cough around a mouthful of food.

“I'm....well I'm not fine really,” I look at the floor. “I don't know why I was going to lie.”

“You don't need to feel like you should hide anything with me. I don't judge and I will always do what's best for you here,” Steve comes around to sit on the side of the desk I'm on. “Now I have to give you some news and I need you to be prepared, okay?”

“Okay....”

“Danny died yesterday.”

“What?” I look up sharply. “How?!”

“Got drunk and fell over his balcony,” Steve stuffs his hands into his pants pockets. “He'd had the equivalent of three bottles of wine.”

“He's been drunk on that balcony plenty of times and never fallen over,” I shake my head. “It's just....that doesn't sound like him.”

“He did have cocaine in his system too. They think he was distressed about the trial and lost his balance.”

That really didn't sound like Danny. The thing was, why question it though? Sure it was odd but that meant Danny was gone. He was out of my life and he couldn't control it any more. I was free.

Why was I crying though? Relief?

I can see Steve's knuckles are tightening on the desk as he fights to keep himself professional. Guess he didn't like being around upset women much.

“I'm sorry,” I wipe my cheeks with the back of my sleeve. “I don't even know why I have the waterworks right now. He was an asshole and he doesn't deserve them.”

“He was still a part of your life,” Steve says gently. “Did he...did he ever hurt you? Before I mean?”

“Not overtly. Just stuff like he'd be very...uh...rough in showing affection. It was more an emotional thing.”

“I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to be. _You_ didn't do anything to me, did you?”

Steve sighs, “Sometimes I hate this job because I have to pretend I'm a robot. I can help but only so much. But screw it. Professionalism be damned, I hope this doesn't overstep a line with you but-”

And I fling myself into his arms. I'm really not proud of it but I do. I just want someone to hold me. Is that so wrong? Well....probably considering this was the warden of the prison but I'd already hit my breaking point. Judge me all you like but in that moment, pressed up against a chest that was a lot more solid than I was expecting, I found a bit of peace.

Steve hesitates, unsure what to do for a second before wrapping his arms around me. I catch the smell of cedarwood and musk and eventually my crying stops. Steve is rubbing soothing circles on my back, humming the song I'd told him was one of my favourites when he'd played the vinyl records.

“I'm sorry,” I break away. “I probably shouldn't have done that.”

“I shouldn't have either,” Steve's gaze is unreadable. “Let's keep this between us, huh?”

“Okay. Thank you, by the way. I know you're risking your job to do this.”

“I can't just stand there and let you cry. That's not me.”

“Steve...”

He's breathing hard, still with his hands on me and his gaze keeps flicking across my face. I can feel the tension winding tightly between us and I'm sure if I moved an inch forward that all hell would break loose.

Did I want that? I didn't really know. Sure Steve was handsome and he was kind and he was....okay, let's be frank here. Steve is the kind of guy I _should_ be dating on the outside.

Would I have been like his ex-wife and hated his career choice? No. I would've thought it was sweet. Would I like to jump his bones? Well.....yeah.

Was it appropriate?

Hell no.

“I really need to let go before I do something stupid,” Steve whispers, lingering for a few seconds more before dropping his arms and stepping back before blowing air out hard. “I'm sorry.”

“No, it's my fault. I overstepped,” I hurriedly apologise, going towards the door and slipping out before he can say another word.

I'm allowed to go by myself to the medical bay so I just run the entire way there, half jumping into the bed, thankful Trucker is in the day room.

I just need time to process.

I'm very sure I was about five minutes away from trying to kiss Steve and my emotions were tangled enough as it is. I was still in shock with what Danny did and his ultimate fate and the whole mess with Barnes was just too much to unpick. God knows I didn't need to add anything else to it.

“Did you fuck him?” Trucker gives me a reproachful look as she comes back in. “Ya look conflicted, Baby.”

“No I didn't,” I scowl.

“Ahhhh. Y'almost did,” she nods, snorting. “Baby, stop thinkin' with ya cunt. Men ain't worth it. I'm tellin' ya this now. Either break it off with Barnes or stay away from the warden. _Do not_ try n' have both. They'll get all jealous n' try n' take you down first rather than each other. I don't care how good a fuck either a' them are.”

“I know, okay? I know. It's just....fuck....they found Danny last night all over the pavement. Dropped over the balcony.”

“Good,” is all Trucker says. “Fuckin' bastard had it comin'. Shame I couldn't do it myself.”

“Trucker, I'm in way over my head,” I groan. “What is so special about me that Barnes and Rogers keep coming back?”

“Darlin', you're pretty, you're smart n' you look like ya a giver in sex. That's the damn trifecta for male desire. As long as y'aint smarter than them a' course.”

“What do I do?” I lie back in the bed covering my face. “Either way I'm fucked here.”

“Keep with Barnes until your appeal,” Trucker grunts, swinging her large frame into her own bed. “Then dump the fucker and start a life with Rogers on the outside.”

“Trucker!”

“You asked my opinion,” she shrugs. “Warden is the nice suburban prospect where ya get to have a nice house n' kids n' a dog. Thought you lifestyle bitches went crazy for that sort of thing?”

“And what prospect is Barnes?”

“If I had to guess?” Trucker puts her arms behind her head. “Really good sex, a moderate life but a lot a' therapy but maybe a lot of domestic violence too. Guy has a hair trigger.”

“Maybe I should just stay away from both of them when I get out.”

“Now you're thinking with ya head, Baby. I need a nap, go on n' watch some TV for a while. Let an old woman rest.”

“Thanks Trucker,” I pat her on the leg before walking into the day room.

I'm not really concentrating on whatever daytime talk show is on. I'm just thinking over and over about the hell of a situation I've gotten myself into. I wish Steve hadn't said anything at all to me, had stayed away. My head was all over the place.

Trucker was right. Steve represented the way out, the blue collar life I'd been trying to live but Barnes...Barnes was the excitement I craved, the dangerous parts of Danny. I knew at that point I was really entrenched in picking toxic men.

“Hey, Baby.”

I startle, turning around to see Barnes leaning against the door frame. He looks tired, big bags under his eyes and his beard is getting a little overlong.

“Hey.”

“Come on, let's talk in private,” he nods and I'm already following like a dutiful little inmate.

He takes me to the library, turfing some of the girls out and I notice Carmela giving me a funny look.

“Tell Preacher I'm okay, will you?” I whisper to her as I pass and she gives me a solemn nod.

Barnes locks the door before directing me to the desk and I sit on it, wondering whether he's just here for a good time or he just wants to talk. Normally I'd be having my jumpsuit stripped off by now.

“About Danny,” Barnes is struggling with the words, brushing a stray hair back. “Baby, when I saw what he was doing to you, I was so scared. When you told me what said to you, I was even more scared. I want to protect you from scum like that. _He_ should be in a prison, not you. I did something really bad, sweetheart.”

He trails off and starts chewing his lip.

“Wait,” realisation hits. “You killed him, didn't you? I know Danny. He was drunk a lot and he always avoided the edge of the balcony even when he was shitfaced.”

“You were right, he got out on bail almost immediately,” Barnes' eyes darken. “I wasn't going to let him control your life, blackmail you. What I did...I'll live with forever but I don't regret it. Not a single iota. It freed you and if it catches up with me then so be it.”

“Bucky,” I breathe, absolutely stunned. “You did that for me?”

“Yes,” he nods furiously. “He was never gonna stop. You know what I caught him doing just before it happened? He was promising another girl the same proposal he said to you. I fucking snapped.”

“The Empire State thing?”

“Yeah, only...” he laughs bitterly, sitting on the desk next to me. “Guess who the girl was?”

I searched my brain. It had to be someone we both knew or that he'd mentioned to me....and then it clicked.

“No.....Natasha?!”

“Yeah, Natasha. Small world, huh?” he swings his feet like a child. “Guess I know where she went now.”

“Bucky, I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” he smiles genuinely at me. “It was a kind of closure for me. I woke up this morning and I just felt.....lighter. Granted I didn't sleep much but hey.”

“Did he cry in the end?” I ask quietly.

“Like a little bitch. Not only did he have the audacity to go straight to Natasha after what he did to you, he then went on to jack off to a video you'd both made. I didn't make his last moments very pleasant.”

“Yeah he told me he still had those,” I sigh. “I should be horrified right now but I'm just...I'm not. I'm relieved and I feel like a bad person for feeling that.”

“You have nothing to feel bad about. He was going to ruin your life even more,” Barnes grabs my hand. “Danny was an evil fuck.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” I look straight at him and his eyes crease up as he gives a wide smile.

Why exactly did I move forward and kiss Barnes willingly? I knew he was dangerous, I knew he'd just murdered someone but I was grateful and my twisted brain saw it as a declaration of protection, of affection.

He accepted me wholeheartedly, kissing me back in the most gentle way we've ever done this. There was no expectation of fucking at the end of it. This was a kiss that become a lot more romantic than I was intending it to be but I got lost in the moment.

“I'd do anything to keep you safe, Baby,” he whispers as we break apart.

“I don't know what we are, though,” I whisper back. “This was just meant to be a means to an end. You hurt me, you broke me and I still come back. Why do I do that?”

I didn't really intend for him to answer but he does.

“Because you feel it the same as I do. That pull. I just saw an opportunity for fun but the more time I've spent with you, the more you mess with my head. I act out a lot, I _lash_ out a lot because I don't understand what I'm feeling or I try to deny it. I can't promise I won't ever hurt you again. Nobody can make that promise to you but I can try and be better.”

I think at this point I just needed familiarity and Barnes was that familiarity now. I pushed him back across the desk, kissing him hard. I just needed him. I needed intimacy and I needed it on my terms.

I needed to take back control.

I yanked his belt open, pulling his pants down before taking my suit off and straddling over the top of him.

“You sure?” he steadies my hips. “Even after what I did?”

“Bucky, shut up,” I line myself up over his hardening cock, letting it run along the slick folds of my pussy until I knew he was firm enough.

“All yours, Baby,” he rests his hands on my thighs, a signal he was letting me run the show.

I sank down on his cock and he groaned heavily, his head falling back. Setting my own pace, I just went for it. There was nothing charming about this, nothing loving, I just fucked him hard, grinding and rolling my hips.

He was dragging against a spot that had me making tiny little whimpers and my fingers were digging into his chest.

“Fuck, doll,” Barnes swears. “Oh my god. Fuck!”

I felt him twitch in me before his thumb found my clit and starting tracing light circles there.

“Harder,” I half growl. “Make me cum, Bucky.”

“With pleasure, sweetheart.”

He presses more firmly and I feel the tension building, climbing and in a flurry of desperate movements I finally tipped over the edge and came hard, falling forward as it overtook me. Barnes sat up, holding me tightly whilst he took over, fucking me from underneath and I lay my head on his shoulder.

“Look at me, Baby,” he pleads and I know he's close too.

I meet his gaze and he kisses me hard, embracing me and moaning into my mouth as he fills me up. We don't stop kissing immediately and it becomes something languid, tongues meeting each other until we finally stop, panting hard.

“Fuck that was....goddamn you are amazing,” Barnes praises me.

“Bucky, I can't promise what'll happen when I get out,” I start, shaking a little from the exertion. “You know that right? I don't want to give false hope if things end up taking another turn.”

He looks crestfallen for a second but covers it up well, “I know, doll. I know. Killing Danny doesn't bind us together or some shit. I know that. I don't want to step into his shoes and say you have to be with me. I'm not him. I'm my own brand of fucked up but I'm not him. The worst you'll get from me is neediness and possessiveness but I will never _never_ do what he did. So if you don't want me after your appeal then fine, if you'd rather fuck Rogers then fine but at least I tried to do something to help you rather than make it worse like I have been doing.”

“Are you really sorry?” I press. “For Seg? You looked like you enjoyed it.”

“I ain't perfect, Baby. You know that. You've seen the worst of me and there's still worse inside. I'm not anybody's first choice for a man since the war. I'm broken, I'm hideously scarred, I'm mentally unstable and those are just the big three issues....but I deserve a chance to change, don't I?”

“Can you change, Bucky?” I whisper, undoing his bun because I like his hair better wild.

“For you, I would.”

“Why me?”

“You didn't care about the ugliness on the outside and you challenged me about the ugliness on the inside. Because I get this feeling if we'd met in other circumstances that we might have had a proper relationship, one built on happier things rather than...than this. Rather than me fucking up my job and manipulating you and you fighting me every step of the way.”

“For the record, I wouldn't have cared about your arm if we'd met a normal way.”

“And that's why you're amazing and you deserve better than me but I just couldn't let Danny ruin your life, Baby. I care.”

“I need to get back to Medical before the Warden turns up again, he's been coming in at random times,” I change the subject.

This was getting too heavy for me and I wasn't committing to saying anything until I had space to think. Now was not the right time to be thinking about the future.

Barnes' grip on me tightens a little, “Do you like him? Rogers?”

“He's kind to me.”

“You think he's attractive?”

“I have eyes, Bucky.”

“Please don't do anything with him,” he buries his face in my chest to hide it. “I'm not a begging man but...I know he's everything you need and probably want. He's the better choice in every single way but I'd be.....sad if you got involved.”

“He's the Warden, I'm an inmate,” I deflect.

“Baby, I'm not stupid,” he looks up, teary eyed. “I heard Trucker and you talking.”

I freeze up, expecting an outburst but it doesn't come.

“I can't tell you not to, I can ask though,” he presses a gentle kiss to my sternum. “Oh doll, I let you too far into my life, didn't I?”

He doesn't wait for an answer, helping me dismount and redress before doing the same for himself. He takes me back to Medical in silence before lingering outside the door with me. He doesn't say anything but strokes my cheek softly before disappearing down the corridor.

I'm left completely twisted up and my emotions knotted impossibly.

What the hell do I do about Bucky Barnes?

**

He left you in the corridor without saying anything and it was hard. It was hard not to sink to his knees and make you swear to stay away from Steve.

Hearing that snippet of conversation was like a knife to his heart but he reasoned that he hadn't told you about Danny at that point. Now you had more facts to make a decision with.

You'd pick him though, right?

I mean you were so intimate with him in the library just now. That was the kind of sex you have with a long term partner when there's so much trust there. You had to have felt it too.

He could see you were conflicted but that only meant you had to like him on some level. Problem was is that you're gonna be exposed to Steve in equal amounts until the governor visits and until the appeal. He'd have to bide his time.

Once you got out, if you walked away from him, he could handle that. He'd go back to his dull little life. If you chose the Warden though?

Could he feasibly kill Steve and not have it point to him?

Something to think about during his lunch break.


	12. Sunny Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You prepare to go back to Gen Pop but tensions rise between Bucky and the Warden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst, violence
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> Happy reading!  
> \- NB xx

I'd settled into a weird routine during my time in Medical.

I'd see Steve during the morning where our conversations continued to be work focused but there was a creeping edge of sexual tension. I tried my best to ignore it, to put up a barrier because I was scared, not of Steve but of myself. Steve was starting to represent something normal for me, an escape from this prison reality. Trucker was right, Steve was the kind of person girls dream to get into a relationship with.

He was kind, he was patient, he was genuinely interested in what I had to say and we found a lot of common ground.

Plus he was attractive but that's almost secondary to me since Barnes had come into my life. I knew that beauty was superficial and hid many sins underneath.

Speaking of Barnes, he'd find me in the afternoons, take me to the library where we'd work out the nervous energy I'd collated during the day. By that I mean we fucked...a lot.

I'd had no more confessions or declarations from him. It was like he assumed he had my affections already.

It was hard being in the middle of these two men and my anxiety only grew the more bold Barnes was becoming in the hallways, trying to kiss me like he was kissing his girlfriend goodbye. I was worried we would be seen and I didn't know if that was because of the fallout on Barnes or that I'd be disappointing Steve.

I was nearly finished with my stay in Medical and would be going back to Gen Pop today. Trucker had already gone back two days ago. I missed everyone horribly, as sad as it was. Preacher, Marisol, Carmela...even Arlene and her trashy opinions on men. I saw brief glances of them sometimes when Barnes would take me to the library but I wanted to talk to somebody and just have a conversation with no hidden meaning.

I couldn't wait to get back to Gen Pop.

**

Bucky had been called in to see the warden and upon entering the office, he instantly knew the atmosphere had dropped.

Steve was leaning on his desk, his hands either side of him and his head bowed a little. He didn't even have his suit blazer off so Bucky knew he meant business.

“Take a seat, Buck,” Steve was giving him the serious eyebrows so Bucky just sat, not wanting to piss his boss off. “We need to talk.”

“Sure. What's on your mind, Steve?”

“I'm...concerned. I'm concerned about your behaviour with one of the inmates. I think you know which one. They call her Baby.”

“Has someone said something about me?”

“It's what I've observed myself. I notice you've been taking her to the library. Why?”

Bucky tried not to let his face fall, to listen to that growing panic in his chest and kept that stoic face that he'd perfected in the army. He'd gotten too lax, treated it like this was on the outside. He should've been more covert.

“Because she likes reading, she loved that job and she needed something to do. Medical was boring her and I thought she'd been through enough with that asshole ex of hers. You didn't see her getting choked, Steve. You didn't hear the shit he said to her. It was vile.”

Steve just sighs, fixing him with a shrewd stare, “I know you got a good heart, Buck but because of what happened with Marian, I have to ask you to stop interacting with her unless absolutely necessary. The Duma twins can take over her management.”

“Steve, come on! I was just being nice!” he protests.

“Bucky, your job is on the line as it is. Do you want me to write you up for this? If you keep getting defensive about it, I'm gonna start thinking something's up.”

“I'm not defensive, I just find it unfair. She's been through some horrible shit and I was trying to keep her mind off it,” Bucky's on his feet knowing he's treading on dangerous territory.

“I know that,” Steve stands up too, squaring his shoulders. “For god's sake, Bucky. I'm trying to help you here. Don't bite the goddamn hand that's been keeping you in a job even when you fuck up badly. You know what? I'm just gonna come out and ask. Are you being inappropriate with her?”

“No!”

“Swear to me. Swear to me because if I find out you're lying, you'll never work in correctional again.”

“I swear. Fuck,” Bucky growls. “I'm not a fuckin' monster, Steve.”

“I know you're not but you have history and issues and I'm not entirely sure you're keeping up your therapy appointments any more.”

“I'm doing much better.”

“That's not for you to decide. That's for your therapist.”

“Fuck the therapist. I'm fine, Steve.”

“You look tired, your reports are getting sloppy and now this. Bucky, you're taking a week off.”

“Steve don't-”

“-It's Warden Rogers. You need to remember that,” Steve's tone is more cold than Bucky ever remembers it. “Either you take a week off or I'm suspending you for a week. Your choice.”

Bucky stumbles for the words. If he leaves you now, who knows what'll happen to you. He highly suspects there's an ulterior motive to his forced leave, that Steve wants you for himself but he can't say anything right now. If he makes a move, it'll be easily found out. He can't get rid of Steve so he needs to bide his time.

“Sorry,” Bucky feigns his body slumping back into the chair before putting his head in his hands. “I'm sorry. I came across the guy Natasha left me for and it's knocked me on my ass lately. I've not slept and I don't have the energy to go to therapy.”

“Then you'll need the break. Take the time to heal, Buck. You know I don't like doing this but I'm trying to protect you. Go take the rest of the day off and get started.”

“Yes, warden.”

Bucky gets up ready to leave but Steve just coughs to get his attention.

“If I see you near Medical, there'll be consequences.”

“I'm not going to Medical. I'm gonna get my tablet back off Janey. She borrowed it for her kid,” Bucky thinks on his feet.

“That'll be all then.”

Bucky walks out, longing to go to see you but he knowing he'll be watched. It tears him apart to take steps further away from you, in the opposite direction but he can't tell you what's going on. He just imagines you feeling scared and alone and he wants so much to march into Steve's office and to throttle the fucking life out of him for doing this.

He goes home in a foul mood, wrapping himself in the sheets that he'd stolen from your home, the ones on your bed that smelled like you, the you before prison and seethed, he stewed in his rage. He'd wait alright, he'd wait for you, he'd help you with your appeal, he'd make you get your sentence overturned and then you'd come live with him. You'd live with him in this house that was much too big for just him, that mocked him with its emptiness. You'd make it into a home and he'd know a peace he wouldn't have found in years.

He started researching good lawyers that very moment but he had another call to make first.

**

“Time to go back,” Steve smiles at me. “Ready for this?”

“Yeah, I'm ready.”

“Good, I'll take you to Gen Pop and we'll continue our meetings. The governor will be here in four days so we'll have to finish our presentation tomorrow. Think you're up for that?”

“Yeah, I think we've got a good few inmates to speak up for the cause. We'll get that funding.”

“That's the spirit,” he grins.

When he takes me to Gen Pop, there's already something not right. It's like dissension is in the air, unrest. He lets me in and I spot Preacher across the way furiously motioning for me to move. I don't know why she's so insistent.

Steve locks the gate and starts walking away and I'm left with this bad feeling like I'm ready to run at any second.

“BABY MOVE!” Preacher yells.

I barely have time to duck before one of Laurie's old crew comes at me with a shank. Gen Pop explodes into chaos around me, everyone brawling and it's so much worse than when Laurie and Trucker were fighting. The entire place is in uproar and I don't know why.

I duck, running towards Preacher who hits one of the tweakers with her hardback copy of the Bible. I don't know why I think it's a good idea to go to her. Preacher's fragile but she also doesn't take any shit.

“COME ON!” Marisol is waving me over.

By now the guards are streaming in and even Steve is in the fray. He's separating girls from beating each other's faces in a little ways behind me.

I get tackled by a woman with no front teeth, her hair brittle at the ends from a bad dye job that's grown out as she tries to punch me in the cheek. I block her fist, headbutting her so she reels back and scramble away and up, kicking her in the chest for good measure.

I feel a sharp pain across my shoulder as someone is thrown into the back of me and get towards the wall where no one can sneak up from behind.

Steve's jacket is gone and his arm is bleeding.

Fuck this was bad.

What the hell was going on?!

I'm too distracted and get a hand around my neck. The biggest of Laurie's crew....Nadja I think, she's trying to strangle me and even when I stamp on her feet, pull her hair and knee her right between the legs, she barely lets up her grip.

My saviour is Arlene who screeches like a wildcat and hooks her bony arm around Nadja's neck, getting her in a headlock before pulling her away.

“BABY GET HERE!” Preacher yells to me again.

I want to but there's a wall of fighting women in the way. I can't even ask Trucker to help because she's got four women on top of her trying to pin her down and she's still not a hundred percent healed.

An arm encircles my waist, pulling me out of the swing of a trowel that would've buried itself in my head. The arm is crushing and I'm having difficulty breathing.

“Get off me!” I squirm.

“It's me! It's me!” Steve says in my ear. “I'm getting you out. Move with me to the door.”

“I can't leave everyone else!”

“It's _you_. They're trying to kill _you_ ,” he hisses. “Now come with me.”

He drags me backwards, taking blows as he went, keeping me covered with his body as we get to the gate. He looks at the Duma twins before nodding.

“Hose pipe procedure. They want to act up, they'll get punished,” Steve says grimly. “Lockdown afterwards. I want the ringleaders. Separate them into Seg and I'll deal with them. I'm _not_ having this happen in my prison. Get it under control.”

“Yes warden,” they nod before carrying pipes in.

The second cold water blasts onto the battleground, there's shrieks and cries before people start scattering back their cells, desperate to get away. The indignation of some voices can be heard all the way back to Steve's office as he takes me inside and shuts the door, letting out a long breath and leaning his head against the wood.

I just weakly stand there, wondering what the everliving fuck just happened. I knew Laurie's crew hated me for getting her transferred but I didn't think they'd cause a scene the second I got back in Gen Pop. It didn't make sense.

“Are you alright?” Steve moves back, checking me over.

“I'm fine, worry about yourself more. Is your arm okay?” I ask, looking at the red stained shirt.

“I've had worse,” he glances at it casually. “It's not deep, it'll be fine.”

“Do you have a first aid kit in here?” I ask.

I just want something to do, okay? I'm shaking, my heart is going a million miles an hour and I might cry if I don't.

“Top shelf,” he points.

I grab it before telling him to sit. I then realise I can't get to his cut without the fabric getting in the way.

“Uh...could you take your shirt off, please?” I try not to die of embarrassment.

He wordlessly removes it, letting it drop to the floor and I can see he's just as well muscled as Bucky is, if not slightly more. He hides his physique well.

Rather than gawking, I set to work, cleaning the still weeping cut and patching it up. He doesn't make a single sound of discomfort the entire time.

“I didn't know you were so good at this,” he remarks after I've applied the gauze and started wrapping bandages around his huge bicep.

“I have a lot of hidden talents you don't know about,” I don't even care about the tone any more.

I don't care about being professional. I just want five normal minutes.

“I'm sure you do. Shit....this is really going to derail the visit,” he cradles his head in his hand. “Why did this have to happen now?”

“This can still be cleaned up. None of the girls selected were involved that I could see. Shouldn't take more than a day to clear up the water. Keep the instigators in Seg and don't let the Governor near them. You can still do this.”

“I love how much faith you have,” he sighs. “I'm just....I'm sorry. I didn't know I was sending you back into that. I feel like it's my fault. Barnes didn't tell me you'd made enemies beyond Laurie.”

“I didn't mean to make enemies,” I finish the bandage. “They're Laurie's old crew.”

“I can't have you going back into that. Those girls need to stay in Gen Pop.”

“So where am I supposed to go? Seg?” my voice hitches a little higher in fear.

“No, of course not. I had a tester wing prepped as part of my presentation to the Governor. I was gonna put the old girls and the ones who'd earned good privileges in there as part of a little community. It probably houses at least twelve girls for now but I was going to expand it with funding. You can stay there and tell me any people you think are trustworthy enough to join you. It'll be more like having roommates than cellmates. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I would be fine with that.”

“Good. I can get that arranged tomorrow but you'd be the first occupant tonight, if you don't mind sleeping alone.”

“I'll be okay. I'm a big girl.”

He laughs, “Yeah I saw that headbutt. Impressive by the way.”

“Thank you.”

I really want to ask why Barnes didn't show up but I'm afraid if I mention him that it'll throw the spotlight of suspicion on our interactions. I'd just have to grit my teeth for now. Honestly, I felt let down. Barnes would never have allowed the riot to get that full scale.

Even with Trucker vs Laurie, it was dispersed quickly and everyone shepherded back to the cells.

Maybe he'd gone off me, maybe he needed some space. Maybe he was full of shit all along.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks gently. “You don't look alright at all.”

“Just a bit shaken.”

“I'll put my spare shirt on. This can't be helping your nerves,” he tests his arm experimentally, wincing slightly as he rotates his shoulder.

“It's fine-I mean....that's not why I'm....I mean....fuck, I don't know what I mean,” I babble, tripping over myself and I make the mistake of looking up at him just as he stands over me.

His presence was broad but whereas Bucky's had an intimidating air, Steve's was gentle, comforting. I was getting into dangerous waters again because my mind wouldn't stop thinking about his damn powerful shoulders.

What the hell had Barnes turned me into in here? I couldn't control my hormones any more. I was so used to sex all the time that I was projecting onto the warden. At least....I think I was projecting...maybe I just _wanted_ the warden. God, this was hurting my head.

“Why do you look at me like that?” he says softly, gazing down at me.

“Like what?”

“Like you're tormented. I've not hurt you, have I? I know there have been moments where it's been...awkward since that day but I'd be horrified to think I've not treated you well.”

“It's nothing you've done. It's me. I'm sorry,” I hang my head, knowing if I look at him that I might break. “It's just this place is a tinderbox for emotions and I....”

“Talk to me.”

“I just...I wish I'd ended up with someone like you rather than Danny,” I blurt out.

Oh I've fucked this up so badly. I should've kept silent. I'm letting my moods rule me and I'm not thinking with my head. I'm so scared of something ordinary, so frightened that Barnes will hurt me again that I don't know what to do and I'm panicking now.

“You don't need to be afraid,” Steve whispers. “I wish I'd ended up with someone like you rather than Peggy. I wish I didn't meet you in here.”

He's so close. I could just reach up....

No. No I can't. Barnes definitely _will_ hurt me if I do. He says he won't but he's already killed someone. He's proved he's capable of the worst thing possible, even if it was to help me.

I'm trapped.

I'm fucking trapped and I'm only just realising this.

Shit!

I can't have what I want because Barnes has got me well and truly in a cage of his own.

“You want this too, don't you?” Steve breaks into my thoughts with a sad smile. “But this can't happen.”

“No, it can't.”

“Because I'd lose my job.”

“Yes you would.”

“And we'd never see each other again.”

“No we wouldn't.”

“And Barnes would be able to do whatever he liked with you.”

My breath catches and there's no way he hasn't noticed the fear in my eyes. I'm too caught off guard to hide my expression well.

“Yes he would.”

And with that out in the open, we moved close to each other and shared one solitary bittersweet kiss before those professional boundaries went up once more and we became just a warden and an inmate again because that's all we could be for now.


	13. Winter's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You move into the new wing with your cell mates but it becomes apparent that Bucky's still managing to keep tabs on you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, abuse of authority, mentions of racism, manipulation, PTSD episode, smut, mental health triggers
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> Happy reading!  
> -NB xx

“Baby, I bless e'ryday you came into this prison,” Preacher marvels at the new wing. “My own bed. My own space. Sweetie, you are a miracle for an old gal like me.”

The people I'd selected with Steve to join me were as follows:

Preacher and Trucker were a given. They were the mothers I'd not had in my normal life and they looked after me with a fierceness that made me want to cry because nobody had ever defended me as much as those two had.

Arlene, Marisol and Carmela came with me too, my little group of girls who were not afraid to get into a fight and had become more like dysfunctional sisters in the months that I'd been here.

I'd also selected a couple of the girls Steve was going to have give their examples of extenuating circumstances to the governor to still keep them sweet after the mini riot but I also knew they'd cause no trouble here.

Tiffany was the very definition of 'mall America' and had been coerced by her boyfriend into taking the fall for an armed robbery that he'd tried to do on a department store. She had an easygoing air about her and was another person that the girls remarked didn't look like she belonged. She was just too sweet but she didn't have any confidence in herself whatsoever.

Erika was a little bit older than Tiffany but still quite young, the daughter of a stock broker who took bribes on the side. She'd tried to live up to what she thought her Daddy wanted her to be and wasn't very smart about not getting caught. Erika made me laugh a lot and she'd confided in me when I was choosing girls for Steve's presentation that originally she'd wanted to be a ballerina but she got bullied out of the school for not wanting to wear pink point shoes because they never matched her skin tone. The rest of us had a few choices words for the people that had harassed her about it. I really hoped she got to do her dream when she got out in a year's time. She had beautiful form when she pirouetted.

Iris was an old girl who'd shot her husband when she caught him in bed with her sister, and then shot the sister too. This was all in 1952 and she'd had many years to reflect on what she'd done. I can't say she was particularly remorseful but as she pointed out to me, she'd only ever hurt those two people and as far as she was concerned, they had it coming and she'd done nothing bad since. A crime of passion was a crime of passion.

I still had three beds I could fill but I left that decision up to Steve so it wouldn't look like I got to play favourites. As it stood, he'd not decided to put anyone else in the new wing dubbed already by Gen Pop as 'Florida', a place for the old girls to die in peace and for the younger ones to have the run of the entertainment available.

I think Steve was mainly too busy dealing with the riot instigators.

Marcin Duma waved me over to the entrance and took me out into the corridor. Both the Duma's were apparently now looking after me.

“I have a message from Barnes for you,” Marcin leaned against the wall, checking no one was around.

“Where is he, by the way?” I try to keep conversational.

“Vacation time,” Marcin answers succinctly. “But he wanted to let you know he's got a good lawyer lined up for your appeal so you don't have to take the state sponsored one. Told you not to worry about the price or anything and he'd take care of it.”

“He's...he's getting me a lawyer?” I blink. “Why?”

“How the fuck should I know?” Marcin shrugs. “Evidently your pussy is just that good I guess. Oh don't give me that look, we all know. Everyone except Janey that is. Barnes gives us good perks not to notice.”

“He really does run the entire prison, huh?”

“The warden thinks he does but nothing gets done here without Barnes' say-so. We like Barnes more than Rogers. Rogers is too stiff and he doesn't understand you can't always follow the rules looking after inmates. Sometimes we need to remind him he doesn't have full control.”

“What are you saying Duma?” I narrow my eyes.

“And Barnes said you were smart,” he looks to the heavens and sighs. “You think a riot starts that quickly on its own?”

“Wait.... _Barnes_ is the reason for it?!”

I'm shushed with Marcin's hand over my mouth and I resist the urge to bite it. Patronising fuck.

“Duh. Rogers is getting too big for his boots. He needed a reality check. As for you? Barnes knew this wing was here. He wanted you out of Gen Pop anyway before he went on vacation so enjoy it, I guess. Play nice in there, Barnes will be back in a few days.”

“Does he want me in there because there's no cameras yet?” I call to Marcin's retreating back.

Marcin twirls on his heels, winks at me and walks off again, saying over his shoulder, “Not so dumb after all. Be good, Baby. He'll know if you're not.”

“Because you'll tell him?”

“We all will,” he says before he turns the corner and vanishes out of my line of sight.

I felt sick and I slumped against the wall for a moment. Bucky was monitoring me even when he wasn't physically around, he'd just proved he could change my life even from outside and all it took was a well placed call to his idiot guard cronies.

I didn't know what to think.

Sure it was nice moving into Florida wing, I had my friends around me, I had more freedom but the way I'd gotten this privilege? I'd nearly been killed all because Bucky wanted to challenge Steve's authority, to show Steve couldn't keep me safe.

It had had the opposite effect though. Steve selflessly shielding me, dragging me to safety had made me see what true heroism was, not murdering my ex for the sake of keeping me as solely theirs.

And still through all of this revulsion at Bucky's actions, I still felt that pang of pity for him, I still remember him pouring his heart out to me and that was still hard to shake off. I'd felt something more than hatred or attraction in that moment and it still haunted me. The intimate sex where I'd taken control....I still thought about it because for one brief time, I could pretend this was a loving relationship that we had.

Fuck, this was so fucking messed up. I should get far away from both of these men for my own sanity once I'm out. Maybe I'd move across the country and start again.

“What are you doing on the floor?” Erika pokes her head around the door. “The chairs in here are much comfier to have mental breakdowns on.”

“That obvious?” I push myself up to my feet.

“Nothing good comes of the Duma twins hanging around,” she takes my hand, pulling me back inside. “But this might cheer you up. Look at this.”

And to my astonishment, Trucker was sat at the craft table in the big common room doing needle point and from what I could tell, she was sewing a flower.

I'll be damned

**

Life in Florida during that first day was amazing.

Steve had been right, it was more like having room mates. We all talked to each other more, we discovered hidden talents from each other on the craft table and there was more laughter in that wing than I've ever heard in Gen Pop.

Although the Duma twins were monitoring me on Steve's orders, Janey was the guard who was in charge of Florida and I could tell it was even having an effect on her to see inmates much happier. She smiled more for a start.

At lights out, she locked us all in our rooms after we'd tidied up and it was peaceful. I'd already slept a night by myself in here but it was so luxurious to not be in an open plan room or have bunk mates. I drifted off so quickly.

I dreamt of Steve that night. I dreamt about if we'd gone further that day when I patched up his arm. I dreamt about running my hands up that bare muscled chest, pulling him close and letting his hands slide down the front of my pants. It felt so real, the touch of his fingers and the throbbing between my legs.

I woke up, wondering for a moment if I was still dreaming but there _was_ a hand down my pants and it _was_ rubbing against me.

“Oh Baby, I've missed you,” Barnes' voice in the darkness.

“Am I.....are you really here?” I'm so confused right now.

“Shhhh, it's okay sweetheart. I couldn't let my girl go that long without something nice. I've missed how wet you get for me, how soft your pussy is, eager, tight. Do you want me to stop?”

I'm still not entirely sure whether I'm asleep or not still but that full body ache, that need to cum is so desperate right now. It's been two days and I'm moving against the fingers like I've been starved of it for weeks.

“No. I want to cum,” I pant. “Make me cum, Bucky.”

If this was just my subconscious brain, I wanted to be the boss in my own x-rated thoughts.

“Aren't you all demanding?” he laughs softly. “But I can't say no to that.”

His fingers pick up the pace and he slips two into me. I can hear the obscenely wet sounds as he pumps them in and out.

“Come on, Baby. Cum on my hand. I love watching you do that,” he purrs and I can't see his expression in the darkness but I imagine it's smug.

I feel that build take over until my body contracts, lifting off the bed slightly with the force of it before that prickling sheen of sweat starts and I know for certain I'm definitely awake.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, once my voice gets back to normal and the fog of lust clears.

“I missed you, I said.”

“But you're supposed to be on vacation?”

“You don't want me around?” his tone is a little hurt. “You'd rather go with the warden?”

“I'm not going with the warden.”

“Tomek saw you in his office and he had his shirt off.”

“I was cleaning the cut on his arm. I nearly got stabbed, Bucky. I nearly got strangled to death for a riot that _you_ apparently caused. Steve defended me and got me outta there.”

“What?” Bucky's voice drops into that dangerous quiver. “You got attacked? That wasn't meant to happen. It was supposed to be Nadja manhandling you, not trying to kill you and then the Duma's would've pulled you out. What the fuck do you mean Steve had to save you?”

“I meant what I said. He rescued me so I took care of his wound as a thank you.”

“And this is why I shouldn't have idiots doing my jobs for me,” he growls. “I'm so sorry, Baby. I didn't mean for you to go through that, not after Danny. I tried to engineer it so you'd be safe but you'd still get this nice place. You deserve nice things.”

“You didn't just get me in here because it's cut off and has no camera coverage?” I press, not letting him get away with it. “Because you can sneak in here?”

“That's just a bonus,” I can hear the smile. “I'm not as calculating as you think I am.”

“I think you're very calculating. I think you said all that deep and personal stuff so I'd overlook some of the bad things you're doing.”

“What? How can you say that?! I've never told anyone that shit before. Baby, you have to believe me, I'd never make up something like that.”

“I don't trust anyone any more,” I whisper.

I can see his silhouette move off the bed and then a lamp flips on. Remember I said I still get stabs of pity for Bucky? I did the second the light hit his face.

He looked fucking terrible.

The bags under his eyes were deep and when he knelt down next to the bed, I finally saw what Trucker had told me during those first few days as well. The white hairs that were breaking through on his temples, the physical evidence of his shell shock.

“It's true,” I say without thinking, brushing his hair back over his ear so I can see it better. “The Winter Soldier.”

The reaction is immediate.

I'm dragged out of the bed and pinned to the floor by my throat. I barely have time to kick at him before he's screaming in my face, his eyes completely glazed.

“DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!”

“I'm sorry!” I gasp out around his fingers that are bruising my neck. “I'm sorry! Bucky please!”

“Do you even understand what I've been through?! What I've seen?!” he continues, oblivious to the damage he's causing. “You think _you'd_ be fucking okay after that? DO YOU?!”

“Buck....” I'm weakly scrabbling at his arms and he rears back suddenly, letting go.

“Oh my god. Oh my god,” he scurries to the other side of the room away from me. “Oh my god, I didn't mean....I didn't mean....”

I just draw grateful lungfuls of air in, shuddering on the cold ground as I hear something I didn't expect.

Bucky was crying.

Bucky was fully sobbing against the wall, curled up with his knees to his chest and his hands over his head. It wasn't a cry for attention, I'm too used to Danny pulling the waterworks when he wouldn't get his way so I knew this was real regret and real shame.

As much as I wanted to hate him for scaring the fucking shit outta me, I'd caused it. It was _my_ slip up and the blame was entirely on me. I knew not to call him that name. I knew he had PTSD issues.

This was my fault because I didn't say it in my goddamn head instead of out loud.

I crawl over to him, trying to unstick his limbs but he curls even tighter, shaking violently. I just settle behind him, arms wrapped tightly around his trembling body and just patiently waited for him to start calming down. Gradually he regained control.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispers. “I didn't even realise what I was doing. I hurt you and I promised I wouldn't. I'm a fucking monster.”

“ _I'm_ sorry,” I squeeze him to me. “I should've known better than to say that. I just saw the hair and....I'm sorry Bucky.”

He turns over in my arms and I let him, “You don't need to be sorry. It's a part of my past and I need to accept that. But god, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please believe me.”

His eyes sparkle that sapphire blue even more when he's been crying.

“I believe you.”

His fingers trace the forming bruises on my neck and I don't flinch, if I flinch I could make him feel worse. I don't want him to feel worse.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything,” another tear escapes, curving along his cheekbone as he lies there with me. “You have every right to want Steve. I've proved nothing but that I'm that same asshole you met on your first day. I'm cruel, I'm sadistic, I'm manipulative and jealous. I have nothing to offer you but the promise of getting back to the man I used to be and how I feel about you.”

“Who did you used to be?”

He pulls his phone out of his pants and swipes until he finds a video, showing me it.

It's Bucky but he's much younger. He still has a beard but his hair is cropped. Even from the first few seconds I can tell he's happier here. He's with a man and that man's kids, playing in a playpark, laughing and joking, tying a lurid pink apron on to dish out sandwiches much to the delight of the little girl. Uncle Bucky, they call him.

“That's Sam,” Barnes tells me, pointing at the man. “My best friend. We both went out on the overseas tour. He's the only one who kept me from losing my damn mind after I lost my arm and after Natasha.”

“Do you still talk to him?”

“Not for a little while,” I can hear the longing.

“Bucky, go visit him on your vacation time. You look so happy here.”

“I miss him. His kids are adorable. Always makes me want some of my own whenever I go. I tried to bring that up with Natasha once but she said she was too young and didn't want to spoil her figure. Then it just became clear she never wanted them at all.”

How did Barnes have this way of wrenching my heart out, of making me want to kiss him and tell him it'll be okay. I was ready to hate him, ready to wash my hands of him but again, I was pulled into his horrific life story and I could see why he did the things he did. I made excuses for him in my head.

“Do you love me, Bucky?” I ask. “Is that why you're trying to hold on so tightly?”

“Yes,” he answers honestly, sad eyes meeting mine. “And I know it's wrong, I know what I'm doing is wrong when I do it. It's like I just can't stop. You're in every thought of my day. I should just....I should quit this job before I ruin my life.”

“You told me you used to like working here, that you wanted to look after us girls.”

“I'm too compromised. Look at me, I'm sneaking back into work once the warden's gone just to see you.”

Another tear trails across his skin and I softly wipe it away.

I know at this point I am truly split in two. Part of me desperately wants the hope and the light of being around Steve but I'm still drawn to the darkness and the rawness of Bucky.

It would be easy to revile him if he was purely like Danny but these moments where he showed me his vulnerable side, where he opened up, it was hard to pin such a horrid title to him.

“I'm not what you need. I'm not what you deserve,” Bucky says quietly.

“You really are winter,” I muse. “A cold exterior, a frost that bites and burns but somewhere in there is a warm fire in a cosy home.”

“You should've been a poet,” his mouth twitches up in a smile. “That's beautiful, doll. That's exactly what I am. Does that make Steve summer?”

“No. The you in that video is summer. You look nice with short hair but I think I prefer it long.”

“Then I'll keep it long.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“If you love me, don't keep tabs on me. Don't send people to follow me. That's not love that's controlling. I've had enough of that for one lifetime.”

“Done,” he says quickly.

“Stop undermining Steve too because you're undermining everything I've worked for as well on this project. This all goes towards my appeal.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't think,” he lowers his gaze.

“And stop shutting down on me. You really want this to work, you want me to give you a serious chance on the outside, work on yourself, talk more. I don't want just a fuck in a library, not after what you said the last time. I actually thought you were talking bullshit because you closed up on me again straight after and got rough.”

“Baby, you're right. I'll go home and I'll make an appointment with the therapist right away. This was a bad idea to come today.”

He gets up, cleaning his face with the back of his sleeve before helping me to my feet. I look up into that swirling maelstrom of blue before I lean up and kiss him.

Yes, I know. I shouldn't have done it. This was messy enough. I just...I was so twisted up in my own mind that I didn't know what I wanted in that moment.

When his kiss deepens, I'm still not pushing him away and when he strips us both out of our clothes, I'm _still_ not pushing him away and when he's laying me down on the bed and softly, gently making love to me for the first time ever....

I think I'm going to lose my mind in this prison if I don't get out soon.


	14. Running on Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky makes some tough decisions and you prepare for the governor's visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: PTSD, Mental Health triggers.  
> Big warning: I'M SO SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER!
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- NB xx

I was woken up before the lights went back on by an alarm that rang out and I jolted, searching for the noise which turned out to be Bucky's phone.

He was still in the bed with me, arm wrapped around my waist and chest flush to my back. I'd slept the night next to him. I wasn't sure how I felt about that entirely but apparently I was comfortable enough to fall asleep next to him in the first place.

Bucky groans heavily in protest before fishing the cell out and muting it and it's the briefest flash of domesticity, like he was just a regular guy getting up for work. I wondered what that would be like if we hadn't met the way we did but there was too much history now to romanticise the what ifs. This could never be normal.

“Morning, sweetheart,” he kisses me on the cheek before getting up to redress. “I'd best go before everyone gets in. I....thank you. Thank you for making me realise how bad I've gotten. I'm gonna make the appointment today and go see Sam later.”

“I'm sorry for triggering bad memories,” I murmur, still feeling slightly ashamed of the reaction I'd caused.

“Don't you ever apologise for that, Baby,” he kneels down next to the bed, stroking my hair. “It wasn't your fault. You didn't know that would happen and you didn't mean to say it intentionally, right? Listen...I did some thinking whilst you were asleep. I'm gonna take _two_ weeks off, really have some 'me' time. I won't contact you or visit you to give you some space. I've also been thinking, you're always gonna wonder about Steve so if you wanna get close to him, wanna...do anything with him then....do it.”

“Bucky, I-”

“-No,” he holds up a hand. “Doll, don't make me doubt my decision here. I want to get better and I should want to get better for _me_. If you decide you don't want me in that time then that's okay and I need to accept that.”

“That's very....mature of you,” I blink. “Is this real, Bucky? Are you really going to get help?”

“Yeah, it's real,” he gives me a genuine smile. “I've had some bad thoughts....very bad thoughts lately and I've done some evil things so I need to stop myself before I fall over the edge.”

“Bad thoughts?”

“You don't need to worry about that.”

“About Steve?” I guess.

It's painfully obvious to me that he's thought about disposing of Steve like he did Danny but I appreciated that he recognised his mental health was failing.

“Yeah. I'm not proud of it,” he looks down. “But I mean what I say. I'll focus on me and if you wanna see me after two weeks then great but I'll be quitting my job here soon. I've got enough savings again to go into something different. I don't know, maybe I'll sell fruit on a market, who cares? I just need to get out of this place, I've tainted it.”

“If you make it through two weeks and start to improve yourself, I'll be proud of you,” I encourage him.

His shy grin is dazzling and it's so easy to forget what he's done sometimes but I hold on to it, I cling onto all the times he's ever hurt me and abused me because if I don't, I know I'll slip under the ocean that is Bucky's obsessive love and I don't know if I'd have the strength to surface again.

“Now that's a goal to work towards, doll. I'll see you soon, Baby. Good luck with the project and the appeal,” he kisses my forehead.

I'm a sucker but I lean up and give him a goodbye kiss which he accepts like he's touch starved before breaking away and exiting the cell, leaving me to stew in my whirl of emotions.

Bucky was going to get help, he was going to reconnect with his social circle, he'd told me I could be with Steve if I wanted....

Two weeks was either going to fly by or drag and if it dragged whilst Bucky wasn't around, I think I had my answer as to where my feelings were leaning.

**

“Ain'tcha ever tied a tie before?!” Preacher bats my hand away as I make a mess of the knot again.

“I've never needed to!” I scowl, feeling out of place in the suit I was given to wear for the governor's visit.

“You're shitter than my husband at doin' this,” she starts yanking things into place. “And he's dead, God rest him.”

“I don't see why I need to wear this thing anyway. Surely if I'm in the jumpsuit it sells the image more.”

“Just do what the warden says, Baby. He knows what's best, unlike Barnes that is,” she fixes me with such a scrutinising glare. “Oh yeah, Diane heard you going at it all night. She had a few choice words in the shower this mornin'. She may think you should carry on with him but I don't. The warden is a nice boy, honey and nice boys are rare in this day and age. I ain't ever seen Rogers treat anyone disrespectfully.”

“So Trucker told you about that too, huh?”

“That the warden keeps making longing glances atcha? Oh yeah. Baby, we're old, we gossip 'bout everythin'.”

Her hands are locking up a little as she does the knot of the tie perfectly and I feel bad knowing her health problems that I'm forcing her to do such fiddly work because I'm terrible at it. She doesn't give a word of protest though.

“There,” she pats the finished product. “Now si'down and tell me why the fuck Diane told me Barnes was shoutin' at you before the sex noises?”

“I accidentally called him Winter after seeing white hairs,” I cringe at the memory.

“I'll never know how you can be so smart and so fuckin' dumb at the same time,” she rolls her eyes. “Tell me y'aint gonna get with him after your appeal goes through? Tell me you're gonna start a nice life with Rogers and give the poor man the babies he's always wanted.”

“Preacher!” I gasp.

“It ain't difficult to tell he's cravin' the family way,” she laughs, undercut by a fit of coughing. “I don't like Barnes for you, Baby. He's mean, he's violent and cruel and I don't trust he'll treat ya right.”

And he's a murderer but if I told Preacher that she'd never believe what I'm going to say next.

“He told me he's taking time off for therapy. He wants to get better so he can be in with a chance.”

“Men'll say anything if it opens your legs,” she swots me with a magazine. “This ain't a movie. Barnes will have real problems and they ain't gonna be fixed in two weeks. A life with him is a life of looking over your shoulder to see if he relapses. Promise me you'll think it through?”

“I promise,” I nod.

“Good, now Diane wants to get your opinion on her embroidery so get out. I got a bunch of Reeses that are calling to me,” she shoves me out of her room gently but I know she just doesn't want me seeing her taking her medication.

“That's a good look for you,” Trucker looks me up and down.

“Sorry about the live show. I didn't realise you could hear,” I sit down awkwardly next to her on the craft table where Tiffany is making a sweater with pink glittery wool and Marisol is sketching some landscapes.

“Most action I've heard in a while,” she snorts and I'm still amazed how such big ungainly hands do such delicate needlework as she passes it through the fabric. “Preacher give you a talk about staying away?”

“She told me to go be with the warden.”

“Like I said before, it's the expected and acceptable thing to do,” she shrugs. “You know my opinion.”

“I mean, you heard everything we said, right? Has that opinion changed?”

“Baby, I don't date men, I don't like _fucking_ men but I seen enough friends burn through 'em so I will say that you need to fuck them both. You obviously like fucking Barnes so if the warden doesn't measure up, you'll keep wanting Barnes. I know girls like you, you get fuckin' bored with nice lives if the dick isn't good enough.”

“Trucker, I am really gonna miss your brutal honesty when I get out,” I laugh, watching Erika dissolve into hysterics at Trucker's words.

“Just make the most of it and live a little for me,” she gives a lopsided grin, emphasising the scar on her lip.

“-And here is the newest addition to the prison. A state of the art ward for those on good behaviour and the long stayers. With funding, we hope to expand this. As you can see, our girls are already making use of their talents and the creativity shown is bringing morale up exponentially. Carmela over here is studying for an engineering qualification as a result of her work in the prison and her talent for drawing up blueprints which we only discovered once she was moved here.”

It's Steve giving his big pitch and I'm so happy that he sounds so professional and so business minded. He's taken on board my suggestions of the personal touch along with statistics.

“Let me introduce you to the inmate who's helped helm this project,” he walks over to me and I stand up to meet the governor, shaking her hand with a smile.

“Pleasure to meet you,” I say.

I can see she's impressed and when her eyes fall on big, burly Trucker with her sewing, there's the tiniest nod of approval. We're winning her over.

“Come this way and we'll discuss our full proposal,” Steve gestures to the direction of his office.

**

“WE DID IT!” Steve whoops after she leaves, jumping around the room and punching the air. “Oh my god, I can't believe it! Nobody gets Jackie Delacey to increase funding, _nobody_!”

“But we did!” I do a little excited run on the spot.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've done. You have no idea how much this is going to help improve everyone's lives here.”

“You mean no more cardboard pizza?”

“No more cardboard pizza,” he grins. “I'm in shock, honestly.”

“You deserve a win. Sounds like it's been a rough year.”

“It really has,” he brushes his hair back with his fingers. “So now this project is over, you have your appeal coming up next week. Barnes has just put in for two weeks vacation so you don't need to worry about that. I'll keep him in line until you can get your decision and then I'll be dealing with him in a formal way.”

“Formal?” my mouth goes a bit dry.

“Demotion, action plans, monitoring. If you tell me what he did I can look at firing him.”

Oh shit. I didn't want Bucky to be fired before he quit. As much as he was a terrible prison guard, I didn't want the knockback of no reference from Steve for a future job to affect the work he was putting in. He hadn't lied about taking two weeks off so I had no reason to assume he'd lie about seeking help.

“It was just inappropriate comments and singling me out. He didn't touch me, Steve,” I lied.

“But he would if I wasn't here,” Steve becomes a little sterner. “Alright, I can't get him on anything official but I can make sure he never does that again. You _are_ telling me the truth, right?”

“I have no reason to lie when I'm just about to get out.”

“True enough. Alright, let's go back to Florida wing, you must be tired after today.”

“So the name Florida is catching on, huh?”

“I like it,” the stern expression becomes softer again. “I might name the other wings after states too.”

He puts his hand between my shoulder blades to steer me out and it lingers as we get out into the corridor. Bucky's words come back to me that I could choose to be with Steve if I wanted to but I'd just found myself lying to cover Barnes and I wasn't sure what I actually wanted any more.

“I'll be with you during the appeal, don't worry,” Steve smiles. “And I'll be there to walk you out of the door as well.”

“Thank you, Steve, for everything.”

“No, thank _you._ As awful as the circumstances were of you coming here, you've made a difference and I'll always be grateful, a difference in many ways.”

I can see the longing in his face as we reach the door of Florida but he walls it off before taking a step back and turning to go to his office. Preacher's right, he's a 'nice boy', a man who controls his emotions well and he's unerringly kind.

I had a lot of decisions to make this week.

**

All Bucky could think about was that he'd nearly killed you.

That singular horrifying act was enough to shake him to his core, to make him realise he was in a very bad way. Justifying murder? Thinking about further murder? That wasn't who he used to be and when had he got some comfortable with these dark fantasies?

He used to be that old fashioned epitome of a gentleman, signing up to the army an extension of that sense of duty and yet he'd turned into this creature that preys on vulnerable women.

Bucky barely made it to the toilet before hacking his guts out, a wave of disgust at his own actions, a revulsion that he felt deep in his soul. He dialled his therapist immediately.

Two hours later he was sat in their office, shaking uncontrollably as he recounted the wrongs he'd done to you but as far as the therapist was concerned, he worked in an office, not a prison.

“-And I kept hurting her after nearly a week of isolating her. I hurt her so badly and she started crying in my arms and I gave her comfort like I wasn't the one who'd just caused her pain. What the hell is wrong with me?”

The therapist adjusts themselves on the seat, “It's all about control, James. Hurting her gives you a sense of control, a person you can express your anger on that won't fight back. How did she react when she saw your arm?”

“She said she didn't care but I didn't believe her.”

“And was that evidenced or did you just expect her to react badly?”

“I...uh...no she didn't give any evidence she found me horrible to look at.”

“I'm sure you realise you've been projecting on this girl, not only your anger but your insecurities too. You did a very good thing taking a step back and acknowledging you have a problem.”

“Can you help me?” tears start clouding Bucky's vision. “I can't stop these thoughts and they just get louder. Any man that goes near her I wanna kill and I know I _could_ kill them, that I could get away with it.”

“James, that's insecurity again. Remove your own feelings from this equation, imagine this from her point of view. What has _she_ said and what has _she_ done that made you feel insecure?”

“Uh....” he racks his brains. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She accepted my body, I think she still tries to see the good in me even when I'm cruel to her. She doesn't deserve this.”

“When will you next come into contact with her?”

“In two weeks.”

“And you wish to still have a relationship?”

“If she wants me.”

“That's a good start,” the therapist smiles kindly. “These things are not in our control and we shouldn't try to steer them that way. I'll see you everyday for these two weeks and if I think you're ready, maybe you can bring her here and we'll work on your relationship as a unit.”

“Thank you,” Bucky's spirits lift a little. “I'll do anything to get better.”

And after he walked out of his session, he already felt a little lighter. The urge to sneak into the prison again was dulled somewhat and he walked to Sam's house which was not far.

When he knocked and the door flew open, he took a moment to realise nobody was on his eye level until he looked down and saw little Jody who took a second to recognise him before bursting into squeals of delight and flinging herself into his arms.

“UNCLE BUCKY!”

There was a crash from the living room and Sam appeared, looking shocked.

“Buck, what the hell, I've not seen you in months!” Sam punches him in the prosthetic arm. “And you show up on my doorstep and immediately I'm not the favourite man in the house any more?!”

Bucky laughed hard, the smile reaching into his eyes as he picked up Jody, who was just verging on the point of being too big to pick up before coming inside.

“You're never the favourite man while I'm around,” he teases, setting Jody on the couch whilst he gives Sam a hug. “I'm sorry, man. I know it's been a while.”

“Everything okay?” Sam asks quietly.

“No but that's not a discussion for around your kids,” Bucky spots little Jim in the corner, happily playing with a race car set, making them loop the loop.

“Daddy and Uncle Buck need some grown up time. Your mom's in the back yard if you need anything,” Sam announces and Jody gives a pout that she can't spend more time with Bucky.

That sets off the pang of broodiness again but he buries it deep down. It's not far enough down not to imagine what kids with you might be like. Would they take more after you or him? Would they have your same capacity to care for such an awful creature like himself? Would they find it horrifying or amusing that Daddy could take off his arm?

“Hey, what's up Tin Man?” Sam brings him back to reality as they get in his bedroom and the door is closed.

Sam is the only person to get away with calling him names like that but only because Bucky gives as good as he gets.

“A whole lot Bird Brain. I've had some really bad relapses lately so I stayed away. I think I'm starting to come out the other side of it. I just wanna say I'm sorry for going dark.”

“It's okay, man. I know what you go through,” Sam squeezes his shoulder. “You're still my best friend, I just wish you'd let me help sometimes.”

“I've done some really bad things, Sam,” Bucky whispers, his voice cracking. “I hurt somebody I love and more than once, physically.”

“You got a girlfriend I don't know about?” Sam gives him a reproachful eyebrow. “Someone is willing to put up with your blasted ass and you hurt them?”

“I know,” Bucky buries his face in his hands. “She's smart, she's got such a sharp tongue, she's so accepting of what I am and she's beautiful and I'm fucking it up.”

“You're back in therapy right? Well just keep at it, Buck. If it's right then the universe will make it work. Don't force anything because you're desperate to have a family, okay? Promise me that.”

“I promise.”

“Come on now, Jody will kick my ass if you don't play knights and cowboys with her. She's driving me up the wall with it,” Sam rolls his eyes.

“Sounds like fun,” Bucky laughs and he means it.

He didn't realise how much he missed his friend until now. Already in Sam's presence he was calmer, more focused. He felt more like the person he used to be before the darkness took over.

He didn't even pine for you once the entire time he spent at the Wilson household and that seemed like good progress to make.

**

“I've got my fingers crossed, darlin',” Preacher pats me on the back, straightening my suit for the second time. “I'll be so happy if you get out but Lord I'm gonna miss you if you do.”

“I'm gonna miss you too,” I hug her. “You're like my second Momma.”

“Shut the fuck up before I cry,” she sniffles. “You're gonna get out, Baby. You're gonna have a second life and I'll be cheerin' ya on from in here.”

“Thank you for everything, even if I don't get out tomorrow, thank you for looking after me so far.”

“Best thing Barnes ever did was put ya with me,” she nods. “Keep what I said in mind, Baby. The warden is a good prospect even on the outside.”

“I'm really nervous, Preacher,” I start shaking my hands and pacing. “Out the week before Christmas with no job?”

She leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek, the most affection she's ever displayed with me, “You'll be just fine, honey. You're my babygirl and you'll succeed in whatever you wanna do. I seen how much good ya done here. You'll be okay....oh....oh honey, don't cry.”

This woman and the others was all I'd known for six months and as much as I wanted freedom, I was devastated to be leaving them. Not one fucking friend in my old life had visited me here but these ladies had been here for me through thick and thin.

“Sorry, I'm just emotional right now,” I wipe my face clear.

“You upsetting her, Preacher?” Arlene appears at the door. “She don't need to be crying before she hits the stand.”

“Fuck off Arlene,” Preacher hisses, bundling me into her body to hug me close. “And I mean that in a loving way.”

Loving seemed to be the word of the day because all my Florida wing mates came to see me off. Tiffany presented me with a woven bracelet that everyone had made one strand of.

“It's our way of saying thank you for getting us here,” she smiles that pageant smile.

Marisol and Carmela leap on me, giving me bone crushing hugs before everyone dog piles in and I'm drowning under a sea of sisterhood that Trucker has to pull me out of before I get buried.

“Come here, Baby,” she crushes me to her before planting a big scratchy kiss on my lips that dazes me completely. “Gonna miss you, you dumb cunt. Have some wild escapades out there and if men give you shit, kill them.”

“TRUCKER!” Erika gapes in amusement.

“I mean she's right,” Marisol laughs. “Men aren't worth it sometimes.”

“You guys know I'll be back after the appeal right? It's like you're saying goodbye already,” I smile.

“We're just wishing you luck,” Arlene gives a rare unrestrained grin.

Steve comes in and escorts me to the bus which starts trundling towards the courthouse. I'm shackled and I hate it but I know it's not for long. I keep making the links clink with my nervous foot bouncing.

“It'll be fine,” Steve hesitates, his hand hovering over my thigh as if he wants to stop my movement but doesn't want to be improper.

“I hope so.”

I'm not really expecting Bucky's promise of a lawyer to materialise but here he was, waiting for me with a firm handshake. A little bit more hope flared in my chest at the chance for freedom.

As I walked to the bench, I saw my dad in the crowd, my mother not deciding to show up and I wondered why the fuck he was here when he was so ready to abandon me. I shoved that anger aside, concentrating on the task at hand.

Turns out I didn't need to worry at all about my appeal getting denied because that little room Danny nearly choked me out in had CCTV and it had picked up his confession about hiding drugs. The bastard had done me a favour at least.

I chanced a glance at my dad who looked horrified at the violence on the screen before flashing me such a guilty look which I promptly turned away from. Instead I looked to Steve who was avoiding the screen, his knuckles whitening on the seat in front.

After that my conviction was turned over with a viewing to scrubbing my criminal record clean.

I was free.

I was finally free.

My dad tried to talk to me as I left the building but I just shot him a withering look before leaving with Steve, linking my arm through his. Fuck any parent who can think the worst of you. I didn't need him. I would be fine on my own.

“Congratulations,” Steve beams at me on the bus and I'm not shackled any more. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you, Steve, for being there.”

“Always. You'll have to spend one more night here but it'll give you time to say goodbye to the girls. I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you want a proper send off.”

I couldn't wait to tell them the result.

**  
  


I got back to a banner with 'Congratulations' on it and a horde of screaming women.

“Janey got the word from the warden when you were on the way back,” Arlene hugs me, her bony arms poking me in the sides a little. “I'm so thrilled for you!”

Trucker pats me on the shoulder and I swear a lose an inch of height from how forceful it was.

“We knew you'd get out, Baby,” she grins.

My next few moments were spent in a whirl of embraces, excited dances and kisses from all sides. It took me a moment to realise Preacher wasn't in the room.

“She sleeping again?” I ask Trucker.

“She's like a fucking cat. All she does is sleep and eat and ignore people unless she wants attention,” Trucker shakes her head. “Go tell her the good news.”

I go into Preacher's room and she's on the bed with a book next to her. Looks like she'd fallen asleep reading.

“Hey, Preacher, guess what?!” I say excitedly.

She doesn't answer.

I get closer and now I notice the flecks of blood around her mouth and the bloody tissue half tucked under her pillow. My stomach drops to the floor and my heart starts thundering.

“Preacher?” I lean over to shake her and put her on her back.

I touch her face and it's stone cold. She's not breathing.

“PREACHER?!” I'm shaking her violently now. “PRISCILLA!”

She doesn't move. I can feel that rising wave of dread threatening to make me collapse, to make me throw up as I tried to deny what was in front of my own eyes. The tears were already streaming down my cheeks as I screamed as loudly as I could.

“HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP! SHE'S NOT MOVING! HELP ME!”


	15. Burning Down the House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You won the appeal but it doesn't feel like winning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Grief, bad reactions to grief, angst, smut, unsafe roleplay practices, non-con (quite graphic)
> 
> (I'm sorry again, this is a really heavy chapter)
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> \- NB xx

It took both the Duma twins to pull me away from Preacher's body. I wouldn't leave her.

Trucker had to hold me in place as they carried her out because I was beyond hysterical. I kept fighting to get free. I wanted to hold her hand one last time and tell her how much she meant to me, how much she'd looked after me, how much I had a genuine love for her and I couldn't.

The doctor was already in Florida, chiding the twins for taking her out of the cell because they had to put her back for privacy, to not traumatise the rest of us. I just found it incredibly traumatising that Preacher was given such an indignity in death of being carted about by these two fuckwits who didn't have a clue what they were doing.

“PUT HER BACK!” I scream and they flinch at the venom in my voice. “Let the doctor do her job!”

“She's dead anyway, this is just a formality,” Tomek frowns at me.

“WOAH!” Trucker almost crushes my ribcage as I try to spring at him.

I want to tear his fucking eyes for being so awful. At least the both of them look afraid at my sudden outburst.

“Warden, we have a problem in Florida. It's Baby. She's going fucking nuts,” Marcin says over the radio.

I don't hear the rest of the conversation because I'm still growling like a wildcat trying to break Trucker's grip but eventually Marcin says, “See you soon, boss.”

Guess Steve was coming here.

I collapse in a heap once the twins and the doctor are back in Preacher's cell, just sobbing. It felt like everything had been ripped from under me the second something had gone right. In six months I'd lost my job, my family, my boyfriend and now my second mom. Shortly I would be losing all the support of the girls I'd come to think of as friends in here and I'd be tossed out into unemployment and loneliness.

I couldn't take it any more. I was even thinking of committing another crime just so I wouldn't have to leave. The existential dread of loss mixed with the unknown made me limp as a noodle in Trucker's grip and she just looked to Arlene who was crumpled in her own corner, her Crayola eyeliner running down her face with her tears and then to Marisol and Carmela who were comforting each other, to Erika and Tiffany who sat on chairs looking dejected and to Iris who was in the corner praying.

Steve came about five minutes later, obviously having run down the corridor to spot me being supported like a unruly cat by Trucker looking completely distressed.

“Warden,” Trucker addresses him directly. “You need to take care a' her. She needs medical or therapy or some shit because look at her. Priscilla passin' done hit her hard n' I'm no good at comfortin' folk. I'll keep her from killing your fuckhead twins but if Baby sees any more disrespect to Priscilla, she gonna lose it son.”

Steve briefly pokes his head in Preacher's cell and his face becomes stony before he comes over to us, pries me out of Trucker's hands and walks with me to the entrance, my legs wobbling all over the place.

“Get Priscilla out,” he yells over his shoulder. “Everyone go to your cells for half an hour.”

I don't even realise I'm in Steve's office until he's placing me to sit on the desk. He looks intensely worried.

“I'm sorry,” he locks the door before holding me tightly and I just sob into his shirt. “I'm sorry, I know she was good to you. She was good to a lot of people in here. I liked Priscilla.”

“I can't believe she's gone,” my voice comes out like a whine. “I was going to tell her the good news. I was going to send her things to keep her comfortable once I was out. It's not fair, Steve. IT'S NOT FAIR!”

I bellow the last words out like a stroppy child but he doesn't flinch. If anything he holds me tighter, stroking the back of my head.

“I know it's not. I know. Shhh, it's okay. I've got you.”

It takes me a long while to calm down but Steve never stops comforting me. I still have this restless energy and a self destructive urge. I want to hurt, I want to _be_ hurt, I want a different kind of pain than this.

“Let me make you some cocoa,” Steve says kindly, going to move away but I stand up and he looks at me strangely. “Are you okay?”

“Steve,” it comes out as more of a plea.

I want to feel something, _anything_ that wasn't grief. I knew this was bad before I did it when I reached up and kissed him.

He stood stock still, just looking at me but didn't stop me, “You know I can't.”

“Who says?” I press myself closer to him, the old seductive techniques creeping back into my voice as I wiped my face clear. “I'm not an inmate any more.”

“This isn't ethical and you're upset,” he still doesn't move.

I kiss him again and he makes no response other than to tense up where I can tell he's warring with himself. I'm being masochistic, I want to push him to the limit, I want him to tell me no and that I'm being overly emotional, I want him to maintain that barrier because it means he's a good man like Preacher said.

He doesn't though. His resolve crumbles when I break the kiss apart and his hands are on me, moving up my back. He bends down and plants his lips to mine, deepening it, chasing the sexual tension that's been brewing for weeks as it finally explodes.

“I shouldn't be doing this,” he murmurs in between kisses. “But god I want you so badly.”

I say nothing, unsure whether I was disappointed that he's reciprocating or just eager to get lost in someone for a while. I end up taking my shirt off to hurry it along because I was burning with a need for close contact.

“You really want this?” he asks, taking his own shirt off. “Now?”

I nod mutely, pushing my pants down until I was only in the issue underwear. He responds in kind and I can see he's packing just as much as Barnes is.

Barnes....

Shit, now was not the time to be thinking of someone else....but I knew if this was Barnes in front of me, I could let him hurt me, ruin me and put me back together afterwards. Steve I wasn't so sure about. He was hesitant and it was killing my last shred of confidence.

“Now,” I encourage him, practically diving upon him.

Whatever was holding Steve back is gone because he picks me up and whirls me straight into the wall, keeping my back pressed tightly there whilst we kiss some more before he does some impressive acrobatics to lift me up further and put my legs over his shoulders, balanced between the wall and him. He rips my underwear away, burying his face between my legs and I let out a loud moan that echoes around the room.

He was good, very good, as good as Barnes was and he was eager, that much was obvious. He didn't do any dirty talk like Bucky would but concentrated solely on flicking his tongue against me, driving me to the edge where I toppled over it with a stilted cry, arching as much as I could.

“I love that noise,” he groans.

Once I had recovered enough, he gently lowered me, taking me to the desk where he pushed everything off it and it hit the floor just as a crash of thunder clapped outside. Rain bounced against the windows as he lay me flat along it and climbed on top of me, kissing me hard before getting rid of his boxers.

“Sure you want this?” he asks.

“Steve!” I whine desperately, nearly on the verge of tears.

I just want him to take control. I don't want to have to think of anything. I just want him to take what he wants from me before I breakdown again.

He's too gentle, too patient as he slides his cock into me and I can't bear it. I end up moving my hips so he fully seats himself which he takes for passion. He wants to make love to me and I don't want that and I don't need that.

“Hey hey,” he stops after I'm trying to meet his thrusts so he goes harder and deeper. “You don't really want this, do you? Please don't lie to save my ego.”

“I do, I just...I can't do slow and I can't do kind. Not now,” I'm almost crying again.

“You....you want me to be rough with you? Hurt you?” he looks mortified.

“Yes, please Steve,” I take his hand and place it around my neck but he jerks it back just as quickly.

“I'm...I'm sorry I can't do that,” he withdraws from me. “It's not who I am. Look, I'm sorry. Maybe I should take you to Medical after all. This was a mistake.”

The sting of being rejected by him only salted the open wound I had and I pushed him away from me, hurriedly redressing and trying to save my dignity. It was so rapid that I put my shirt on backwards but I didn't care.

“I'm going back to Florida. I'm spending one last night with my friends,” I say firmly.

“You don't have to-”

“-like you said, this was a mistake,” I look him squarely in the eyes and I can see his crushed expression. “I can find my own way back.”

I left before he could say anything. I was desperate to get away.

I just walked back to Florida and Janey let me in to where I saw all the girls huddled in a mass on the floor. I joined them wearily and they accepted me in with open arms.

They gave me more comfort that night than Steve ever could've and I wished I'd never gone into his office. All it had done is prove the point that Trucker had said weeks ago.

Steve didn't want me for me, he wanted a damsel in distress he could save, that he could love as this fragile thing.

I'm not a damsel. I'm a fucked up, flawed person and I'm not good enough for Steve. He needed someone infinitely nicer than I was, he needed a girl like Tiffany really. I was always going to be too spirited.

Trucker comes into my room as I'm getting into my nightwear but I'm used to her seeing me buck ass naked now.

“You fucked him, huh?” she folds her arms.

“Barely,” I sigh, pulling fresh underwear on. “He started off so good and then went to treat me like glass. Kept questioning if I wanted it the entire time. It didn't go well. I asked him to get rough and he refused so I high tailed it out before I could start crying.”

“So that's why you looked so pissed off when you came back,” she purses her thin lips. “Told'ya Baby, he's the apple pie dream. You got a darkness in ya, same as Barnes. I saw it today when ya wanted to murder the Duma's. A man like Steve Rogers ain't ever gonna satisfy ya. I kept tellin' Priscilla that.”

“I tried,” I start crying again, sinking down onto the bed. “I tried to like it for her sake but I couldn't.”

“Baby, you stupid motherfuckin' cunt,” she says affectionately before sitting next to me. “She wouldn't want ya doin' something ya hated just because she thought it was the right thing. She wanted ya to be with Rogers but she would never fuckin' dare to tell ya you had to. She loved you n' she just wanted what's best for ya.”

“I miss her. I miss her already and it's only been a few hours,” the tears won't stop. “I'd give anything for her to hit me with that stupid bible again and tell me I'm being an ass.”

Trucker lies down on my bed and pats the space next to her. I lean into her as she wraps an arm around me.

“I ain't good at this shit n' if ya tell anyone I did this, I'll rip your pussy out through your throat,” she growls in a friendly way. “But I'm not going anywhere tonight. I'll stay with you. Just fall asleep, darlin'. I'm here.”

I don't think Trucker had ever used such a nice endearment for me and I could tell she was as cut up as I was inside but she didn't want to show it. I just lay there cuddled up with her until the tears finally stopped and I was able to drift off through sheer exhaustion.

**

Bucky came back to the prison feeling lighter than ever.

Sam had put him up for an entire week and Bucky'd spent that reconnecting with his friend, playing games with the kids and helping out his wife with odd jobs around the house that Sam'd never gotten to.

Loneliness, that's what was killing his mental health so much. He hadn't realised how lonely he was. This is why he was projecting onto girls, so the therapist said. Loneliness and a sense of a lack of control.

With you, he'd become co-dependant and then lashed out when something threatened that bond. He could see that now. He was walking into the building with his resignation letter in his hand.

He couldn't be in this place any more. It just promoted a bad atmosphere. He'd never really had any friends in there and no wonder his social interaction was stilted.

“Enter,” Steve says as he knocks. “Buck, well, those two weeks flew by.”

Something was off. Steve was angry, he could tell that much. Most of the desk had been hastily rearranged too. He didn't want to ask questions though.

“Yeah they did. Listen, I want to say thank you for the vacation. I really needed it. I got some help and I realised it's this place that's making me worse. I'm handing in my resignation and I hope you'll accept it. I just need to heal and I can't do that here.”

Steve practically snatches the letter out of his hand, almost giving him a paper cut before reading it and throwing it in front of him.

“Alright then, I accept. Your final paycheck will be arranged. You can go.”

“Is...is everything alright?” Bucky asks anxiously.

“Why wouldn't it be?”

“You seem really pissed.”

“Just get out Barnes,” Steve hisses before standing up and striding around the desk. “I know you're quitting to be with her so get out of my sight.”

“Who?” Bucky blinks. “What, _Baby_? Are we on this again?”

“You think I don't know what happened?” Steve gets in his face. “That you twisted that poor girl until she can only respond to cruelty well? That you broke her? You're disgusting.”

Realisation hits, “You and her, huh? You really want to give me a lecture about a code of conduct when you've done the same thing?”

“OUT!” Steve bodily shoves him out of the room. “She just left so I doubt she wants you either if she's not sticking around to see you. You quit for nothing.”

“I didn't quit for her,” Bucky stands his ground. “I quit for me. Keep your fucking reference, Steve. I just wanted to get better.”

He strides out, blocking out the verbal abuse trailing after him. When he gets out of the prison, he spots you in the distance, looking like you're wiping your face free of tears. You're holding yourself like something awful's happened and he starts running over towards you but a cab pulls up next to you and you get in, driving away before he can catch up to you.

What the fuck had happened whilst he'd been away?

**

I woke up and Trucker was gone.

I stumbled out my cell to see the girls waiting for me as we did one last shower and had one last breakfast. The mood was sombre and I couldn't help but dread the ordeal ahead of me. Back to a normal life.

I get one big tearful goodbye and some hugs before I'm taken by Janey to a side room and given some clothes that I knew I'd left at my parent's house the last time I was there. I guessed Dad must've dropped them off out of a sense of guilt.

Dressing in jeans and a polo t-shirt felt strange after months of the cotton uniform here and I had to get used to the heavier material. I kept stretching my legs to conform the denim but I'd get back into the habit in time.

Janey takes me to Steve and I've been dreading seeing him again after the huge mistake last night. How exactly do you part on good terms after crying on a man, gearing up to fuck him and then the whole thing fizzles out? As mad as I was at Steve for both proving Preacher wrong and making me feel humiliated, I was totally at fault too. I'd steered him towards sex and been insulted when he wouldn't do it the way I needed. That was shitty of me and I knew it.

Now I'd slept on it, I couldn't wait to get out of this prison and away from this awkward situation.

Steve is waiting for me, his sleeves rolled up as he's half sat on the desk. His face looks more rigid than I've ever seen it and my anxiousness grew.

“Thanks Janey. I've got it from here,” he dismisses the guard who looks perturbed herself at the change in the warden.

As soon as the door shuts, I launch into an apology, too nervous to let silence hang too long, “Look, Steve, about last night. I'm sorry, I just-”

But my sentence dies as he stalks over to me, boxing me against the door and feel a spike of fear considering he's much fucking broader than I am. What was going on?

“I've never been that embarrassed in my life,” he growls and I have nowhere to run around him. “So I thought about what you asked and I wondered if Barnes was the reason you were so eager to get hurt. While I was thinking, I looked at some websites to solve the fact I was still fucking hard when you left and guess what I stumbled on? If Danny was still alive, I think he'd be on charges right now because there's videos of you out there. I reported them and got them taken down but not before I'd saved them, studied them and I realised you've _always_ liked this kind of thing.”

“I....I was on a porn site?!” I squeak, the momentary outrage overriding my apprehensiveness at Steve's behaviour.

“So I thought some more,” he continues, body pressed against mine. “And fantasies crept into my head of me doing those things to you. At first I was disgusted at myself but it's okay to like that, right? I get it now, so I'm gonna give you what you needed. It's only what you deserve after all because you lied to me, didn't you?”

“No, Steve, I-”

But his lips are on mine and despite me squirming, I can't push him off. I didn't want this, I just wanted to leave. I'm whirled around and my hands are drawn up over my head even as I'm trying to fight back. I can feel his cock through his pants rubbing against my ass and I guess Barnes really did do a number on me because I was getting wet without wanting to. I'd been two weeks without sex after getting it regularly and my body was completely independent of my brain right now.

“Steve! Stop it!” I yell.

“You lied to me, sweetheart,” Steve spanks my ass with his free hand hard and I yelp. “After I saw those videos I went back over all the CCTV footage I could find. I haven't slept all fucking night and I saw you and Barnes. You've fucked him and you've fucked him a lot. Was I just an idiot to start liking you so much? Am I just an easy mark to get privileges from?”

My jeans are unbuttoned and yanked down along with my underwear and before I know it, his hand is around my throat and he's buried himself in me, fucking me from behind. He starts moving with a pace he definitely didn't have last night.

“Fuck, you really do like this, don't you?” he groans against my ear, the lewd wet sounds a testament to how much my body wanted this.

“Steve please stop!” I start crying, choked by his fingers. “I don't want this! I don't want this! Stop!”

I don't expect him to but maybe I'm too used to men like Danny and Bucky but he does. He stops immediately, pulling out and turning me around and there's something of the Steve I've always known returning to his face as it pulls in an expression of pure horror.

“Oh god, you really didn't......oh my god, I'm so sorry, I thought.....fuck!” he rakes his hands through his hair, looking devastated. “I was just making it up. I thought it would be roleplay. I was trying to give you what I couldn't last night. I.....shit! I'm so sorry, I am so so sorry. There's no videos, I was just trying to set a mood and....what the hell have I done?”

A lot of damage is what he'd done. I yank up my clothes, shaking like a leaf. The difference between what Steve did and what Bucky had done was Bucky always gave me a sense that I chose it. Steve just dove straight in with no warning or prep or even consent and it was too real, it was _too real_. I felt sick.

“Please don't hate me,” he whispers, tears brimming in his eyes. “I wanted to be with you after you got out, I was trying to be what you wanted. I watched videos to try and be better for you and....I fucked up. I fucked up so bad.”

“I'd like to go, Steve,” I swallow back the bile in my throat. “I want to go home.”

He just nods, redresses himself and calls for Janey over the radio.

“I didn't mean to....” he keeps starting.

I know he didn't mean to. Didn't change the fact I was trembling in his presence. The awful thing is if he'd done that last night, I might have enjoyed it. Now I just wanted to run, I wanted the safety of my bed and that extra tog cover I had that gets you really warm. I wanted to cry into a pillow that didn't smell of industrial detergent.

“I'm sorry,” Steve repeats. “I really am sorry. I'll stay away from you, I will. This is not something to be forgiven. I really wish you all the best out there.”

“Goodbye Steve,” I give him one final look before leaving with Janey who'd just arrived.

I stood outside the prison, waiting for the cab they rang for, still shocked at what'd happened. I couldn't even appreciate the fact I was outside walls, just in the fresh air and a free woman.

I zoned out once the cab arrived and I went back to my apartment, the action of unlocking my door a foreign one after so many months. It smelled musty and unlived in. It was cold too.

I turned the heating on, I stepped into the shower and spent an hour just scrubbing myself raw with every perfumed thing I still had. I shaved everything I wanted to and I still didn't feel like a normal person.

I gave up, going to my bed with the favourite covers on, although I don't remember them being on so neatly the day I got arrested and burritoed myself into them, just curled up on the pillows as I listened the abject silence of my home before I sobbed harder than I've ever done in my life.

Home, broken and alone.

It was December 19th.


	16. The Boys of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You heal from Steve's actions and try to adjust to civilian life again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Grief, angst, mental health mentions, sexual assault mentions
> 
> (Possible proof reading errors)
> 
> This is the final chapter and the response has been absolutely amazing. I've loved reading all of your comments throughout and I'm so glad you've enjoyed it.  
> Much love to you all
> 
> \- NB xx

December 20th I get a knock at the door early in the morning.

I realise I've slept away most of the day and night and I break out of my prison of blankets and sheets, hotfooting it to the door because I never got many visitors before I was in prison. Peering through the peephole, it seemed to be some suit wearing man I'd never seen before.

Opening the door, he greets me warmly despite, and this is my assumption here, me looking like shit. I'm still in my pyjamas and my hair....well let's just say it wasn't attractive right now.

“I'm Clive Dixon,” he shakes my hand. “I'm an executive attorney, can I come in?”

“Executor?” I ask, puzzled. “For who?”

“Mrs Priscilla Walker,” he smiles kindly. “I believe you knew each other from Bedford Hills.”

Preacher.

This was Preacher's lawyer but what the hell was he doing on _my_ doorstep?

“Come on in,” I gesture to the table. “I don't have any coffee in, I'm afraid. I only just got out yesterday.”

“Understandable and don't worry,” he starts getting papers out of his briefcase. “I'm always caffeined up to high heaven. Now I know you've only just been released but this was one of Mrs Walker's stipulations. I'm the executor of her will and her estate and she's been meeting with me quite regularly in the last few months.”

Had Preacher...had she left me something?

“I don't get it. Why are you here?” I fiddle with my fingers nervously.

He finds the sheaf of paper he's looking for before reading, “I, Priscilla Walker, being of sound mind, request that upon the event of my death that all my finances, possessions and estates be given to you. If my death should proceed the aforementioned's release date, the estate will be ready to be transferred immediately and my legal heir will be made aware as soon as possible.”

“What?” I sit there in shock.

“Simply put, miss,” Clive coughs a little. “She named you as her legal heir and you've just inherited everything from her. I'm supposed to give you a letter so maybe this will explain.”

He passes an envelope to me and I take it with shaking hands before undoing the seal and starting to read,

_12th December -_

_My dearest Baby,_

_I know you won't get why I'm doing this or maybe you think you won't deserve it but everything I have is yours now. You have no idea how much comfort you gave to an old lady in her dying months and I'll never forget how much you endured to help me._

_I have no children of my own. My husband passed before we could conceive and I ended up in Bedford Hills not long after. I came to think of you as my own child during your time here and I would've liked to have raised a daughter like you. Fuck your momma for being a waste of oxygen but bless her for bringing you to me._

_I know I've not got long left and I don't know how good I'll be at hiding that fact but it's been coming for a while. Please don't be sad for me. I went out on my own terms._

_I hope your appeal will get you out by Christmas and if this dumb fuck lawyer does what I've asked him to do, you'll be reading this before the 25 th. My money is all ready to go into your accounts because no child of mine is going to be broke at Christmas. I made sure of it._

_I don't want a funeral and I might already be being cremated as you read this. If you wanna honour my memory, visit Texarkana sometime. I used to have a house by a lake which is yours now. I would swim, I would fish, I would just watch the sun come up from my porch. Go spend some time there if you need to get away from these overbearing men you keep picking up._

_Finally, I just wanted to say, thank you. God bless and may He watch over you always because Lord knows you could use some divine help without me around._

_All my love,_

_Your momma._

_P.S. I never rightly said what I was incarcerated for, did I? High scale fraud and tax evasion was quite the crime in my day._

I didn't think I could cry any more but I did. My heart ached horribly at reading her letter and I missed her more than I could probably ever articulate.

“There's two estates she has to pass on,” Clive watches me put the note down. “One is a house in Longview, Texas, the other is a summer house in Texarkana, Texas. Here is the monetary value of her financial estate for you. If I can get your bank account details, we can transfer it by tomorrow.”

I looked at the number on the official document and I might have screamed because Clive flinched. I couldn't believe what I was looking at.

Preacher was a _millionaire_.

No doubt this was money gained from the crime that got her locked up but she'd managed to hide quite a lot of it it seemed. I'd never seen that many zeros.

“In total it's $2.6 million with the property included. $2.3 million without. Shall we get started on the transfer? Mrs Walker was very insistent this be done by Christmas.”

After the lawyer had left, I sank back onto my bed, still devastated by grief, still wrecked from Steve's bad attempt to please me and feeling guilty I'd been left so much money when I didn't deserve a penny.

I stayed there until my stomach growled and I could fight the urge no longer. I checked my bank account to find six months of house payments and bills had taken me right to the end and I had $15 left. It was lucky that Danny had given me some money to put into savings to go to our alleged “new home” once the year was out, otherwise I would've been in negative figures.

A quick ping from my laptop as I was surfing and the $15 shot up to $515. I had no idea what was going on until my Dad emailed me.

**Dad:  
I know you don't want to talk to us but here's something to get you back on your feet and get some groceries. I hope you'll forgive us in time and if you don't want to spend Christmas alone, we're here.**

**I'm sorry.**

I noticed that the apology seemed to come from just him. Maybe I would get round to forgiving my dad in time but I couldn't forgive my mom when she didn't show up for my appeal and didn't even reach out to me afterwards.

I kept the money. I didn't need it once Preacher's inheritance came through but it felt like a way to spite them.

I spent a good portion of it down at the grocery store, replenishing everything down to a brand new set of spices before heading home, munching on some fast food I'd picked up on the way back.

When I got home I had a letter waiting, not one that was postmarked but one that looked hand delivered. Was this something else Preacher had wanted me to have?

When I opened it up though and scanned the bottom for a name, my stomach clenched to see Steve's. I locked the door before reading, my back against the wood.

_I'm so sorry._

_I know I said I'd stay away but I have to explain myself._

_I really was embarrassed when you left the day of your appeal and I felt like I'd done something wrong. We'd gotten on so well before that and I couldn't understand how I'd messed it up so badly._

_I tried watching porn to get tips from and they were all about roleplaying so I thought you might like that but I failed to ask first and that's unforgivable. I just thought you hated me stopping to ask questions the last time we tried so I was being more confident._

_As for the Danny comment, I didn't want to panic you any more than I had done so I lied but he really did put up one video of you and I made sure to get it taken down. I've got a connection in tech so he's scrubbed every single copycat too and that will ever appear if someone's downloaded it. You don't need to worry about it affecting your future career._

_I didn't check any CCTV though for Barnes. That was pure jealousy on my part. A part of me thought if you reacted to it, I could still get him on charges of abuse of authority but what exactly was I doing at the time right? You weren't officially released and you were still under my care._

_He handed in his notice just after you left so I didn't even need to worry about that, not really._

_I can admit I'm not a secure man, I do things to please other people because I don't think they'll like me for me and I compare myself to others a lot. I compared myself to Barnes a hell of a lot._

_I don't even know what I'm trying to say. There's nothing to say that'll fix what I did. There's nothing that can erase it._

_I hurt you and I hurt you badly. I'm sorry._

_I'll beat myself up every night that I did what I did._

_The best I can do to make amends whilst staying away is this. Here's a scan of my recommendation for a job with the Governor. She was really impressed with you and you could be the flagship model of inmates getting work after serving time. She's actually just rang me to ask if I have your address on file to send an interview offer to. I expect that'll be after Christmas though._

_I've also got a referral for a therapist to help you through what I did, what Barnes did and adjusting back to normal life. It's six sessions, all paid for and you can use it any time in the next five years._

_I hope this helps you restart your life and I'll think about you always._

_I'm sorry again and if you ever decide to forgive me, you know where I am. I won't come visit again._

_Steve._

Just as he said, there was his recommendation and there were the referrals. I tossed both on the kitchen table and began unpacking my food.

I needed time to myself first and I knew just exactly how to spend my Christmas now.

**

December 25th

Preacher's lake house was the cutest darn thing I'd ever seen.

It was a bottle green that kinda blended into the trees behind it on top of a small hill that overlooked the water. Inside was rustic but it had a bookcase, a small kitchen, a bathroom, an old fashioned bedroom and several pictures of a young Preacher with the man I knew now to be her husband, Thomas Walker.

They looked really happy in these photos.

I spent my Christmas on the porch, looking out over the still water and just revelling in being alone. Preacher was in the box to the side of me and when the sun hit the highest point so the lake sparkled and glittered, I scattered her ashes outside the house so she'd be in this place that she loved.

**

Bucky had been desperate to find out what had happened ever since he saw your stricken face outside the prison.

From what Tomek had told him, Preacher had died the day of your appeal which he knew would've caused you a lot of pain. There was something that Steve had done though and although he was trying to get better, although he had made great steps, he just _knew_ Steve had hurt you and he had to find out how.

So he had the twins set up covert cameras in the warden's office. The twin's didn't care, they hated Steve for being too micromanagey.

He hadn't caught anything yet on camera other than one phone call to a therapist where Steve'd made out he was upset over a sex game gone wrong.

Bucky knew you though, he knew even when he'd done horrible things to you, you'd never looked like that except for the one time after Seg. He remembered that expression, it was seared into his brain, a look of absolute fear. He never wanted to see it again.

Still, he waited, watching for any sign of Steve slipping up but Bucky stayed away from you. He wouldn't come back into your life unless you wanted him to. It was your choice.

He kept going to his therapy sessions and he got a job in a security firm, monitoring alarm systems. It was much more peaceful, much less brain power and he actually got some friends out of it. Scott Lang in particular made him laugh when he detailed how he would pull off elaborate heists now he knew most of the alarm codes for the town.

He was doing much better.

**

After New Year's I got a call from the Governor and after the friendliest interview I'd ever had, I got a job in the custodial department.

I didn't need a job, not with Preacher's money but I wanted to keep busy. I sold her Longview house but kept the lake house and I moved myself into a nice suburban home so I wasn't surrounded by the memory of everything that used to be me.

I wanted a fresh start.

My first day on the job, I was introduced to the security guards and I balked to realise one of them was Bucky's friend from the video he'd shown me.

“Hi, I'm-”

“-Sam, right?” I blurted out without thinking.

Sam gives me a strange look, “Uh....yeeeeah? Do I know you and I'm just bad with faces?”

“Oh no, you don't,” I stammer. “I know a friend of yours.”

“A man's got a lot of friends when he's as fun as I am,” Sam laughs charmingly. “Which one?”

“Bucky?”

“Ohhhhhh,” his eyes widen. “Well Buck doesn't have too many female friends around so I gotta assume you're the lady he messed up something fierce with, huh?”

“Yeah I think that's me then,” I put my hand behind my head awkwardly.

“Wow, you are so far out of his league, it's unreal,” Sam jokes. “But don't tell the wife I said that. My couch is not fun to sleep on.”

“She won't hear it from me,” I smile.

“He misses you, you know,” Sam says quietly as my new boss leaves us to catch up. “Still talks about you.”

“He _has_ been going to therapy right?”

“Oh everyday. Never misses it,” Sam nods. “Never seen him so determined to get well. I think he took a very hard dive but he's trying. My boy might be pigheaded as shit but he's willing to change and he's trying to change.”

“That's good to hear.”

So Bucky was doing better and he'd been keeping a distance. I really didn't think he'd be so proactive but he'd surprised me a lot. He really was being serious.

“Not that it's my place because Buck can be a jackass sometimes but if you feel inclined, he'd love to hear from you to know how you're doing,” Sam interrupts my thoughts. “See you around, kid.”

“Thanks, I'll see you around too.”

I could see how Sam would be a positive influence on Bucky. He was extremely likeable and he had this way of phrasing things well where he was still trying to be delicate to the fact that he obviously knew some of what Bucky had done to me.

I had a lot to think about.

**

Two weeks later, I was doing well at my new job, helping roll out the program I'd devised with Steve to other prisons too.

The governor wanted a clean standard across the board.

I decided to take Steve's offer and go to the therapist, unloading everything in a barrage but they were kind enough to pick through what they had time for and I started to feel a little lighter, a little less burdened.

Apparently starting my life afresh was great and getting into a busy routine was great too. I just didn't need to jump feet first into socialising if I didn't want to.

I left my final session sometime around March, more centred and more like my old self but minus the crippling insecurity Danny had given me.

In the corridor, I wasn't paying attention and smacked into a guy coming the other way.

“I'm sorry!” I say hastily.

“It's no problem, I just...... _Baby_?!”

It was Bucky but he looked much happier than I'd seen him at the prison. His hair was even longer but it suited him. There was a brightness to his eyes that made me remember how attractive I'd always found him.

“Hi,” I smile.

“Wow, you look great,” his own grin is dazzling. “I didn't realise you came here too.”

“Last session. Just some freebies to help me adjust back. How are you doing?”

“I'm good. I have a job, friends and I'm so much happier out of that place.”

I was struck with the mad urge to confess to Bucky what'd happened on that final day of my incarceration but I swallowed it. He didn't need to hear it.

“I'm glad. You're looking really well.”

“Anyway, I'd best get in before I start running late. It was good to see you,” he gives a cheery wave.

Even now, he's still maintaining a distance and it was so unlike the man in Bedford Hills.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?” he turns around.

“You have a number?”

“You want my number?” he looks startled.

“How else am I gonna keep in contact?”

“Sure thing, doll,” he rattles it off to me. “Message me any time.”

And with that he disappears into the office.

**

I texted Bucky a lot over those coming months.

It started off civil enough but over time, we came to tell each other everything, right down to who annoyed us at work or what we were having for dinner. I didn't meet with him though and he didn't offer.

With the barrier of distance, I was able to rebuild my trust and establish a sort of friendship free from the chains of our shared history in the prison. I was still wary and he knew it but he never pushed for contact.

It was May when I saw the news of Steve's arrest on the TV at work. He'd been caught with an inmate by cameras in his office and there was something about sexual assault charges. I had a sliding suspicion that the Duma twins might have been involved with the cameras, given I heard the Governor ranting about the fact there'd been there after I left and if she would've known she would've scrapped the entire Florida program. Neither Tomek or Marcin ever gave the impression they liked or respected Steve and maybe they were pissed Bucky had left.

I asked Jackie who the inmate was and apparently it was Tiffany. Tiffany had reported she'd been sexually assaulted by Steve after doing an apprenticeship with him to take over my position for the Florida Wing program.

“I can't fucking believe it,” Jackie hisses. “He's made an ass of me. I'm getting him replaced with a female warden. Enough of this bullshit.”

“Is Tiffany okay?” I ask.

“She's fine.”

I'd been corresponding with Trucker quite regularly so when I got back home, I emailed her and asked about it. When I got a response, Trucker was quite sure that Steve was projecting me onto Tiffany but he, in her words, 'wanted weaker prey'.

Tiffany was okay and I was surprised to learn that she and Carmela were an item. I didn't see that one coming.

All the other girls were doing fine and Arlene was up for appeal next week. I said I'd keep my fingers crossed.

I was beyond being disappointed with Steve so I hardly felt anything in relation to his arrest. To take it out on sweet, bubbly Tiffany? Fucking monster. That's all I had to say about that.

**

One night after a nightmare where I saw Preacher's body, I grabbed for my phone and called Bucky on instinct. It rang for a while before a sleepy voice picked up the other end.

“Yeah? What's up, sweetheart?” he rasps. “Everything okay?”

“I'm sorry, I just...I had a bad dream and I don't know why I called and-”

“-Hey hey, it's alright,” he sounds as if he sat up in bed.”Any time, doll. Are you alright?”

“I just keep seeing Preacher sometimes and she's...she's so still.”

“I know you miss her. She'll be watching over you.”

“If she's watching over me, she'll be cursing my name out for speaking to you. She didn't like you very much.”

“Yeah I remember,” he laughs softly. “And with good reason. Try and get back to sleep, Baby. I'll stay on the line until you do.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm sure.”

It was just nice to know he was there and I fell asleep quite quickly.

**

I began having more regular calls with Bucky as May bled into June.

I'd put him on bluetooth whilst I was doing my gardening and he said he liked to hear me potter around with my flowers because he had a quiet week at work and Scott was on vacation. My trust in him kept growing and he was much better at controlling his temper when we got into heated debates sometimes about stupid things like TV show plotlines.

“I'm really glad we started talking again,” he sighs on the other end of the line. “I really did miss you. Tell me about your Irises. How are they doing?”

**

After a nightmare involving Steve and his office, I woke up in a panic, sweat making my nightwear stick to me uncomfortably.

I grabbed my phone, calling Bucky immediately and he picked up fairly quickly. Must've been up late.

“Another bad one, doll?” he answers.

“Yeah, a really bad one,” I'm almost hyperventilating.

“Breath with me, Baby,” he tries to calm me down but this is more severe than my other nightmares. “Shit, come on sweetheart, you can do this.”

“Please come over,” I beg, not caring that I sounded pathetic.

“Are you sure?” he says after a long pause.

“Please.”

“What's your address?”

He's over within half an hour and I open the door shakily. I think he might have been shocked when I flung myself into his arms, desperately seeking comfort.

“Hey, let's get in,” he says softly. “You don't want your neighbours seeing you like this. If they're anything like mine, they'll love to gossip.”

The laugh I give is stilted but it's a laugh nonetheless.

Bucky gets me into the living room and sits down with me, cradling me on his chest as he does that breathing technique thing again. I finally get myself under control and the awful truth comes blurting out.

“Steve accidentally raped me the day I left.”

Bucky stiffens, his hand stopping petting my hair.

“He...he what?”

“Don't make me say it again.”

“How the fuck do you _accidentally_ rape someone?” his tone gets angry but he restrains himself well.

“We...uh....there was some very awkward sex the day Preacher died. We had very different ideas of how to fuck and I stopped halfway through and ran out. The next day Steve tried to do what I asked for but he gave me no warning and it was just....it was too visceral. I couldn't...but I'd lead him on and....”

“So he tried to be rough and play at being forceful but didn't give you a heads up?” Bucky guesses and I nod. “Oh doll, I'm so sorry that happened. I saw you just before you got in the cab and I knew something had happened but I couldn't catch up to you in time.”

“And I just keep thinking it's my fault he did what he did to Tiffany because it went so wrong with me.”

“No, it's _not_ your fault,” Bucky says firmly, making me look at him. “Steve was never an angel. You should've heard the shit he said to me sometimes. Peggy didn't divorce him just for taking that job, you know. He puts up a good veneer but he doesn't like to be told 'no' very often.”

“I'm an idiot, I should've listened to you.”

“I was not much better,” his expression is grim. “I hurt you, a lot and I got enjoyment from it.”

“At least I knew where I stood with you,” I retort. “And that I didn't think you were some good guy beforehand.”

“Forget about him, for now,” he can see I'm getting worked up again. “He's in jail and he can't hurt you.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, doll?”

“Thank you for coming round.”

“Any time.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“I missed you too. I just....I needed time and space away.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.”

I looked up at his serene face, so different to the Bucky before and leaned up to kiss him. It felt right this time, it was more natural. He let me have complete control.

“What was that for?” he laughs.

“You know what it was for,” I tap him on the nose. “I...I want to give this a try. A proper try. If you want that is.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Only if you're happy to. I'm in therapy and I may never get a hundred percent better but if you can accept that I'm a broken man trying to be the best he can be than that's okay. If I ever harm you again, just leave me instantly. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Now, come here. Let me help you relax.”

**

Watching your body arch back off the bed as he worked you through your second orgasm with his tongue, Bucky felt like he could rule the world.

You wanted him. You wanted _him_.

He'd made the effort, he'd put the time in to change and you'd noticed it. He'd keep going to therapy, keep working on himself because you were so worth it, to have you want him again was so worth it.

There was a primal satisfaction in the fact he'd managed to ruin Steve's life, especially after finding out what had truly happened. Nobody would hurt you again, not while he was around.

As he sheathed his cock into your tight, dripping pussy, feeling at home, he couldn't help some of the old mannerisms coming out again, the dominance and the dirty talk but you responded so eagerly that you must've really enjoyed that aspect of him to start with.

“Fuck, you are all mine, babygirl,” he groans, pushing deep and watching your eyelids flutter shut.

“All yours, Bucky,” you moan, clutching onto him tightly. “All yours.”

Forever.


End file.
